The woman with the "corkscrew tongue" is shown wearing a yellow and red gown, bonnet., Text: Beware of woman, both old and young; / I once had a wife with a corkscrew tongue. / Whenever we disagreed, you see, / she run the 'unruly member' through me, / Cutting me up, stomach and heart -- / 'Twas an awful BORE, and we had to part. / 'Twas an ex-screw-tiating divorce, / But the corkscrew left me no other course. / I send you this, as a warning, in time / To unscrew your long tongue, if you'd have a Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The counter jumper sits at desk and writes in a ledger. Ledgers marked "Cash" and "day" are on a shelf above his desk, and some of the letters face the wrong direction. The sender mocks the recipient's inflated sense of self-worth as a ladies' man., Text: Behind the counter, like an ape, / You grin and measure off your tape, / And put on winning ways, / While the ladies laugh aside, / At your folly and your pride, / And scorn your silly praise. / You think that every lady is inclin'd / To take you for her Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The country clown holds a rake and stands on grass. He smiles widely and wears a wide-brimmed hat, trousers, shirt, and vest. The text suggests that he speaks a provincial dialect, saying "ye" for "you.", Text: Devoid of breeding, arts, and graces, / Among the greens I'm sure your place is; / To come to town would be a pity, / For I am sure some horse would eat ye., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The country girl wears a low-cut gown, and she holds a basket of fruit in her lap and pares a piece of fruit. The valentine suggests that she is fickle and possibly sexually promiscuous., Text: Now's the time, sweet girl, for paring, / But, like your onions, I'm a pun-gent; / Ah! I fear you're too ensnaring, / And not content would be with one gent., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The "country pumbkin" is shown from the waist up. He carries a green pumpkin (or other squash) and wears a green top hat, blue jacket, and red vest. His mouth is open, either yawning or yelling. "Pumpkin" is a derogatory term for an important person., Text: Oh you poor corn-fed country Elf, / Behold the picture of thyself. / Hither come to make love's vows, / Better stay at home and feed your cows. / A city life will never do / For a stupid Hound like you, / Go hoe your corn and feed your swine / And keep your pumpkin for a Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The storekeeper daintly holds a napkin in one hand and pours coffee on the table with the other. He is thin, has thick catfish-like whiskers, and opens his mouth either yelling or shocked. A vase and a book are on the counter in front of him. A "codfish" was a wealthy New Englander whose family fortune originated in maritime business., Text: Magnificent merchant! you much I admire, / O! you prince of the counter -- you odd fish! / No doubt in the future I'll see you aspire / To a place 'mong the regular codfish., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a man in profile smiling. His beak-like nose and jacket with tails make him resemble a bird., Text: You don't look so very unruly; / In fact, you're as tame as a goose: / You're all you're cracked up to be, truly, / And your wits are lying 'round loose., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The crusty fellow of the valentine stands facing a flight of stairs. He holds an umbrella and wears a hat. He grimaces and has large, pointed features., Text: You're always full of dumps and vapors, / And playing off your crabbed capers; / I'd die a maiden old and fusty, / Ere I would wed a man so crusty., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows an image of a small child in a pink frock with a yellow collar crying with its hands clenched., Text: Pray dry your eyes my pretty child, / Be cheerful and then maybe, / Next time I pass this way I'll bring, / Some candy for the Baby., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a woman with the body of a duck., Text: Take my advice my little duck, / And quick a husband take, / For it is so, as you well know, / Each duck must have its drake., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The "daughter of the D---" holds a broom in one hand and a set of large tongs in the other. Her hair is wiry, and her face is pointed with lizard-like tongue and sharp teeth., Text: If all God e'er made was good, / Some things like you we find most evil; / And we must think, at least we should, / That you're the offspring of the D----., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a Union soldier passed out on the ground with a gun and a bottle in front of him. He has white hair and noticeable warts. "Zoo-Zoo" refers to the Zouave regiments in the Civil War., Text: Dead drunk, and sleeping on the ground, / Thus, Zoo-Zoo, daily you are found; / You would your country sell or buy, / For just one horn of strong old rye. / Go hang yourself upon yon tree, / You're not the Valentine for me., "522", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a tall woman in the foreground and a shorter woman in the background., Text: Dear Madam, I must vainly try / From your lengthened form to fly -- / To share that tender heart I pine / And fly to thee, my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a tiered skirt of ruffles of decreasing size that tapers at the ankles. The style of skirt caused women to lean forward in a Grecian Bend; the Grecian Bend style of bustle became popular after 1869., Text: Dear, simpering, fascinating Miss, / It struck me that you looked like this / When last I met you on the street, / In skirt with Grecian Bend replete; / The sight which you present / Would throw the warmest lover off the scent., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows two men. One reclines with his mouth open, and the other stands above him about to pull a tooth out. Both men have disheveled hair and pained expressions., Text: A Dentist here makes teeth of bone / For those whom Fate has left without; / And finds provision for his own / By pulling other people's out., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier runs. His jacket is red, but his belt buckle, marked "US," suggests that he is a Union soldier., Text: The man who would desert his country in her need, / Is so much lost to honor, honesty, and shame, / That after death his corpse should ravens feed -- / That all the world should e'en forget his name., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The woman carrying a small red parisol wears a gown with large yellow skirt with furbelows., Text: Yes, there she is; and it's no use talking, / I've seen the Devil in the street walking; / I thought they were chain'd in bonds superhuman, / This is hooped up just like a woman., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a woman with two faces. One smiles, has regular features, and holds out her hand. The other rages, has pointed features, and shakes her fist., Text: So, so, here we have you unmasked, / The truth is too plain to be asked; / Full of scandal, and always lying, / Constantly your tongue is flying; / You backbite the very best of friends, / And injure all to make your ends., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a dress with a narrow skirt and train and neither a crinoline nor a bustle. "Rag and tag" refers to the damage done to the trains of the skirts from walking in the streets. Crinolines were out of fashion in the late 1860s, and then bustles were in vogue. Bustles went out of fashion between 1876 and 1883., Text: Devoid of useless crinoline. / She moves majestic as a queen, / In sweeping robe and drooping bonnet / With many a rag and tag upon it., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman frowns and has a thin, wrinkled face. She wears a gown with a full skirt with furbelows and a very thin waistline. She sits on a sofa and rest her face on her hand; the object near her face is possibly a handkerchief. The valentine suggests that the recipient expected matrimony, but was disappointed., Text: Counting chickens ere their hatching / You found fatal to your matching; / Disappointed, now you linger, / Scored by Time's unsparing finger., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a man with a dog's head. He wears boxing gloves labeled "insant death" and "six months illness.". He also wears a monocle and a top hat, which suggest that he is a "puppy," or dandy. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: Do you think you ugly man, / Because you're like a black-and-tan, / And a hitter from the shoulder-joint likewise, / That on you the blooming girls, / With their fascinating curls, / Will glance with approbation in their eyes / If you do you're much mistaken, / For it's just as sure as bacon / No fighter can a woman's true love win, / But the soldier-boy whose blows / Fall on his country's foes / When the ring is pitched, the battle-field within., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The doctor stands in profile, holding a bottle labeled "mercury." He wears a top hat, trousers, and a coat with tails, and a large syringe hangs from his trousers., Text: All sickness and ills, you say, you can cure / By your all-healing garble and pill; / You relieve them from pain : of this I'm quite sure; / For, if you can't cure, you can kill., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
"Dr. Bleedems Office" appears on a sign behind the doctor, who stands holding a three-pronged knife in one hand and a saw in the other. The valentine mocks doctors who use unnecessary procedures to make money., Text: With probe, and saw, and lancet, / With plasters, purges and pukes, / You cut your way to favor / With duchesses and dukes; / But, you may saw into a fortune, / And probe into a mine, / Before I'd see in your ugly phiz / Anything worth this Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man wears battle armor made of household objects. He wears a pot as a helmet, brush bristles for epaulets, a lid for a breast plate, and red cannisters over his arms. He carries a broom and a poker from a fire place. Over his pants, he wears crinoline. The valentine satirizes draft dodgers as ridiculous and effeminate., Text: You boast of valor, pluck and grit, / And strong love of the Union -- / You're just the boy to dodge the draft, / And fir for a sneak's communion. / All decent girls view you with scorn, / And treat you with contempt; / When noble men are called for, / You're just fit to be exempt!