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To a Dry Goods Dealer.
The dry-goods dealer stands behind a counter and shows a garment to two women., Text: MR. DRY GOODSMAN, your lying tongue doth ever run / Like the color of your goods when exposed to the sun: / You warrant all things "not to fade," which you show / Yet when they are washed they become white as snow. / Now don't you fear, that, while thus lying and cheating / Your partner, "Old Nick," will give you his greeting., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Fire-Eater--a Desperado.
A Union soldier with a moustache holds a sword and fires a pistol. Cannonballs have severed his forearm and shin from his body. "Fire-eater" refers to Southern advocates of seccession., Text: Bullet and bayonet! grapeshot and shell! / Nothing of that sort to you comes amiss, / By the moustache that becomes you so well, / You are quite worthy an Amazon's kiss. / Say, do you eat all you slaughter, mon brave? / Ogre-ish, methinks, / is your countenance dread; / Doubtless your sword is a "Secesher" would halve, / After a bullet had gone through his head! / When from the war with a wreath on your brow, / Back to the North you come-- then, if you'll shave, / I will be yours as in heart I am now, / And in the interval long may you wave!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Foot Soldier.
A Union foot soldier has very large feet., Text: When in action you are brought, / And the use of bayonets taught; / Then your feet sir, you will prize, / On account of their great size. / For with a pair of feet so large, / You could stand sir, any charge; / Except, perhaps, a cobbler's bill, / And then you'd run with a good will., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Fop
The fop observes a woman walking past him and says "Dem Fine Gal." He holds a walking stick and a monocle., Text: Poor dandy headed empty ass, / Prying about with quizzing glass. / Lisping and drawing out each word, / In manner that is too absurd., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Forager.
A Union soldier holds a pig, a chicken, and two geese., Text: It's a fact undisputed, you're a soldier boy bold, / And there's no doubt of your kindness of feeling, / We give you our thanks on a cold winter's night, / While we feast on your pickings and stealing., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Gambler.
The gambler holds a billiard cue and stands in front of a billiard table. Three other male figures are in the background., Text: Oh! vain moustache-lounger, just look here, / You seem a specimen of human kind-- / But now alas! I tell you most sincere, / You lack that greatest quality-- the mind / The billiard cue-- the spectacle, and all, / Denote that you in games are hard to beat; / But in the game of love there is a call, / No long-ear'd vagabound, like you, can meet., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Green Artillerist.
A Union soldier looks into the firing end of a cannon, and a cannonball lies at his feet. Seeking "the bubble reputation at the cannon's mouth" means to search for military glory and is a reference to Shakespeare's "As You Like It." "Hog in armor" is a term for awkward, clumsy people., Text: Seeking, of course, "the bubble reputation / At the cannon's mouth," / To fight the righteous battles of the nation, / You go South. / Now, prithee, don't mistake your piece's muzzle / Madly, for its breech, / If the two ends should ever prove a puzzle, / Ask which is which! / You look at present like a "hog in armor;" / May you "live and learn," / And having done so, I'll be yours, my charmer, / When you return., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Shakespeare, William (1564-1616), As you like it.

To a Grocer.
The grocer stands at a counter and holds a knife in his right hand and extends his left hand. A wheel of cheese is on the counter, and there are containers marked "tea," and "gun" behind him. Another barrel is marked "yhyson" [i.e. "physon" or "physan"], and a barrel marked "gin" is on the floor., Text: Grocer, cheese, and butter dealer, / Sausage seller, and corn mealer-- / Liquor mixer, sugar sander; / In Sunday clothes-- great Alexander / Never thought himself so fine, / As you-- ass-headed, VALENTINE!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Heavy Dragoon.
A large Union dragoon rides on a small horse. "Old Dobbin" was an affectionate name for horses. The valentine mocks his poor horsemanship., Text: Men don't ride, my dear friend, to the red scene of slaughter, / Just as if they were taking old Dobbin to water; / You seat in the saddle is loose and ungainly, / Turn your knees in, and don't to your stirrups trust mainly; / Like an ox-goad don't carry that good piece of steel, stir, / Nor back into the next horse's chest when you wheel sir! / I know from the country you're fresh, but with training / There will soon be no trace of the rustic remaining; / If your heart's in the cause, all the rest will come easy, / But in hopes you'll improve. / If you do, I incline, sir, / To have you -- next year-- for my true Valentine, sir., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Hog.
A man with a pig's head reads a poster, which states, "GREAT VALENTINE DEPOT/ THE FAT HOG," and has a picture of a hog on it. He carries a walking stick with a man's head carved on the top., Text: You are the very antidote to love! / A man of taste undoubtedly you prove; / But 'tis of dinners, Hog, and that you know full well, / And if a wife you choose, 'twill be-- a dinner bell(e)? / Upon my word, I'd give a dollar bill, / To know the jade that sent this Valentine; / The saucy minx, she says I'm sour as swill, / She won't be good for a pig's head like mine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Machinist.
