Two Zouave Union soldiers run among rifles, pistols, cannons, and cannonballs, one of which is marked rum., Text: Zu-Zu, you made a splendid run, / From Bull-Run fight, to Washington. / By Bully Runners e'er so fleet; / Your feats of legs such wonders/ raised, / That every one has stood amazed. / So, Coward Recreant, Renegade, / Your Valentine I'll not be made., Cf. Valentine 11.49 and Valentine 12.1., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A smiling woman holding her baby as she looks him. The baby holds a mallet up in the air and has his finger in his mouth. The valentine mocks the ill-behaved baby and his parents' misplaced affection for him., Text: Papa's pride-- "de yittle beauty / "Mamma's comfort," cross it may be, / Like his Papa-- "ain't he pooty,"/ Crowing, screaming, blessed baby., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The china merchant wears a red coat with tails, a cravat, and trousers. He has an exaggerated, long nose and bucked teeth. He sits over a table with numerous pieces of china, including wine glasses, vases, mugs, and jugs., Text: With what an intellectual face, / This crockery dealer here we trace -- / Like his china, how he glistens, / When he finds a soul that listens. / Booby, take your wares and glass / Out of sight -- don't be an ass; / If a Valentine you wish, / View yourself in every dish., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a narrrow-skirted gown, cape, ermine muff, and bonnet. The sender suggests that he remembers the recipient negatively. A "fancy fair" was a fundraising event at which ornaments and articles of fancy were sold for charitable purposes., Text: I met her at a Fancy Fair -- / Would I had never ventured there! / Her image doth my mind possess, / But not with fancy fair, I guess!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier cocks his head. He has long mutton chops and carries a sword., Text: Wherefore with hat cocked on one side defiantly, / Smile so complacent, and swaggering stride, / Passing civilians with scornfulness giantly, / Haunt you the streets in your hairy-faced pride? / Doubtless you think there's a wonderful charm in / Your sword and your spurs and your jaunty chapeau, / But not to kill ladies our heroes are arming, / "Eyes right!" my dear fellow, and charge on the foe., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man wearing ice skates has multiple pairs of legs, which indicate that they are moving quickly. Four men observe him. "Monkey shines" means monkey-like antics., Text: Brisk as a flea, as lightning flashes, / Quickly you make the grasshopper dashes-- / Hic, presto, change! now here, now there; / We cannot find you anywhere-- / But know a fool is in the middle, / And thus I solve your icy riddle. / From those that cut up monkey shines, / We do not choose our Valentines., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a soldier spearing a cat with a bayonet. Another cat stands on the doorframe., Text: Oh! what a brave heroic man!! indeed it is pity / No other foe is near to charge, but a ferocious kitty! / Your patriotism you should curb, don't let your fury loose, / Perchance, before the battle's over, you'll meet a poor old goose. / You're very brave in times of peace, with bayonet and gun, / But should you see the foe in front, good gracious, how you'd run., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The barkeeper pours liquor from one glass into another as he stands at a bar. The sender rejects the recipient and suggests that he has no money, intellect, or heart., Text: You dashing, dressy Barkeeper, for a dandy you would pass, / As with your most exquisite grace you handle well you glass; / But your brains are like your liquors, the more they are display'd / The more they show the frothy stuff of which your drink are made. / I know you flourish very gay, and talk like men of spunk, / But when you're dress'd to death, I'd like to peep into your trunk, / For it is my opinion, sir, that, if I should you wed, / I'd find your trunk and pockets both as empty as your head!, Cf. Valentine 13.17., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wearing a dress with a bustle stands in front of a chest. Over it hangs a sign that says "Election Laws," and she holds a piece of paper over a pot, presumably to vote. A carriage is visible through the doorway. Bustles became popular after 1869., Text: Since, in this progressive age, / Woman's Suffrage is all the rage, / You strive in this to take the lead, / As if 'twere a case of vital need; / When you thus seek among the men to roam, / We're apt to think there's something wrong-- at home., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The boot and shoe maker sits at his work area and attaches the leather to the sole of the shoe. He smokes a pipe, and his posture and expression suggest sadness. A tankard is on the table next to him. A cloth (possibly a handkerchief) hangs next to the boots and shoes are on the wall behind him., Text: O! you are