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a tall, thin man kneeling as he holds a baby. He prepares food on a spider pan over a candle. The valentine suggests that the man is weak and child-like, and his wife is an abuser of both him and the baby., Text: Don't strike and thump him, baby Dick, / Leave 'ma to hit him many a lick; / 'Tis her he fears, not you, who squall, / He trembles so, he'll let you fall -- / Poor, shivering, nussing skeleton, / With cuffs for teaching, when he's done., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a woman sewing a dress. Both the woman's dress and the one she sews have red bodices and yellow skirts, but the one she sews has a lower neckline and shorter sleeves. The sender mocks the recipient for her status as a single woman., Text: My ugly old maid, how sad is your lot, / To work on some fine wedding gown, / And know all the while, live as long as you may, / You'll never have one of your own., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The dress maker wears the paper forms used to make a dress pattern. Her sleeves say "sleeve latest style" and "sleeve pattern." The dress bodice says "body pattern front" and "saque front pattern," and the skirt says "le mode de paris," and "cored skirt pattern." She stands in front of a store window that reads "Madame Slasher from Paris. Dress maker/ Parisian fits." Hickory shirts were worn by workers, and the valentine uses provincialisms to mock the dressmaker's pretensions., Text: Be jabers, its a useful insitution that ye are, / Wid yer 'gores," an' "waists," an' "boddice, an' skirts / An' if I had a few dirt paper collars to spare, / I'd try ye wid a dozen of good hickory shirts. / Do you stick up your nose at the shirts? Bellamalee. / Jist the thing! I'm after a lady so mighty fine / She'll be one thing to the public but another to me, / And won't I be illigant as her own Valentine!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a female figure whose neck and torso are a cabbage. Cabbage refers to the material leftover from making a garment. The valentine suggests that dressmakers steal it to make their own clothing., Text: Of all our modern goddesses / None greater is than she; / Who o'er the robes and boddices / Rules arbitrarily., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a dry goods clerk standing behind a counter. A much smaller woman faces him. A pair of gloves and bolt of fabric are on the counter. "Tin" is slang for money, and the sender mocks the recipient's financial status, suggesting that he would have to steal from the till to have enough money for a proper Valentine offering., Text: Just brains enough to measure tape, / And base enough to lie; / You're born to measure calico, / And leer in Woman's eye. / But when I want a Valentine, / I'll call and let you know, / That you may steal enough of "tin," / To make a proper show., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a woman and a man facing each other across a counter. He holds out a yellow piece of fabric for her to examine., Text: Sir Foppleton Frisk of folded shreds, / Silks, Satins, Laces, Cottons, Threads, / How oft I say "oh! did I ever," / My heart breathes quickly "No I never.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a large smiling woman holding a tankard of lager beer and a pretzel. The verse mocks Pennsylvania Deutsch (i.e., Pennsylvania German) women and their accents., Text: Mein leben schotze, I loaf you so, / So much as dat you never know; / Mit you I could be happy here, / Mit pretzels, you, und lager bier., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a wrinkled woman sitting in front of a mirror. In front of her is a bottled labeled "hair dye." The valentine mocks older single women who dye their hair and portrays them as desperate for matrimony., Text: Now Time has stolen all your charms, / (If any existed not sure am I,) / To win a husband to your arms / Your only resource now to dye., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows an elephant ice skating (and smoking). He wears a blue jacket and green pants and carries a walking stick. The sender rejects the recipient because of his weight., Text: I've heard fat men singing, / I'm told of their swimming, / I've seen them in various states -- / I've known of their dancing, / And ogling and glancing, / But ne'er have I seen one on skates. / I always am laughing, / When fat men I'm chaffing, / Who think that it will be my fate -- / It sets me tee-heeing, / A Valentine being, / To an elephant trying to skate., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows the Devil holding a pitchfork with a woman on the top over a fire. The devil has hairy legs, cloven feet, and four points on his head. The valentine suggests that the "old maid" is damned for failing to marry and procreate., Text: Oh! what a very sorry sight it is, / To see an aged lady still a Miss, / To know that single she must live and work, / And in the end be toasted on a fork., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man clings to a steam train's chimney with a frowning human face. Another man holds a flag in the background. The valentine possibly comments on sexual ethics., Text: Over the break-necks fiendlike plunging, / Car'less what ill you may entail, / If you're not cautious with your engine, / We'll ride you on another rail!, Cf. 3.37., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man clings to a steam train's chimney with a frowning human face. Another man holds a flag in the background. The valentine possibly comments on sexual ethics., Text: Over the break-necks fiendlike plunging, / Car'less what ill you may entail, / If you are not cautious with your engine, / We'll ride you on ANOTHER RAIL!, Cf. 3.36., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a gown with a red bodice and yellow skirt with furbelows. She holds up her hand and points her finger. The valentine criticizes the woman for her mean-spirited envy of others., Text: Who cannot look pleased at her neighbor's good, / But devours in secret the bitter food / That lean-faced detraction spreads on her board, / Will be marked out herself to be abhor'd!