The machinist has a red, porcine nose. He hammers at a piece of metal to make a cog., Text: I'd go without beaus all the days of my life, / And die an old maid, before I'd be the wife / Of such an old hammer as you, you old fool; / You're a piece of pig-iron-- a miserable tool; / For your head's like an anvil with about as much brains, / And you don't know enough to come in when it rains., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Merchant.
The merchant sits on a counter with knees twisted over his arms. A sign behind him reads "LINEN DIAPER." The sender mocks the recipient's misguided assumption that women find him attractive., Text: You pert Counter-jumper, with sick'ning grimace / You smile, smirk, and simper your meaningless face / You think yourself killing-- perhaps it is true, man, / For you'd be the death of a sensible woman. / Oh, yes! you're a Cupid, or think yourself so, / The counter your fortress, the yardstick your bow; / But I'd have you know, my impertinent spark, / You have shot all your arrows quite wide of the mark., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Military Bobadil.
A Union soldier holds his sword out of its scabbard, and a cannonball smokes near his feet. "Bobadil" means braggart and refers to Captain Bobadil in Jonson's "Everyman in his humor.", Text: All hail thou most terrific-looking fellow, / If hair and bravery now were always twins, / Or those fought hardest who the loudest bellow, / Thou wert the pluckiest of paladins. / But 'tis not so; vainglorious boast and bluster / Are oft assumed to hide a trembling heart, / The quiet men, where serried squadrons muster, / Enact, mid tired and blood, the manliest part., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Jonson, Ben, 1572-1637. Everyman in his humour.

To a Moulder.
A man squats and holds a long-handled pan over a metal mold. "Castings" is written behind him. The man has a large nose and wears a small knit cap. "Moulder" is also slang for "pugilist," and "lam" is slang for to "hit hard.", Text: HERE you are, you Moulder elf, / You see the likeness of yourself, / A nose just like a steam trip-hammer -- / God help your wife, I'm sure you'll 'lam' her., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Picket Guard.
A soldier lies asleep with his arm around a barrel of lager and a rifle, or "yager," resting on him. The "picket guard" means guard duty for the regiment, and the sender criticizes the recipient for neglecting his military duty., Text: Asleep on your post! Mister Sentry, O fie! / What, ho! sir, wake up! rise and shoulder your yager, / Before thus laid low I supposed you got high / On repeated libations of brain-muddling lager. / Be stirring, be stirring, the guard on their round / Will soon -- as in duty bound -- visit the spot, sir, / And should you asleep by your comrades be found, / They'd report you, and then-- why, of course, you'd be shot, sir!, Cf. Valentine 8.25., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Recruiting Officer.
A Union officer stands at a bar and holds a large tankard of beer. The valentine criticizes military recruiters who get men drunk so that they will enlist., Text: You're not a fascinating creature, / Either in manners, form or feature, / Neither your own mug, quaint and queer, / Nor that o'erflowing mug of beer, / Would tempt me, sir, were I a gent, / To join your rowdy regiment. / Don't try with drink to catch recruits, / Our army needs good men, not brutes-- / Men who love order and the laws, / Whose hearts are in their country's cause, / Whose nerves are strong, whose heads are clear, / Whose courage is not born of beer., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a School Girl.
A young woman walks holding a stack of school books. The valentine criticizes her fixation on money., Text: While cramming your mind with pounds, shillings, and/ pence, / You must still leave some room for good common sense; / For though to the top of the ladder you mount, / Without sense your great learning will be no account., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a School Master.
The schoolmaster sits in a chair and holds a sign that reads "ABC" and points to it with a pointer. One child stands behind his chair and wears a dunce cap, and another child stands in front of him., Text: Don't frighten your scholars with rap-rap-rap -- / But reserve for yourself the black dunce cap; / Seat your own self on the three-legged stool, / The only fit place for a pedagogue fool! / Hie thee, young Dominic!-- back to you school! / And teach the young dunces with blackboards and rule; / Don't mutter base nonsense to them as to me, / But contented remain at your A,B,C., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Secessionist.
The thin secessionist wears a large hat and has two pistols and a large knife stuck in his belt. He has an arrow with a skull and crossbones label in his forehead. The text suggests that the Civil War appears to be ending or has recently ended., Text: With sallow visage, gaunt and grim, / And legs-- like TREASON'S chances-- slim, / You wander round as might a ghost / From the foul region of the lost! / Or SATAN'S self, whose pride God quelled, / When he, like you, 'gainst RIGHT rebelled! / You mourn perchance, the tale of dread / Whose opening scene was Hilton Head, / And groan, that on Secessia's shore / The stars of Freedom blaze once more. / Think you a Northern girl would mate / With such a godless reprobate!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Ship Carpenter.