boot-iful, yet wax not wroth, / If I say you're the last man on the earth / That I would permit my all to control, / Or join in the wedlock of soul with sole., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Crossing a body of water, a woman sits astride a donkey, thus revealing her calves. She raises a switch to urge the donkey to move. A man with Asian features looks on. The sender offers help as a "Jack in the water" [i.e., an apprentice to a boatsman]., Text: The Great Mogul of Tartary, / I am sure would laugh and stare, / To look upon this picture, / And this very pretty pair. / Come wriggle on sweet waggle tail. / Your charms indeed with me prevail / At any time you want a porter, / Do not forget JACK IN THE WATER., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Union private holds a rifle with a bayonet., Text: As you pace your lone rounds in the wilds of "Secessia" / My dear little heart forever will bless you / And when the war's over if you so incline / You may take me and make me your own Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man ice skates surrounded by a cloud of a smoke from his pipe., Text: 'Twould be a rather serious joke, / And break the heart so fondly thine, / If all your vows should end in SMOKE, / 'Twere made on ice, my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man has a hog's face and a large waistline. He has a bottle in his pocket. The sender references the Swedenborgian belief that one's mind shapes one's appearance in hell to suggest that the recipient is a hog., Text: If Swedenborgians tell us true, / When dead, our mortal selves appear, / When bad, like beasts to other's view, / So you will look as pictur'd here., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The handwritten note has a border with cherubs, grotesques, regal figures, and flowers., [illegible], Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man leans on a crunch and a walking stick. He wears a hat that says "D.B. Exempt." D.B. stands for "dead beat," a slang term for men who faked injuries or illness to avoid duty., Text: How suddenly, dear sir, you stopped your talk of war and glory, / When you thought a draft was to take place. But it's the same old story; / A dog that's always barking, they say will never bite, / So with one who talks of fighting, he's the last one to go fight. / There's a very apt old saying, and 'twill well apply to you, / That a man can't be a patriot, and be a coward too., "528", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier rides a small horse and holds out his sword. He has white mutton chops and wrinkles. The text suggests that although he can conduct himself in business ("exact a charge"), he is a poor horseman., Text: I see your feet are mighty large, / Your nose is somewhat larger; / And though you can exact a charge / You cannot mind a charger. / Your happy Valentine I ne'er can be, / So from my presence you will please to flee., "512", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man tilts his head back and smokes a cigar. He holds a glass., Text: Smoker of the filthy weed, / Love of thine can never speed; / Dost thou love me? better far / Brandy punch and vile segar [i.e., cigar]., "78", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a woman with two faces. One has an overbite and closed mouth, and the other has an open mouth. The side with an open mouth makes a gesture with a fist. The text refers to the figure as a polecat [i.e., a skunk]., Text: Now, mother, Double Face, look here. / Upon your likeness, now, my dear, / Janus himself might claim the prise, / For venom, in those goggle eyes. / Base bred, base born, deceitful creature, / There's villainy in every feature: / Go, Polecat, go, thy sight I hate, / Thy visage sour and addled pate., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union solider holds a rifle with a bayonet. He has a porcine nose., Text: Mr. Rifleman, but I would be a flat, / If you think that with you I would wed: / Cheeks put out your eyes -- nose turn'd to the skies-- / Like a turnip, my dear, is your head. / One like you is enough for a bed, / So with you I'll never wed., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a coat and a large-skirted gown that make her triangle-shaped. The valentine mocks the hoop skirt trend for the cage-like appearance of crinolines and the dirt the large skirts attracted in the streets., Text: Waddling pyramid you go, / Flounce flouncing in the snow; / Pretty lady do not rage, / When I say you're in a cage, / By a lot of hoops secured -- / Of it, I am well assured. / Head, of course, is left outside, / Bonnet on your back doth ride; / Sweep away the side-walks clean, / Of street sweepers, you're the queen., Cf. Valentine 1.41 and Valentine 8.37., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a hog's head ice skates. He carries a walking stick and wears fashionable clothes, suggesting that he is a dandy. The word "cove" is slang for fellow, and the expression "hog on ice" suggests lack of grace and control. