A man is watching a woman through a window. He has spilled a pail of water. The valentine criticizes him for paying attention to the woman and not to his work., Text: The sight of a Boddice, or few stray curls, / Sets your mouth watering after the Girls, / While you are staring with lecherous eyes / Your blundering movements your pail will capsize, / Splashing and pouring all into the street, / Making the passers by white as a sheet; / While you get the sack, as truly you luck it / Deserves for so stupidly kicking the Bucket., "117", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in an elaborate outfit smiles and puts one hand on her hip. Her smile reveals gaps in her teeth. The valentien suggests she has an inlfated opinion of herself., Text: In cheap, dinky togs, which you think very fine, / You try every Sunday to cut a big shine; / Of style or of beauty you’ve nothing to speak, / But you make up your shortage with plenty of cheek. / Perhaps you imagine that people you meet / Don’t know what you are as you walk down the street; / If so, you’re in error to think them so green, / For you’re known for a Shop Girl as soon as you’re seen., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A boy lies on his stomach with his heels in the air underneath a tree. The sun is high in the sky and a hoe is lying on the ground next to the boy, suggesting he is neglecting farming duties., Text: You are the biggest fraud on earth, / A lazy, loafing lout, / A big mistake was at your birth-- / Oh! That your ma was out! / Such shirks as you should be caught up, / And sent around the horn, / Or an inquest held on all of you, / Before you e’er were born-- / Oh! How we hope that some fine day, / You may dry up and blow away., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a sheep's head kneels and clasps his hands together. He has a basket full of flowers over one arm. "Pap" is a food for small children., Text: Pray don’t kneel to me with flowers sweet and rare, / With basket on your arm, Sheep-face that you are- / How can you think a maiden like myself, / Could have one thought of thee, simple love-sick elf! / Go home unto your mammy, sit upon her lap, / She will feed her baby on soda-bisuit pap., Cf. Comic Valentine, 9.41, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A school master holds a student by his hair and prepares to hit his backside with a twig broom. A donkey is drawn on the blackboard in the background., Text: A MODEL School Master you are, there’s no doubt, / Some put knowledge in, but you beat it all out; / With your lunatic whipping, your kicks and your thumps, / You can bring out an ape’s phrenological bumps; / And if you’re promoted to suit able schools, / It should be a college of asses and mules., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An older woman leans on a counter. A dog sits on its hind legs on the other dise of the counter. A sign says "All kinds of fancy goods". The valentine suggests that her ill-temper makes he unfit to serve customers or attract a husband., Text: You ill-tempered maid, old age is creeping o’er you, / And you ill-treat the folks, who come to buy from you / Your restless tongue’s abuse, is sharper than a burr, / And you’re only fit to wait, upon some stupid cur. / Nobody will buy from you, and he who’s your boss, / Should send you off at once, and save a further loss., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman holds a hat and stands in front of a display of fabric. The valentine suggests that the recipient is promiscuous with her customers., Text: Read this, my good woman and don’t think it hard, / When you let out your ribbons and love by the yard; / I’m fond of a roller, sometimes it is true, / But I don’t care a pin for a roller from you. / And in temper and passion we plainly may tell, / If we grant you a yard, you’ll be taking an ell. / So adieu, Mrs. Huckaback, here I must stop, / For I love not a beauty who smells of the shop., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A boy wearing a cap and short jacket is smoking. He stands in front of a house. His toes are turned in and his elbows stick out. The valentine criticizes the recipient for smoking and having a ridiculous appearance., Text: Pug-nosed smoking boy, look here, / How quaint your visage, and how queer, / With turned in knees, and turned in toes, / Rach little boy cries “There he goes.” / And so you may, my little man, / Try all you think, do all you can / Mixture of man, and boy, and swine, / Now don’t you think you look divine?, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a long dress is standing by an icy pond. She crosses her arms and looks down at the ground. The sender citicizes the recipeint for lacking warmth and being overly concerned with propriety., Text: You’re very nice though somewhat old, / And I should say you’re rather cold, / Your looks a penny ice would freeze, / Or cause an Esquimaux to sneeze., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing ice skates has multiple pairs of legs, which indicate that they are moving quickly. Four men observe him. "Monkey shines" means monkey-like antics., Text: Brisk as a flea, as lightning flashes, / Quickly you make grasshopper dashes-- / Hic, presto, change! Now here, now there; / We cannot find you anywhere-- / But know a fool is in the middle, / And thus I solve your icy riddle. / From those that cut up monkey shines, / We do not choose our Valentines., Cf. Valentine 8.36, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A girl stands with her hands on