A man with a fish for a head wears a top hat and carries a cane. "Cod-fish aristocracy" was a derogatory term for New Englanders whose family wealth originated in maritime businesses., Text: In vain you try to make a show, / ‘Mongst the proud flesh of cod-fish row, / Your home should be fast to a rod, / Upon the banks of old Cape “Cod.”, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands behind a counter and measures leaves in a set of scales. He is wearing an apron and pointed shoes. Beneath the counter is a box marked sloe-leaves. The sender implies that the shopkeeper substitutes sloe leaves for tea., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdigris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a gap-toothed grin weighs leaves in a set of scales. The packet he holds in his hand is labelled "Imitation tea" and several other containers behind the counter are labeled "Dutch pink", "Tea Dust", and "Verdigrease". The valentine suggests the clerk cheats his customers., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdegris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wears a top hat and carries a monocle on a lanyard. He hold the monocle up to a passing woman's skirt and a speech balloon says "Dem fine girl!" The sender finds his pursuit of women empty and pathetic., Text: Poor addle headed empty ass, / Prying about with quizzing glass, / Lisping and drawing out each word, / In manner that is too absurd, / Dodging the footsteps of some fair, / Like some hungry ill bred cur / Following a butcher thro’ the street., "47", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a black dress sits at a table. She holds a handkerchief to her eyes and is crying. There is an open bottle and a glass on the table and "Gammon" is written on the wall behind her. Gammon means nonsense and suggests that her grief is insincere., Text: Poor widow wooding for the loss, / Of one you’ll ne’er forget / And yet the thought my mind will cross, / That you are TO BE LET. / But in you no charm I see, / And therefore frankly own, / That all the chance you have with me, / Is to be LET alone., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands in a door in his shop wearing an apron. In one hand he holds a bird a knife in the other. Several dead birds are hanging up, while several live birds are in a cage, and a chest is filled with eggs., Text: The Poulterer surely is the man; / To please the fair if any can, / He tries as far as he is able, / To suit their taste and grace their table. / But tho’ good-will formed all he’s gained, / There’s One whose smile could he obtain, / He’d ever anxious be to prove, / His wish to please as well as Love., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A girl stands with her hands on her hips. Her face is covered in bandages. The valentine suggests the injuries might be self-inflicted., Text: Pray tell me, miss, how came you by them? / Are they cuts or scratches? / Or are they beauty-spots—good gracious! / All those awful patches?, "392", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing ice skates has multiple pairs of legs, which indicate that they are moving quickly. Four men observe him. "Monkey shines" means monkey-like antics., Text: Brisk as a flea, as lightning flashes, / Quickly you make grasshopper dashes-- / Hic, presto, change! Now here, now there; / We cannot find you anywhere-- / But know a fool is in the middle, / And thus I solve your icy riddle. / From those that cut up monkey shines, / We do not choose our Valentines., Cf. Valentine 8.36, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a long dress is standing by an icy pond. She crosses her arms and looks down at the ground. The sender citicizes the recipeint for lacking warmth and being overly concerned with propriety., Text: You’re very nice though somewhat old, / And I should say you’re rather cold, / Your looks a penny ice would freeze, / Or cause an Esquimaux to sneeze., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A boy wearing a cap and short jacket is smoking. He stands in front of a house. His toes are turned in and his elbows stick out. The valentine criticizes the recipient for smoking and having a ridiculous appearance., Text: Pug-nosed smoking boy, look here, / How quaint your visage, and how queer, / With turned in knees, and turned in toes, / Rach little boy cries “There he goes.” / And so you may, my little man, / Try all you think, do all you can / Mixture of man, and boy, and swine, / Now don’t you think you look divine?, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman holds a hat and stands in front of a display of fabric. The valentine suggests that the recipient is promiscuous with her customers., Text: Read this, my good woman and don’t think it hard, / When you let out your ribbons and love by the yard; / I’m fond of a roller, sometimes it is true, / But I don’t care a pin for a roller from you. / And in temper and passion we plainly may tell, / If we grant you a yard, you’ll be taking an ell. / So adieu, Mrs. Huckaback, here I must stop, / For I love not a beauty who smells of the shop., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An older woman leans on a counter. A dog sits on its hind legs on the other dise of the counter. A sign says "All kinds of fancy goods". The valentine suggests that her ill-temper makes he unfit to serve customers or attract a husband., Text: You ill-tempered maid, old age is creeping o’er you, / And you ill-treat the folks, who come to buy from you / Your restless tongue’s abuse, is sharper than a burr, / And you’re only fit to wait, upon some stupid cur. / Nobody will buy from you, and he who’s your boss, / Should send you off at once, and save a further loss., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A