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: I love to lie in the shady grove, / In the arms of him whose heart I prize; / Or 'neath the skimm'ring moon to rove, / And gaze into his lustrous eyes. / O'er the frozen pool to glide I love, / With him whose love is past all price; / Get out, Pork-Chops! you're not the cove, / 'Tis not with you, you Hog on Ice!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man holds a woman's hand and kneels before her. His mouth is open, and he holds his hand to his heart. She turns away and smirks. The valentine suggests that he falls in love with any woman he meets., Text: Poor fellow, I pity you, sad is your case, / And, alas! you are weak in your knees; / Whenever you see the merino and lace, / How you wriggle as if you had fleas., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a female figure whose neck and torso are a cabbage. Cabbage refers to the material leftover from making a garment. The valentine suggests that dressmakers steal it to make their own clothing., Text: Of all our modern goddesses / None greater is than she; / Who o'er the robes and boddices / Rules arbitrarily., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A monkey pushes a cart loaded with bags marked "powder." The valentine suggests that the recipient has more in common with monkeys than humans., Text: You're to the soldiers quite a flunkey, / Beauteous little power monkey; / Should you get killed-- oh heaven forbid it-- / The world would want to know who did it; / For when you die, Gorilla's brother, / Where can we pick up such another?, "524", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The politician stands next to two men in blue jackets. He yells and holds his fist up, while one man writes and the other man looks to the side. "Butter" here means to trick or defraud., Text: Strange what fools men will make of themselves, / For the sake of political sway; / And stranger still, that a man who delves, / Will condescend to butter his way., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a gown with a red bodice and yellow skirt with furbelows. She holds up her hand and points her finger. The valentine criticizes the woman for her mean-spirited envy of others., Text: Who cannot look pleased at her neighbor's good, / But devours in secret the bitter food / That lean-faced detraction spreads on her board, / Will be marked out herself to be abhor'd!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man holds his hands to his heart. He wears a frock coat, bow-tie, and thin trousers. His hair is curled., Text: Quit your tricks, my young man, and quickly to wed, / Lead some charming young damsel to church; / No delight, you'll then take, our poor hearts to break / Then leave us alone in the lurch., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A stern woman wears boxing gloves. "Ruff" means passion or excitment as a well as a collar. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]. The valentine suggests that the recipient channel her passion for fighting into romantic passion., Text: Your glove, my enchantress, / I'd rather excuse, / The paw of a panth'ress / 'Twere safer to choose. / There's a fashion in collars, / As well as in Cuffs, / Round your neck, then, why don't you / Put "one of the Ruff's"?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a cradle marked " To let or for sale" and urges the recipient to have children., Text: Above, you will find a neat tenement, / Which empty, is now, for sale or to rent; / I send you a note, because if you will it, / I know you can soon find a tenant to fill it., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The pharmacist holds a pestle and stands next to a mortar with a skull and cross bones on it. Two bottles marked "pills," a canister with a triangle and female symbol on it, and several blank bottles are on the shelf behind him., Text: You man-killing poisoning creature, / Here is pictured each ugly feature / Of your impudent conceited face, / Which a monkey even would disgrace, / Your Jallap or Rhubarb won't suit me, / And as I don't like Senna Tea, / I, really, Sir, must quite decline, / To have you for my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The doctor holds a cane in one hand and an umbrella under his other arm. Dangling from his waist is a syringe and a bottle sticks out of his back pocket. He stands before two tombstones, and a skeleton holding a pill bottle dances next to him. Calling him "old Lotion" could refer to the cleansing before medical procedures or to drinking alcoholic beverages. The doctor's cane resembles an enormous pill bottle, and his umbrella resembles an enormous syringe., Text: I very much mistrust, old Lotion, / You're in league with traitor men; / The reason why I've got the notion, / Is -- you more Patriots kill than them., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man carries a walking stick and wears a monocle. In the text, "vane" means a constantly changing person., Text: To point how airs of folly blow, / The vain man is indeed a vane: / What vein of yours, pray, can you show / Better than ours, man made in vain?