her hips. Her face is covered in bandages. The valentine suggests the injuries might be self-inflicted., Text: Pray tell me, miss, how came you by them? / Are they cuts or scratches? / Or are they beauty-spots—good gracious! / All those awful patches?, "392", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands in a door in his shop wearing an apron. In one hand he holds a bird a knife in the other. Several dead birds are hanging up, while several live birds are in a cage, and a chest is filled with eggs., Text: The Poulterer surely is the man; / To please the fair if any can, / He tries as far as he is able, / To suit their taste and grace their table. / But tho’ good-will formed all he’s gained, / There’s One whose smile could he obtain, / He’d ever anxious be to prove, / His wish to please as well as Love., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a black dress sits at a table. She holds a handkerchief to her eyes and is crying. There is an open bottle and a glass on the table and "Gammon" is written on the wall behind her. Gammon means nonsense and suggests that her grief is insincere., Text: Poor widow wooding for the loss, / Of one you’ll ne’er forget / And yet the thought my mind will cross, / That you are TO BE LET. / But in you no charm I see, / And therefore frankly own, / That all the chance you have with me, / Is to be LET alone., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wears a top hat and carries a monocle on a lanyard. He hold the monocle up to a passing woman's skirt and a speech balloon says "Dem fine girl!" The sender finds his pursuit of women empty and pathetic., Text: Poor addle headed empty ass, / Prying about with quizzing glass, / Lisping and drawing out each word, / In manner that is too absurd, / Dodging the footsteps of some fair, / Like some hungry ill bred cur / Following a butcher thro’ the street., "47", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands behind a counter and measures leaves in a set of scales. He is wearing an apron and pointed shoes. Beneath the counter is a box marked sloe-leaves. The sender implies that the shopkeeper substitutes sloe leaves for tea., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdigris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a gap-toothed grin weighs leaves in a set of scales. The packet he holds in his hand is labelled "Imitation tea" and several other containers behind the counter are labeled "Dutch pink", "Tea Dust", and "Verdigrease". The valentine suggests the clerk cheats his customers., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdegris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a fish for a head wears a top hat and carries a cane. "Cod-fish aristocracy" was a derogatory term for New Englanders whose family wealth originated in maritime businesses., Text: In vain you try to make a show, / ‘Mongst the proud flesh of cod-fish row, / Your home should be fast to a rod, / Upon the banks of old Cape “Cod.”, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachman in an elaborate uniform sits on the box of a carriage and holds a whip. "Spooney" means foolish or sentimental., Text: Old Coachee, mounted on your box, / You look as stupid as an ox; / The coach of Wedlock, do not strive, / With me old boy you ne’er shall drive / So all your views at once resign, / You spooney looking Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in ragged clothing walks with an umbrella tucked underneath his arm. A bust of a nude young woman on a pedestal is visible in the background., Text: Your buttonless shirt, and ragged coat sleeves, / Proclaim you to be an old Bach; / Pray hunt up some young maid, I really believe / If you tried, you would soon make a match., Cf. Comic Valentine 7.49, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with a hairy face and gap-toothed smile looks at her reflection in a mirror. The sender's parise is ironic., Text: Oh! Thou art my joy and my pride, / So delicate soft is thy skin: / Those blushes, my fair, never hide, / For fain I’d my Valentine win., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachman wearing a hat and coat with epaulets stands by a carriage and holds a stick. "Monkey's share" can refer to the term monkey's money, meaning payment in kind., Text: Oh, dear me, you think yourself grand, / Standing et my lord’s door with stick in hand, / My lot with you I would not fix, / For the sight of you makes me feel sick, / Bowing here, scraping there / Sometimes you get the Monkey’s share., Cf. Valentine 15.42, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachman wearing a hat and coat with epaulets stands by a carriage and holds a stick. "Monkey's share" can refer to the term monkey's money, meaning payment in kind., Text: Oh, dear me, you think yourself grand, / Standing at my lord’s door with stick in hand, / My lot with you I would not fix, / For the sight of you makes me feel sick, / Bowing here, scraping there / Sometimes you get the Monkey’s share., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman steps out of a door and reveals her petticoats under her crinoline. A sign behind her reads "To the Bank" and a man is standing next to the steps. The valentine suggests that the sight of her legs is embarassing to the people around her., Text: Oh! Daughter of fair mother Eve, / Your brothers all you sorely greive, / And give us each exceeding pain / To witness thus the curse of Cain. / ‘Tis surely not a modest sight / To have the legs thus brought to light., Provenance: Hlefand, William H..