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a plaid gown with a low neckline that reveals her breasts. Her crinoline billows up, revealing her petticoat. She pulls back a yellow blanket, possibly before getting into bed. The text suggests that she is sexually promiscuous., Text: You shall not sigh your hours away, / For you're the gayest of the gay; / You love the concert and the dance, / Life's pleasures they so much enhance. / Full many a stricken, ardent beau, / Has oft' pronounced that you're not slow, / You do the warmth of love excite, / And charm me with hope of fond delight., Cf. Valentine 5.41., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man is seated in a cart pulled by a running horse. Two ships are in the background, one with a steam engine, and one with masts and sails. The valentine implies that the recipient presses the sender to engage in premarital sex. The sender rejects him because she does not believe he will marry her., Text: G'lang ole hoss -- high up, my spunky one! / Show 'em you'll do it -- can't you, though -- get on! / Allow me, sir, to interrupt you, -- do: / And, as you are, I will be EXPRESS, too; / I can't be pressed to favor your address, / And trust you'll make your pressing suit EX-PRESS., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man on ice skates has long mutton chops and holds a walking stick, suggesting that he is a dandy. The valentine encourages enlistment in the Union army and mocks the recipient's unmanly interest in dress and ice skating., Text: Faint-hearted youth! you talk of skating, / And call the sport quite animating; / You say there's nothing half so bracing; / There's naught the manly form so gracing, / As through the icy maze to twine. / But hark! your country's voice is calling, / Treason all her hopes is thralling; / 'Tis manlier games men now delight in, / For God and Liberty they're fighting; / From these I'll seek my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sits in front of a counter with bolts of fabric on it. She wears a bonnet, shawl, and dress with furbelows. A clerk holds up fabric behind the counter. The valentine urges the woman to restrain her spending., Text: Vain, prodigal woman, in jewels and dress, / Your delight is your money to spend, / But remember this, though your purse may be long, / It sometime must come to an end., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A frowning woman wears a yellow gown and holds a small parasol., Text: Full many a fair flower, not half so fair as you, / Has been plucked in early springtime, when fresh with morning's dew, / And you alone, neglected, have been carelessly passed by, / And now, when old and faded, you are left to droop and die., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in a green and red uniform looks into a tube, possibly a gun or cannon. He holds a monocle over his eye, carries a walking stick, and has long hair, suggesting that he is a dandy. The sender criticizes the recipient for posing as a soldier and suggests that he is effeminate., Text: Your swashing gate and vacant stare, / Pleased fools in times of peace, / But since afraid to go to war, / Put off the duds and cease., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A farmer gives grain to a small bird. He has moles and errant facial hairs. The valentine puns on the meanings of green and implies that the recipient is inexperienced and a bad farmer., Text: A farmer's life's the life for me, / A farmer's lad I mean to be; / So sweet to go, at early morn, / And give the little chicks their corn; / To milk the pigs, and shear the cows, / And see the 'punkins' on the boughs; / To gaze on all the lovely scene, / And be, just like the landscape, green., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The farmer's wife stands next to a large pig. A butter churn is behind her. The valentine mocks her for being overweight., Text: A charming life is a farmer's life; / And ain't you in luck to be his wife? / He feeds and fats you just like his pig, / And loves as much when you're twice as big., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man driving a carriage and says, " Don't I feel nobby now I keeps my own carriage?" "Nobby" is slang for smart or elegant., Text: They say you feel so proud of heart, / Because you keep a donkey cart; / One thing tho' you should bear in mind, / "Fellow feeling makes us kind," / Therefore you sometimes might change places / With the Donkey in the traces., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows an overweight woman with ringlet curls. Her gown is low cut., Text: "Fat, fair and forty," I have heard / As terms of half praise; on my word / I could not say the same of you, / Fat, ugly, lazy, is too true., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier's head is shaped like a bomb, and his mouth is a smoking fuse. He stands next to a cannon. The title references the fairytale Jack and the beanstalk. The valentine mocks the soldier for his unappealing bad temper., Text: Who'd marry a man with a head like a bomb, / And a mouth with a smoking fusee? / What woman with him her life would trust, / For his head might at any moment burst, / And then, where would she be?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The woman has a snake's body and a pointed tongue., Text: Deceitful reptile! vain thy every art-- / To captivate my eye, or charm my heart; / For even change your skin, you'd be, at last, / Nought but what now you are-- a snake in the grass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
