A woman smiles at a boy playing with a hoop and stick. The valentine chides her for flirting inappropriately at and advanced age., Text: I do not wish your feelings, ma’ma to hurt, / But for one old and ugly still to flirt, / And leer and giggle on each man you meet, / To say the least is not at all discreet., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A women in a revealing dress is sitting on the lap of a uniformed soldier. The texts implies she is promiscuous., Text: I know my girl you’d like to be / Thus seated on a soldier’s knee, / Void of sense and void of shame, / Playing at many a wanton game; / When his knee you sit upon, / Perhaps like this you try it on ; / Trying how his things will fit, / And sure to PUT YOUR FOOT IN IT., "85", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a crocdile head holds a handkerchief to his teary eye. Two women are looking at him, one has her hands on her hips. The sender accuses the recipient of being insincere and deceitful., Text: I love a man that is sincere in all he’ll say and do, / But not a sniveling Crocodile, deceitful wretch like you / Who for any paltry end can always whine and cry, / You ugly, paltry, sniveling brute, deceit is in your eye. / You may whine and do your best at which we only laugh, / But let us tell you love’s too old to be thus caught by chaff., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a bulky coat stands with her hands in her pockets. The sender suggests the sketch presents a a true and less flattering likeness, which ought to correct the recipient's conceited attitude., Text: I send you my dearest a sketch of your Phiz, / Just look in the glass and you’ll find it, / ‘Tis so true you’ll admit ‘tis not meant for a Quiz, / It may cure your conceit, so pray mind it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A Bricklayer wearing a smock and paper hat stands beside a wall and holds a trowel., Text: I vow to me it would be torture / To wed with one besmear’d with mortar; / In blessed singleness I’ll pine, / Rather than be your Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing a flowered bonnet holds a fold of her dress in her hand. Her shoes, undergarments and crinoline are visible below her dress., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An elaborately dressed woman holds the folds of her skirt. Her shoes and crinoline are visible beneath the skirt., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Cf. Valentines 15.13, 15.15, 15.16., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with an elaborate hairstyle carries a parasol. In the other hand, she holds her voluminous skirt. Her petticoat and the tassles on her boots are visible beneath her skirt., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Cf. Valentines 15.13, 15.14, 15.16., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman carrying a parasol walkes by an enclosed garden. She is holding the front of her skirt up to reveal lacy undergarment beneath it., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Cf. Valentines 15.13, 15.14, 15.15., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man holding a piece of rope stands over a woman with a black eye who is kneeling on the floor. On the wall behind them is a clock with a disapproving face. The sender criticizes the recipient's brutish behavior in beating his wife and suggests that many of the neighbors share his opinion., Text: Ill looking, ill conditioned Brute, / What punishment your crime will suit, / That coward from I’d naked strip, / And put in each neighbour’s hand a whip / To hunt you as they would a beast, / From North to South, From West to East, / Until you knelt at spousy’s feet, / Humbly for pardon to entreat., "199", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two cats are on a tiled roof. One has a woman's head. Behind the roof is a man with a face. "To go upon the tiles" means to embark on a drinking or sexual adventure. The valentine accuses the woman of indulging her passions in excess., Text: You love to go upon the Tiles, / To exercise your wanton wiles; / Nowhere will you find your match / In coming up unto the SCRATCH., "No. 141", Provenance: Helfand, Wiliam H..
The angry woman beats her philandering lover with a broom as he lies across her lap. A speech balloon by her head reads " HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH THE SERVANT?" as he cries, "Oh! Oh!", Text: It’s evident, my angry fair, / Whate’er your wrongs, How much you (bare) bear; / Tho’ I would rather not be sharing / My lot with one who’s so for bareing; / Such wives as thee who ever’s got ‘em, / Will find they’re very bad at BOTTOM! / So I for my part would decline. / Such a very STRIKING Valentine., Cf. Valentines 1.19, 1.20., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An older woman stands with her hands over her heart. The bottom of her dress is shaped like an upside down heart and has the words "To Let" on it. Next to her is a sign that says "A heart wanted." A Hoosier is a resident of the state of Indiana., Text: You’re forty, if you are a day, / And yet no husband comes your way. / It is too bad that such a face / Should live alone in such a place. /Take in your sign, and get thee West,-- / There aged maidens thrive the best. / For Hoosiers, when they seek a pal, / Are