school master holds a student by his hair and prepares to hit his backside with a twig broom. A donkey is drawn on the blackboard in the background., Text: A MODEL School Master you are, there’s no doubt, / Some put knowledge in, but you beat it all out; / With your lunatic whipping, your kicks and your thumps, / You can bring out an ape’s phrenological bumps; / And if you’re promoted to suit able schools, / It should be a college of asses and mules., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a sheep's head kneels and clasps his hands together. He has a basket full of flowers over one arm. "Pap" is a food for small children., Text: Pray don’t kneel to me with flowers sweet and rare, / With basket on your arm, Sheep-face that you are- / How can you think a maiden like myself, / Could have one thought of thee, simple love-sick elf! / Go home unto your mammy, sit upon her lap, / She will feed her baby on soda-bisuit pap., Cf. Comic Valentine, 9.41, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A boy lies on his stomach with his heels in the air underneath a tree. The sun is high in the sky and a hoe is lying on the ground next to the boy, suggesting he is neglecting farming duties., Text: You are the biggest fraud on earth, / A lazy, loafing lout, / A big mistake was at your birth-- / Oh! That your ma was out! / Such shirks as you should be caught up, / And sent around the horn, / Or an inquest held on all of you, / Before you e’er were born-- / Oh! How we hope that some fine day, / You may dry up and blow away., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in an elaborate outfit smiles and puts one hand on her hip. Her smile reveals gaps in her teeth. The valentien suggests she has an inlfated opinion of herself., Text: In cheap, dinky togs, which you think very fine, / You try every Sunday to cut a big shine; / Of style or of beauty you’ve nothing to speak, / But you make up your shortage with plenty of cheek. / Perhaps you imagine that people you meet / Don’t know what you are as you walk down the street; / If so, you’re in error to think them so green, / For you’re known for a Shop Girl as soon as you’re seen., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man is watching a woman through a window. He has spilled a pail of water. The valentine criticizes him for paying attention to the woman and not to his work., Text: The sight of a Boddice, or few stray curls, / Sets your mouth watering after the Girls, / While you are staring with lecherous eyes / Your blundering movements your pail will capsize, / Splashing and pouring all into the street, / Making the passers by white as a sheet; / While you get the sack, as truly you luck it / Deserves for so stupidly kicking the Bucket., "117", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman rides a bicycle. The Sun is visible in the background, wearing a wide smile. The valentine suggests the woman look ridiculous riding the bicycle., Text: The Sun in his daily journey / Must gaze on queer sights many, / But I’m sure that on your Cycle / Are quite as queer as any. / Absurd enough you were always / To take away folk’s breath, / But now there’s really danger / You’ll make them laugh to death., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man and a woman are seated, each holding a small child. The woman is wiping one child's rear end, while the second child is urinating on his father, who pinches his nose against the smell., Text: Since you’ve had children you’ve began / To be indeed an all-ter’d (TIED) man, / “How happy could I be with either, / Were the other young screamer away, / But while they both s—t me together, / From the stink I can’t get all the day., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A harness maker sits on a bench and works on a harness on his lap. There are saddles hanging on the wall behind him., Text: Sleepy looking harness maker, /What girl would ever let you take her / For a wife, and thus to be / Saddled by such a thing as thee, / Of leather you so stink ‘tis true / That I should like to leather you, / To saddle an ass as if ‘twere my pleasure / Why I would send to take they measure., "150", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands inside a room with a heart-shaped padlock over the fly of his pants. His wife is peering around the door. The valentine suggests that his wife locks him up to prevent him from seeing other women., Text: Soft headed self loving rake, / This the precaution I would take, / To bind you fast, and keep you true, / If I were wedded unto you. / For if you’d follow every bonnet, / Your TRUNK must have a lock upon it. / So know your fate if you’d be mine, / To padlock’d be, my Valentine., "No. 3", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A stablehand wears patched trousers and smokes a pipe. He carries a broom and is sweeping up after a horse. A pitchfork leans against the wall behind him., Text: Ugliest of the ostler crew, / Why do you make so much ado, / About the stable as you rush / Armed with curry-comb and brush? / The horses tremble with affright / When you approach them, day or night., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands behind a counter with a fowl in his hand and smiles. The valentine suggests that although he can be ingratiating, he is not trustworthy., Text: Stands the Poulterer pert and sly, / Madam, pray step in and buy; / Ah! Buy indeed, to buy and rue, / Would be to buy a goose like you; / Never, by cock and hen, I swear, / Shall you be mine, unpolished bear., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man is holding a large barrel. His half closed eyes, unsteady posture, and broad grin suggest he may be drunk. A woman stands behind the counter, which