A woman wears a large crinoline, a cape, gloves and a hat with a snood. "Bean" can mean money., Text: Of Dandizetts you’re sure the Queen, The loveliest creature ever seen, / Your head so small and shape so fine, / Must make each bean your valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A sailor stands with one hand in his pocket and the other holds a bottle. A ship is visible in the distance behind him. The sender criticizes the recipient for excessive drinking and laziness., Text: Now my jolly Sailor, / You are an idle, tippling dog, / O really will not wed you, / You are rather fond of Grog., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man holds a gun in the countryside. His hat has fallen off and he appears to be losing his balance. The valentine suggests he is an inept hunter., Text: Now I’m sure it is a shame, / You should of harmless birds make game; / But in some cases it is true, / The little birds MAKE GAME of you., "No. 82", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A thin young man vomits in an alley. He holds a burning cigar in one hand. "Valambrosa's leaves" is a reference to ""Thick as autumnal leaves that strew the brooks / In Vallombrosa where Etrurian shades / High over-arch'd embower." in John Milton's "Paradise Lost.", Text: Vain, vapid youth, who, with cigar, / Upon the promenade a star / Of manhood would’st appear, / Think’st thou we know not what befalls, / When thou dost make such sudden calls / To by-ways dark and drear? / There, desperate qualms thy frame dismay / And tribute thou to earth dost pay / As Neptune oft receives, / When pale land-lubbers, reeling sick / Bestrews the waves with filth as thick / As “Valambrosa’s leaves.”, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with glasses and a bun is sewing bonnets. The valentine suggests she is unattractive to suitors and will be an old maid, so she should focus on her millinery., Text: Miss bonnet-builder, such a guy I never saw before, / Your bonny hair is a knob behind, your nose a knob before, / That your head’s a bonnet-block that of it maybe said, / Who would ever have a Valentine that is a blockhead, / So drop the thoughts of Valentines and attends to bonnet shapes, / For you are built for an old maid, in future to lead apes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with glasses and a bun is sewing bonnets. The valentine suggests she is unattractive to suitors and will be an old maid, so she should focus on her millinery., Text: Miss bonnet-builder, such a guy I never saw before, / Your bonny hair is a knob behind, your nose a knob before, / That your head’s a bonnet-block that of it maybe said, / Who would ever have a Valentine that is a blockhead, / So drop the thoughts of Valentines and attends to bonnet shapes, / For you are built for an old maid, in future to lead apes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
An older woman with a large nose is looking inside an envelope. The valentine warns that others have noticed her intrusions., Text: Sly old peeper, mischief making, / Take care now whose note you’re taking; / We’ve found you out, and so despise you, / And send this warning to advise you., Cf. Valentine 6.28, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man leans back in his chair and puts his feet up on the table. A bag of money sits on the table behind him and his head is covered with slips of paper. On says "Bond" and another "Pacific RR". The valentine suggests not only that he married his wife for her money, but also that the money has not given him class., Text: You married money, then—at least that fact is stated. / Alas! Your suffering wife, her taste was vitiated. / Oh! The poor maids should wed whoever fate doth show them. / They seldom marry equals, and often those below them. / You needn’t put on airs, and show your shapeless feet, / For if you found your level, you’d be sweeping in the street. / We can always tell a man, no matter how he feels, / And if he is a donkey he always shows his heels., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a large heart-shaped head holds a portrait of a woman. His torso is also in the shape of a heart. The valentine suggests he drowns his sorrows in alcohol., Text: Dismal, doleful, in thy tears-- / You have not smiled for twenty years, / Except when gin bars were in sight, / And then you smiled both day and night! / Your face reminds one of a lizard-- / Your heart—you only have a gizzard-- / And as for ears, mankind can see / A donkey’s ears were put on thee! / To show you up, we’ll get some hay, / And let the neighbors hear you bray!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A machinist wearing an apron stands at his work bench. A variety of tools are visible on his bench and on the wall behind him. The sender suggests the recipient does shoddy work., Text: Folks say, Sir Machinist, who have your course watched, / That no job you e’er tackled came from you unbotched. / If you’re really an expert, a machine I can mention / To which it would pay you to give your attention; / I mean your own head; for, to this I would swear, / Its wheels must be terribly out of repair., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wears a dress with a large bow, gloves and a hat and carries an umbrella. The valentine criticizes her for talking too loudly., Text: In girls of these progressive days / A little boldness we expect, / And, when within due bounds it’s kept, / Not many will object: / But, o’er all bounds you go so far / With your loud ways, and saucy face, / That every one’s disgusted with / Your lack of womanly grace., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A donkey wears a coat. The sender considers the recipient's attention to dress to be ridiculous., Text: Look Dandy, pray look, / Look at your Brother; / Why should not one Ass, / Look at another., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A lamplighter mounts a ladder to light a street lamp. A hand tugs on his shirt, which is protruding from the seat of his pants."To get one's shirt out" means to get angry., Text: Like the Lamp