all content if she’s a gal., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in ragged clothing walks with an umbrella tucked underneath his arm. A bust of a nude young woman on a pedestal is visible in the background., Text: Your buttonless shirt, and ragged coat sleeves, / Proclaim you to be an old Bach; / Pray hunt up some young maid, I really believe / If you tried, you would soon make a match., Cf. Comic Valentine 7.49, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachman in an elaborate uniform sits on the box of a carriage and holds a whip. "Spooney" means foolish or sentimental., Text: Old Coachee, mounted on your box, / You look as stupid as an ox; / The coach of Wedlock, do not strive, / With me old boy you ne’er shall drive / So all your views at once resign, / You spooney looking Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a fish for a head wears a top hat and carries a cane. "Cod-fish aristocracy" was a derogatory term for New Englanders whose family wealth originated in maritime businesses., Text: In vain you try to make a show, / ‘Mongst the proud flesh of cod-fish row, / Your home should be fast to a rod, / Upon the banks of old Cape “Cod.”, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands behind a counter and measures leaves in a set of scales. He is wearing an apron and pointed shoes. Beneath the counter is a box marked sloe-leaves. The sender implies that the shopkeeper substitutes sloe leaves for tea., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdigris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a gap-toothed grin weighs leaves in a set of scales. The packet he holds in his hand is labelled "Imitation tea" and several other containers behind the counter are labeled "Dutch pink", "Tea Dust", and "Verdigrease". The valentine suggests the clerk cheats his customers., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdegris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wears a top hat and carries a monocle on a lanyard. He hold the monocle up to a passing woman's skirt and a speech balloon says "Dem fine girl!" The sender finds his pursuit of women empty and pathetic., Text: Poor addle headed empty ass, / Prying about with quizzing glass, / Lisping and drawing out each word, / In manner that is too absurd, / Dodging the footsteps of some fair, / Like some hungry ill bred cur / Following a butcher thro’ the street., "47", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a black dress sits at a table. She holds a handkerchief to her eyes and is crying. There is an open bottle and a glass on the table and "Gammon" is written on the wall behind her. Gammon means nonsense and suggests that her grief is insincere., Text: Poor widow wooding for the loss, / Of one you’ll ne’er forget / And yet the thought my mind will cross, / That you are TO BE LET. / But in you no charm I see, / And therefore frankly own, / That all the chance you have with me, / Is to be LET alone., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands in a door in his shop wearing an apron. In one hand he holds a bird a knife in the other. Several dead birds are hanging up, while several live birds are in a cage, and a chest is filled with eggs., Text: The Poulterer surely is the man; / To please the fair if any can, / He tries as far as he is able, / To suit their taste and grace their table. / But tho’ good-will formed all he’s gained, / There’s One whose smile could he obtain, / He’d ever anxious be to prove, / His wish to please as well as Love., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A girl stands with her hands on her hips. Her face is covered in bandages. The valentine suggests the injuries might be self-inflicted., Text: Pray tell me, miss, how came you by them? / Are they cuts or scratches? / Or are they beauty-spots—good gracious! / All those awful patches?, "392", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing ice skates has multiple pairs of legs, which indicate that they are moving quickly. Four men observe him. "Monkey shines" means monkey-like antics., Text: Brisk as a flea, as lightning flashes, / Quickly you make grasshopper dashes-- / Hic, presto, change! Now here, now there; / We cannot find you anywhere-- / But know a fool is in the middle, / And thus I solve your icy riddle. / From those that cut up monkey shines, / We do not choose our Valentines., Cf. Valentine 8.36, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a long dress is standing by an icy pond. She crosses her arms and looks down at the ground. The sender citicizes the recipeint for lacking warmth and being overly concerned with propriety., Text: You’re very nice though somewhat old, / And I should say you’re rather cold, / Your looks a penny ice would freeze, / Or cause an Esquimaux to sneeze., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A boy wearing a cap and short jacket is smoking. He stands in front of a house. His toes are turned in and his elbows stick out. The valentine criticizes the recipient for smoking and having a ridiculous appearance., Text: Pug-nosed smoking boy, look here, / How quaint your visage, and how queer, / With turned in knees, and turned in toes, / Rach little boy cries “There he goes.” / And so you may, my little man, / Try all you think, do all you can / Mixture of man, and boy, and swine, / Now don’t you think you look divine?, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman holds a hat and stands in front of a display of fabric. The valentine suggests that the recipient is promiscuous with her customers., Text: Read this, my good woman and don’t think it hard, / When you let out your ribbons and love by the yard; / I’m fond of a roller, sometimes it is true, / But I don’t care a pin for a roller from you. / And in temper and passion we plainly may tell, / If we grant you a yard, you’ll be taking an ell. / So adieu, Mrs. Huckaback, here I must stop, / For I love not a beauty who smells of the shop., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An older woman leans on a counter. A dog sits on its hind legs on the other dise of the counter. A sign says "All kinds of fancy goods". The valentine suggests that her ill-temper makes he unfit to serve customers or attract a husband., Text: You ill-tempered maid, old age is creeping o’er you, / And you ill-treat the folks, who come to buy from you / Your restless tongue’s abuse, is sharper than a burr, / And you’re only fit to wait, upon some stupid cur. / Nobody will buy from you, and he who’s your boss, / Should send you off at once, and save a further loss., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A school master holds a student by his hair and prepares to hit his backside with a twig broom. A donkey is drawn on the blackboard in the background., Text: A MODEL School Master you are, there’s no doubt, / Some put knowledge in, but you beat it all out; / With your lunatic whipping, your kicks and your thumps, / You can bring out an ape’s phrenological bumps; / And if you’re promoted to suit able schools, / It should be a college of asses and mules., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a sheep's head kneels and clasps his hands together. He has a basket full of flowers over one arm. "Pap" is a food for small children., Text: Pray don’t kneel to me with flowers sweet and rare, / With basket on your arm, Sheep-face that you are- / How can you think a maiden like myself, / Could have one thought of thee, simple love-sick elf! / Go home unto your mammy, sit upon her lap, / She will feed her baby on soda-bisuit pap., Cf. Comic Valentine, 9.41, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A boy lies on his stomach with his heels in the air underneath a tree. The sun is high in the sky and a hoe is lying on the ground next to the boy, suggesting he is neglecting farming duties., Text: You are the biggest fraud on earth, / A lazy, loafing lout, / A big mistake was at your birth-- / Oh! That your ma was out! / Such shirks as you should be caught up, / And sent around the horn, / Or an inquest held on all of you, / Before you e’er were born-- / Oh! How we hope that some fine day, / You may dry up and blow away., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in an elaborate outfit smiles and puts one hand on her hip. Her smile reveals gaps in her teeth. The valentien suggests she has an inlfated opinion of herself., Text: In cheap, dinky togs, which you think very fine, / You try every Sunday to cut a big shine; / Of style or of beauty you’ve nothing to speak, / But you make up your shortage with plenty of cheek. / Perhaps you imagine that people you meet / Don’t know what you are as you walk down the street; / If so, you’re in error to think them so green, / For you’re known for a Shop Girl as soon as you’re seen., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man is watching a woman through a window. He has spilled a pail of water. The valentine criticizes him for paying attention to the woman and not to his work., Text: The sight of a Boddice, or few stray curls, / Sets your mouth watering after the Girls, / While you are staring with lecherous eyes / Your blundering movements your pail will capsize, / Splashing and pouring all into the street, / Making the passers by white as a sheet; / While you get the sack, as truly you luck it / Deserves for so stupidly kicking the Bucket., "117", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman rides a bicycle. The Sun is visible in the background, wearing a wide smile. The valentine suggests the woman look ridiculous riding the bicycle., Text: The Sun in his daily journey / Must gaze on queer sights many, / But I’m sure that on your Cycle / Are quite as queer as any. / Absurd enough you were always / To take away folk’s breath, / But now there’s really danger / You’ll make them laugh to death., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man and a woman are seated, each holding a small child. The woman is wiping one child's rear end, while the second child is urinating on his father, who pinches his nose against the smell., Text: Since you’ve had children you’ve began / To be indeed an all-ter’d (TIED) man, / “How happy could I be with either, / Were the other young screamer away, / But while they both s—t me together, / From the stink I can’t get all the day., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A harness maker sits on a bench and works on a harness on his lap. There are saddles hanging on the wall behind him., Text: Sleepy looking harness maker, /What girl would ever let you take her / For a wife, and thus to be / Saddled