has a pawnbroker's symbol on it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with an oversized head leans over a smaller man with her index finger raised in the air. Her mouth is open and her tongue is out. The man has a papers labeled "Tracts" in his pocket and a book labeled "Bible" has fallen on the floor. The valentine criticizes her for exhausting others and monopolizing the preacher's attention., Text: ‘Tis said you loved a Parson, / And he was short of breath; / You cornered him so well one day / You talked him right to death. / Now, when they hear you’re coming, / It makes them wince and frown; / The seek the nearest depot, / And take the train from town. / I pray thee stop, and have some pity, / Or we won’t have a preacher in the city., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A teamster is seated on his box and holds the reins and a whip. He is smoking a pipe. The valentine accuses him of being overly reckless., Text: As a teamster you’re putting yourself on such a high air, / You are a team in yourself, and a donkey to spare; / Like a show-man’s vain monkey you sit on the seat, / And run smash and bang ‘gainst all things on the street; / A team of blind horses could better go through / And come off more safe from a smash-up than you., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A young woman in a gown holds a bouquet of flowers., Text: Thou languishing young lady bird, / Thou angel quite untainted, / With ruby lips and well formed hips, / Pray tell me – are you painted! / You’re uglier than the Gorgon, / That hightoned folks to stone, / I little thought my darling, / Such a beauty you’d have grown., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands behind a counter wearing an apron, with his hands in his pockets. On the other side of the conter another man holds upa set of balances and says "False, Sir.", Text: Tho’ in butter cheese, and such as these / You deal, your CONDUCT’s not the CHEESE / They say the buyer never fail / To find ‘gainst him you turn the scale. / By such tricks you rob the poor, / Untill the jury at your door, / Finds you out and prove too late, / We cannot trust a man of WEIGHT. / Measures not men’s a motto fine, / Then an honest! Thief shall ne’er be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
portly man is sleeping in a chair. A woman observes him from a window and says "I wish the lazy beast would wake.", Text: Tho’ you are PORTER, clumsy calf, / You shall not make me half and half / And fond of sleeping as you be, / No SLEEPING PARTNER find in me; / Short-winded, bloated, lazy elf / With care for no one but yourself; / Ne’er think to mate in wedlock sweet, / For you could not make BOTH ENDS MEET., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two tailor's dummies have bustles, wigs and other accessories attached to them. The valentine suggests that these accessories will not help the recipient find love., Text: ‘Tis all in vain your simpering looks, / You never can incline, / With all your bustles, stays, and curls, / To find a Valentine., Text: Lloyd, 17, Bellebury Square, Fleet street, 415, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a frock coat plays the violin., Text: ‘Tis by your Music, you’re anxious to try / With dulcet like notes, my poor heart to decoy / But Sir you’ve quite fail’d that object to gain / Your chords are all discord, I listen with pain, / As for your looks too, be candid I must / When I see you I turn from the sight with disgust., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A bartender wears an apron and rolled-up shirtsleeves. He pours a beer from a tap and appears to be dancing. The sender rejects him because she does not consider him cultivated enough for her., Text: Oh! Mr. Barman, / you never will be, / The cultivated kind of man / to marry me., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A policeman in uniform holds a lantern in his hand. The valentine suggests that he takes advantage of the benefits of his position and shies away from the responsibilities., Text: If the right one’s a strong ‘un, / You collar the wrong ‘un, / It’s one of the tricks of the trade. / All the members / Of the force, / Have a watch / and chain, of course. /You’re the biggest fraud in the force, / and with your lantern in your hand, / You frighten all the kids / and rob every costers stand, /You sample the gin at the corners, / till your nose is as red as a beet, / And if they come down with the tanners, / you wink at the rascals who cheat, / You are after all the cookies, / like any love sick chick, / And when there’s a row a brewing / you scamper away mighty quick., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two women gossip over a wall., Text: Think not, Miss Tittle tattle, to impart / One ray of pure affection to my heart, / A wedding ring from me no one shall handle, / Whose sole delight is gossiping and scandal! / You stupid minx, you mischief-making slut, / Your silly head you in a bag may put, / For as a wife you never sure will shine, -- / You’ll ne’er be chosen for a Valentine., Lloyd, signed by Pickering, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A bricklayer climbs a ladder and carries his hod on his shoulder. The valentine chides him for being slow at his work., Text: Like an ape dressed in breeches / you creep up the wall, / Or like a slow tumble bug / pushing his ball, / If anyone calls you to hurry up quick, / You are down upon them, / ‘like a 1000 of bricks,” / You think you’re a brick, / but you’re but a brick bat, / With mud in your hod / and with bricks in your hat., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A shopkeeper stands behind a counter with his hands in his pockets. Across the counter a customer observes the