The ship carpenter has a spike-shaped nose and an anchor tattoo on his hand. He hold an axe stands on a piece of wood, and a ship frame is behind him., Text: Spike nosed beauty, man of brads/ Drive the nails and fly the adze: / Big head, wide mouthed, lanky hips, / With legs just like your own spare chips, / For me in vain you thump and chop, / You'll never do for me old block., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Shoe Dealer.
A man kneels holding a shoe, and a woman's foot is on a stool, with skirt thrown back revealing her leg. The man says "How high would you like it Miss." The valentine criticizes the inappropriate physical contact between shoe dealers and their female customers., Text: Let me teach you, foolish gaby, / When you wait upon a Lady, / Not to foolish jokes intrude, / Such conduct to a Lady's rude., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Snob.
The snob, or shoemaker, sews the leather upper to the sole of the shoe. The valentine mocks his appearance, drinking, and courtship of unobtainable women., Text: Now, Mr. Snobby, when next you're at work, / At hammering a sole on your lap, / For the sake of the woman who'd ever have you, / Just commit suicide with your strap. / Oh! wax'd ends and leather! tho' what do I see, / Getting toddy'd wherever you can; / Both stupid and lazy, and shabbily dress'd, / I believe that he thinks he's a man., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Stonecutter.
The stonecutter holds a mallet and chisel and stands in front of a large slab of stone which the text suggests is a sarcophagus. He sticks out his tongue and has sharp teeth., Text: What a sweet face is here display'd -- / To charm a young girl, a widow or maid, / Oh! St. Valentine, run away quick, / From this beauteous visage, that makes one sick. / Hammer away! my cutter of stones, / Be they for living or dead men's bones; / Ply the mallet and chisel-- look grim, / What will it matter for her or for him., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Tailor.
A tailor sews a pair of breeches. "Goose" refers to a tailor's iron, and "cabbage" refers to the fabric leftover from making a garment. "Ninth part of man" is a derogatory term for tailors, referencing the saying that nine tailors equal one man., Text: You stitching elf, don't talk of wealth, / Go eat your Goose and Cabbage, / When had enough, then take your snuff / Nor think of love and marriage. / Ne'er to a tailor, could I my love resign, / A ninth part of a man is no fit Valentine., Cf. Valentine 11.42., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Tailor.
A tailor sews a pair of breeches. "Goose" refers to a tailor's iron, and "cabbage" refers to the fabric leftover from making a garment. "Ninth part of man" is a derogatory term for tailors, referencing the saying that nine tailors equal one man., Text: You stitching elf, don't talk of wealth, / Go eat your Goose and Cabbage, / When had enough, then take your snuff / Nor think of love and marriage. / Ne'er to a tailor, could I my love resign, / A ninth part of a man is no fit Valentine., Cf. Valentine 11.41., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Tailor.
A tailor with a cabbage on his back rides on a goose holding a pair of shears. "Goose" means a tailors iron, and "cabbage" refers to the fabric leftover from making a garment. Cabbage belonged to the customer, but the valentine accuses the tailor of stealing it., Text: Tailor behold the future ride / That will you one day betide / Upon a Goose you mounted are / Yourself the GREATEST Goose by far; / Slung around your neck is seen / The CABBAGE pilfered from the GREENS, / In your hand a pair of shears / To cut Imp's tails when they appear., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Tinker.
The tinker holds tools and stands by a work bench. "Soft sawder" [i.e. solder ] is a slang term for manipulative flattery and originates from a cheap, easy, and less-durable form of joining metal., Text: RAGGEd wretch! of base-born metal-- / Filthy maker of the kettle, / You I can very plainly see / Can't come soft sawder over me. / Pipe-smoking, filthy, dirty sot, / Black as the kettle or the pot; / Most noisy slave, most tinkering brute, / My taste you surely ne'er will suit. / Go, go, you beast, and howl and whin[e]/ You ne'er will be my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Tinker.
A tinker smokes a pipe and holds tools at his work bench. A kettle and pans are on the floor. "Soft soder" [i.e. solder or sawder] is slang for manipulative flattery and originates from a cheap, easy, and less-durable form of joining metal., Text: Pipe-smoking, filthy, dirty sot, / Black as the kettle or the pot! / Most noisy slave, most tink'ring brute, / My taste you surely ne'er will suit. / Ragged wretch! of base-born metal-- / Filthy maker of the kettle; / You can very plainly see-- / Can't come soft soder over me., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Vain Old Maid.