by such a thing as thee, / Of leather you so stink ‘tis true / That I should like to leather you, / To saddle an ass as if ‘twere my pleasure / Why I would send to take they measure., "150", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands inside a room with a heart-shaped padlock over the fly of his pants. His wife is peering around the door. The valentine suggests that his wife locks him up to prevent him from seeing other women., Text: Soft headed self loving rake, / This the precaution I would take, / To bind you fast, and keep you true, / If I were wedded unto you. / For if you’d follow every bonnet, / Your TRUNK must have a lock upon it. / So know your fate if you’d be mine, / To padlock’d be, my Valentine., "No. 3", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A stablehand wears patched trousers and smokes a pipe. He carries a broom and is sweeping up after a horse. A pitchfork leans against the wall behind him., Text: Ugliest of the ostler crew, / Why do you make so much ado, / About the stable as you rush / Armed with curry-comb and brush? / The horses tremble with affright / When you approach them, day or night., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands behind a counter with a fowl in his hand and smiles. The valentine suggests that although he can be ingratiating, he is not trustworthy., Text: Stands the Poulterer pert and sly, / Madam, pray step in and buy; / Ah! Buy indeed, to buy and rue, / Would be to buy a goose like you; / Never, by cock and hen, I swear, / Shall you be mine, unpolished bear., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man is holding a large barrel. His half closed eyes, unsteady posture, and broad grin suggest he may be drunk. A woman stands behind the counter, which has a pawnbroker's symbol on it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with an oversized head leans over a smaller man with her index finger raised in the air. Her mouth is open and her tongue is out. The man has a papers labeled "Tracts" in his pocket and a book labeled "Bible" has fallen on the floor. The valentine criticizes her for exhausting others and monopolizing the preacher's attention., Text: ‘Tis said you loved a Parson, / And he was short of breath; / You cornered him so well one day / You talked him right to death. / Now, when they hear you’re coming, / It makes them wince and frown; / The seek the nearest depot, / And take the train from town. / I pray thee stop, and have some pity, / Or we won’t have a preacher in the city., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A teamster is seated on his box and holds the reins and a whip. He is smoking a pipe. The valentine accuses him of being overly reckless., Text: As a teamster you’re putting yourself on such a high air, / You are a team in yourself, and a donkey to spare; / Like a show-man’s vain monkey you sit on the seat, / And run smash and bang ‘gainst all things on the street; / A team of blind horses could better go through / And come off more safe from a smash-up than you., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands behind a counter wearing an apron, with his hands in his pockets. On the other side of the conter another man holds upa set of balances and says "False, Sir.", Text: Tho’ in butter cheese, and such as these / You deal, your CONDUCT’s not the CHEESE / They say the buyer never fail / To find ‘gainst him you turn the scale. / By such tricks you rob the poor, / Untill the jury at your door, / Finds you out and prove too late, / We cannot trust a man of WEIGHT. / Measures not men’s a motto fine, / Then an honest! Thief shall ne’er be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
portly man is sleeping in a chair. A woman observes him from a window and says "I wish the lazy beast would wake.", Text: Tho’ you are PORTER, clumsy calf, / You shall not make me half and half / And fond of sleeping as you be, / No SLEEPING PARTNER find in me; / Short-winded, bloated, lazy elf / With care for no one but yourself; / Ne’er think to mate in wedlock sweet, / For you could not make BOTH ENDS MEET., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A young woman in a gown holds a bouquet of flowers., Text: Thou languishing young lady bird, / Thou angel quite untainted, / With ruby lips and well formed hips, / Pray tell me – are you painted! / You’re uglier than the Gorgon, / That hightoned folks to stone, / I little thought my darling, / Such a beauty you’d have grown., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two tailor's dummies have bustles, wigs and other accessories attached to them. The valentine suggests that these accessories will not help the recipient find love., Text: ‘Tis all in vain your simpering looks, / You never can incline, / With all your bustles, stays, and curls, / To find a Valentine., Text: Lloyd, 17, Bellebury Square, Fleet street, 415, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a frock coat plays the violin., Text: ‘Tis by your Music, you’re anxious to try / With dulcet like notes, my poor heart to decoy / But Sir you’ve quite fail’d that object to gain / Your chords are all discord, I listen with pain, / As for your looks too, be candid I must / When I see you I turn from the sight with disgust., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