scales and says "False, sir." The valentine accuses the recipient of cheating his customers., Text: You call yourself a business man, / But you cheat the public when you can, / In all your goods, short weight you give, / And rob the poor, yourself to live., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A waiter carries a large stack of plates. He has a cloth falling out of his pocket. A small dog is in his path., Text: With slomickey shoes upon your feet, / And greasy rag upon your arm, / You slop the hairy hash about, / And spill the gravy to a charm. / And when at noon you sometimes try, / To carry twenty plates or more; / With what a clatter then you drop, / The knives and forks upon the floor., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A waiting maid carries a full platter. A speech bubble says "I declare I am quite the slave of the ring.", Tetx: Who meets you in your blundering way, / Will wish the “Deuce” was in your “Tray,’ / And as a waiting maid you be, / Why you are “made” to “wait” for me., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands in a garden smoking a cigarette or cigar. He wears a top hat, glasses, and patterned trousers. He also has a moustache and muttonchops. The valentine chides him for focusing too much on dress and following fads., Text: To be out of fashion is to be out of the world, ‘tis said, / So you adopt the jacket, smoke, and are by fashion led, / In fashion, if you will waste your thread of life, / No Woman of sense, will ever become your Wife., Cf. Valenitne 16.42, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man walks and smokes a cigar. He carries an umbrella and wears a top hat. The valentine criticizes him for caring too much about following fashions., Text: To be out of fashion is to be out of the world, ‘tis said, / So you adopt the jacket, smoke, and are by fashion led, / In fashion, if you will waste your thread of life, / No Woman of sense, will ever become your Wife., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with a long nose holds a bonnet. Other millinery articles sit on a table behind her and a piar of scissors hangs from her waist., Text: Ugliest of the fair creation, / With lips that are not red but blue; / And face devoid of animation, / Take me for your lover true., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with long hair is seated and playing the violin., Text: A crochet from a quaver you scarcely know, / And yet eternally you are drawing your bow; / Next to a trombone a fiddle I despise, / Why you try either I cannot well surmise., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with simian features kneels in the grass and smokes a cigar., Text: Here your portrait you may see, / Drawn as like as like can be, / Your features coarse, your frightful shape, / You may behold, you ugly ape! / A glance from you, you horrid churl, / The life would frighten from any girl., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Text: What, my chap about town! I certainly thinks, / That the vulgate, ex-homo, a fellow who stinks, / And the heat that we know, of so filthy a spark, / The nuisance is traced, in the twilight—or dark., Published by A. Park, 47, Leonard Street, Finsbury, London, 171, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachmen wearing a top hat opens the door of a carriage., Text: When I’m stuck behind the Carriage, / With my cockade on my hat, / The servant maids, I hear them / Say, a nice young man is that., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with muttonchops looks in a mirror and sees a donkey., Text: Who foolishly regards himself / A handsome man, / Take yonder mirror off the shelf, / And admire your portrait if you can., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man holds a child and a soiled cloth. A woman from behind a curtain asks, "Haven't you changed tha child yet?" The man replies, "Yes my love, and now he wants his chair." The valentine mocks him for being ordered around by his wife and makes use of scatological humor., Text: Why you silly mawkish dandle / Type of henpeck’d Mr. Candle, /Who at spousy’s angry word / Tho’ not dead will be in-terred (turd,) /And like a sailor in a sloop, / Will find a place upon the poop, /Do you think I would incline, / To choose a stinking Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wears a large hoop skirt, a cape, and a feathered hat, and carries a parasol and small bag. The sender suggests that such attention to appearances will not make up for the recipient's personal defects., Text: With a fine hat and painted face, / Leading a life of gay disgrace, / Don’t think that wearing such a hat, / Will aid you to catch a flat, / Your false hair is nicely braided, / Your infamy well paraded., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman is looking in a mirror. The reflection shows a cat's face. "What a reflexion!" appears in a speech balloon above her head., Text: With sweet talking, smiling, singing, / A Bean to catch yourself prepare; / Yet no such fool was ever living, / Who cannot see that you ensnare., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in his night clothes carries a musket and a candle. He holds the candle up to shed light on a man who is hiding in the fireplace. In the background, his wife looks out from behind the door. The text suggests that if the lover continues his behavior, another husband will shoot him., Text: You are an ill conditioned sneak, / U[pon] every amourous freak, / For you have spent your wretched life / In seeking some one else's wife; / Behold what perhap may be your fate, / Carrying on at this sad rate; / Some angry husband may discover, / And blow out your brains my general lover., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