A woman in a low-cut gown looks in the mirror. Her cheeks have rouge on them, and she holds a pot. Another woman stands behind her., Text: THE glass grows hateful to your sight, / For it tells you truly you're a perfect fright; / All the arts that ever you can make or try, / Will fail to add lustre to your eye. / In vain you may try with pastes and cream, / To smooth your skin or hide its seams; / Old maid, with all the art of borrowed charms, / You cannot catch a young man in your arms., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Volunteer.
A Union soldier puts snuff in his nose and leans his rifle against his arm. Dead soldiers lie around him, and cannonballs are in the air and on the ground., Text: To make folks think you're bold and brave, / You swear your country you will save, / And fiercely charge upon her foes, / But first you'll stop to charge your nose; -- / Like the dog that lost the rabbit. / When taken short, -- as was his habit; / This application suits me fine, / That I can't be your Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Widower.
A man in a black suit stands next to a tomb stone marked "In Memory," and he looks away. A woman stands in the background., Text: You're old and ugly, and not sincere, / And your actions, sir, are very queer! / Those canting words will never do, / For none will have such a thing as you. / Dressed in black -- yet blacker heart, / You can't make me your 'better part;' / And although you cast a longing eye, / All your advances I defy., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Zouave.
A Union soldier wears a Zouave uniform and holds two pistols out. He has a pistol tucked into his belt, and his sword scabbard hangs away from his body. A smoking cannonball lies between his feet and a bullet is near his head., Text: Hero! how my fond heart doats / On your trowser petticoats; / On your leggins, tight and trim; / On your cap without a brim; / On your lip of hair prolific, -- / Arab-Yankee-- you're terrific! / There's a wild light in your eye--/ Is it valor? Is it rye? / O! beware of whisky-skin, / Brains go out as that goes in. / Sober keep, and by the Nine! / You shall be my Valentine., Cf. Valentine 13.45., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Zouave.
Two Zouave Union soldiers run among rifles, pistols, cannons, and cannonballs, one of which is marked rum., Text: Zu-Zu, you made a splendid run, / From Bull-Run fight, to Washington. / By Bully Runners e'er so fleet; / Your feats of legs such wonders/ raised, / That every one has stood amazed. / So, Coward Recreant, Renegade, / Your Valentine I'll not be made., Cf. Valentine 11.49 and Valentine 12.1., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Zouave.
Two Zouave Union soldiers run among rifles, pistols, cannons, and cannonballs, one of which is marked rum., Text: Zu-Zu, you made a splendid run, / From Bull-Run fight, to Washington. / By Bully Runners e'er so fleet; / Your feats of legs such wonders/ raised, / That every one has stood amazed. / So, Coward Recreant, Renegade, / Your Valentine I'll not be made., Cf. Valentine 11.49 and Valentine 11.50., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To a Zouave.
Two Zouave Union soldiers run among rifles, pistols, cannons, and cannonballs, one of which is marked rum., Text: Zu-Zu, you made a splendid run, / From Bull-Run fight, to Washington. / By Bully Runners e'er so fleet; / Your feats of legs such wonders/ raised, / That every one has stood amazed. / So, Coward Recreant, Renegade, / Your Valentine I'll not be made., Cf. Valentine 11.50 and Valentine 12.1., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To an Ugly Woman.
A woman sits with her hands on her lap. She has a carrot in her hair, perhaps suggesting that she's died it red., Text: UGLIEST of the fair creation, / With carrots for fashion on your head; / Face devoid of animation, / Your lips are blue, instead of red. / Dried and wilted are your features, / They're charmless for this heart of mine; / And if I'd wed you I would be sure / To have no rival Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To Mars, the soldier's god of war
A simian-faced Union soldier rides on a horse., Text: To Mars, the soldier's god of war, / You may perform your duty, / But you too great a blockhead are, / For Venus, queen of beauty., "462", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To My Valiant Trumpeter.
A Union soldier plays a trumpet., Text: When from that horn sweet music flows, / With full melodious swell; / Then, Trumpeter, upon thy form, / My eyes with rapture dwell. / Thy cheeks so round, thy form so fat, / Thy grand majestic mien; / So fill my heart with rapture, that-- / I'm happy as a queen., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To the Chaplain of the Regiment.
The chaplain stands between two kneeling soldiers and takes currency from their rucksacks., Text: A pretty man of God are you! / You claim to have an eye of faith, / But have a stronger eye for booty, / When soldiers all are at their prayers, / You go on Pick-et duty., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

To the Surgeon.
A skeleton wears a Union uniform and holds a saw and a bag of surgical tools. A Union soldier bends over behind him., Text: Ho! ho! old saw bones, here you come, / Yes, when the rebels whack us, / You are always ready with your traps, / To mangle, saw, and hack us., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.

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