you tend, ‘tis said, / You’re rather LIGHT about the HEAD, / One thing certain is that most / Don’t know which is the greatest Post, / Now don’t be angry that I flout, / For I see your SHIRT IS GETTING OUT., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A bricklayer with a hod on his shoulder is mounting a ladder. The valentine warns the recipient that his concumption of alcohol is interfering with his job. It plays on the word "drop" as a synonym for liquour, then to refer to the possibility that he might fall from his ladder under the influence of alchohol and finally that his drunken ways may get him into trouble with the law and then be hanged., Text: Leering, drunken, dissipated, / Oft I see you elevated, / Not alone upon the ladder, / But in a way that is much sadder, / Your fondness for a “DROP” is such / That you may get a DROP too much / By falling from the ladder top, / Or at the gallows “take a drop.” / A fate that doubtless will be thine, / So, go, be hanged! my Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A tall woman is kissing a short, moustached man. Behind her on a table are a bokk markeds "Hymns" and another marked "Bible". The valentine asserts that this is not the first time the woman has kissed a minister and that when his wife heard about it before, she tore out the woman's hair, which is why she wears a wig. The valentine cautions that if she repeats this behavior, she can expect to lose this wig as well., Text: Don’t look so pious, madam, / We’ve heard of you before, / You kissed the little minister / Behind his study door; / And when his wife heard of it, / The row ensued was big, / And that is how you came to wear / That little curled-up wig. Now pray be careful what you do, / Or you will lose your nice wig too., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands in front of a fence smoking a cigar. He wears a fez and a pocket watch. The valentine suggests he is overly impressed with his physical appearance., Text: Why, here’s your portrait ready done, / Now don’t suppose I’m making fun. / ‘Tis like as like you must admit; / I’m sure you’ll highly value it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man has the form of a jumping-jack toy. The valentine suggests the recipient is good for little else than to watch others., Text: A Jumping-Jack upon a pole / Would be for you a fitting role: / Some one ought to take and fix you / On a rod this way, you stick, you! / Then you’d have your proper station, / One you’d fill to admiration., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A jeweler sits at his bench, repairing a watch. On the wall behind him is a sign that says "Jeweler reparing done" and several clocks. The clocks' faces do not all show the same time., Text: A crowbar, or pickaxe, a more fitting tool / Would be in your hands, you ridiculous fool; / Can anyone be so stupidly green, / As to give you his watch, or his clock, to clean? / The chances are great that ‘twill need more repair, / Than before it had been put into your care., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An older woman stands with her hands over her heart. The bottom of her dress is shaped like an upside down heart and has the words "To Let" on it. Next to her is a sign that says "A heart wanted." A Hoosier is a resident of the state of Indiana., Text: You’re forty, if you are a day, / And yet no husband comes your way. / It is too bad that such a face / Should live alone in such a place. /Take in your sign, and get thee West,-- / There aged maidens thrive the best. / For Hoosiers, when they seek a pal, / Are all content if she’s a gal., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The angry woman beats her philandering lover with a broom as he lies across her lap. A speech balloon by her head reads " HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH THE SERVANT?" as he cries, "Oh! Oh!", Text: It’s evident, my angry fair, / Whate’er your wrongs, How much you (bare) bear; / Tho’ I would rather not be sharing / My lot with one who’s so for bareing; / Such wives as thee who ever’s got ‘em, / Will find they’re very bad at BOTTOM! / So I for my part would decline. / Such a very STRIKING Valentine., Cf. Valentines 1.19, 1.20., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two cats are on a tiled roof. One has a woman's head. Behind the roof is a man with a face. "To go upon the tiles" means to embark on a drinking or sexual adventure. The valentine accuses the woman of indulging her passions in excess., Text: You love to go upon the Tiles, / To exercise your wanton wiles; / Nowhere will you find your match / In coming up unto the SCRATCH., "No. 141", Provenance: Helfand, Wiliam H..
A man holding a piece of rope stands over a woman with a black eye who is kneeling on the floor. On the wall behind them is a clock with a disapproving face. The sender criticizes the recipient's brutish behavior in beating his wife and suggests that many of the neighbors share his opinion., Text: Ill looking, ill conditioned Brute, / What punishment your crime will suit, / That coward from I’d naked strip, / And put in each neighbour’s hand a whip / To hunt you as they would a beast, / From North to South, From West to East, / Until you knelt at spousy’s feet, / Humbly for pardon to entreat., "199", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing a flowered bonnet holds a fold of her dress in her hand. Her shoes, undergarments and crinoline are visible below her dress., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An elaborately dressed woman holds the folds of her skirt. Her shoes and crinoline are visible beneath the skirt., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Cf. Valentines 15.13, 15.15, 15.16., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with an elaborate hairstyle carries a parasol. In the other hand, she holds her voluminous skirt. Her petticoat and the tassles on her boots are visible beneath her skirt., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Cf. Valentines 15.13, 15.14, 15.16., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