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman has a pig's head. A pig stands behind her. "Pig" is an animal epithet, and "pork" refers to an uncultured person., Text: My dear Miss Pork, though fair and lovely -- / All entrancing you may be, / I really blush while thus I own / That I am not fond of P-I-G., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A rum-casket has a human face that looks drunk. It reclines and holds a glass of rum. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Permit me this remark to make / To you, old Keg of rum -- / Spirits another flight may take / Than up to "Kingdom come.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man has a snake's tongue and body., Text: Your portrait see without the glass, / A perfect snake within the grass, / A scaly, crawling, slimy thing, / Your forked tongue is deceit's vile sting, / Smile in one's face, bites at one's back, / And leave your poison in your track. / Go and 'mong fellow serpents shine, / A venom-spitting Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
On public transportation, two fashionable young men (a "pair of bloods") crowd a woman so much that her crinoline billows up, revealing her legs. The men's high opinion of themselves (as "big bugs," or men of importance) is not shared by the woman. A third man is visible in outline; each man wears a different style of hat., Text: Aint you a pretty pair of bloods, as in the cars you ride, / To croud and squeze a lady so, with room upon each side, / You are two big bugs indeed, the ladies think you are two swine, / To squeze a lady in the cars, and smash a crinoline., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier's head is shaped like a bomb, and his mouth is a smoking fuse. He stands next to a cannon. The title references the fairytale Jack and the beanstalk. The valentine mocks the soldier for his unappealing bad temper., Text: Who'd marry a man with a head like a bomb, / And a mouth with a smoking fusee? / What woman with him her life would trust, / For his head might at any moment burst, / And then, where would she be?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The bride wears a dress with a red bodice and yellow skirt, a white veil, and a pair of earrings. She holds a sheet of paper that says "Marriage certificate." She smiles, and has crossed eyes. The pictures suggests that she has limited intelligence and mocks her pride in her marriage., Text: Now you are wedded! and happy too, / Then let the world deride, / The dirty scamp who would attempt, / To slander, such a bride., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a dress with a yellow skirt with furbelows and a small red bodice. Behind her a couple dances underneath a chandelier, and a man plays a cello on a balcony. The valentine mocks the recipient for being a wall-flower., Text: Why do you mingle in the whirl / Where the dancers close are clinging? / You're but a wall-flower, my girl, / While a belle should surely ring in!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a table eating. His mouth is red and large with visible teeth. A cat with visible rib bones sits by his feet., Text: Detested wretch, thou beast with hungry maw, / Mouth like a grave, and ass's under jaw, / If thou could'st have thy wish at thy command, / There'd be speedy famine in the land. / Look at you're [i.e. your] cat, who anxious waits for food, / Whilst through her skin her bones almost protrude; / Thy Valentine for worlds I would not be, / Lest, Glutton as thou art, you should eat me., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The house-maid blacks a boot in a kitchen, where the tea pot and kettle have faces. "To have one's swing" means "to allow oneself every freedom." The valentine possibly accuses the maid of having more energy for playing with sweethearts than for her work., Text: Dirty, ugly, vulgar, pert, / So begrimed with grease and dirt, / I vow that I should afraid of, / Seeing what that MAID is MADE of / Tho' call'd MAID OF ALL WORK! they / Say you're often MADE OF PLAY. / And when sweethearts you've your swing / The MAID is quite a different thing., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman walks in front a much smaller man, presumably her servant, who holds a bundle. "Upper Ten" is a term for the wealthy elite, or "Upper Ten Thousand." The sender mocks the recipient for not marrying., Text: Though dress'd in ribbons, silks, and laces, / And midst the Upper Ten your place is; / You surely should you silly elf, / Find some poor man to share your pelf., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman holds a broom in one hand and has her other hand in her pocket. She has dirt on her face and drools., Text: I've counted up all of earthly ills; / I threw a box of -- Somebody's -- pills; / But after I'd thought of every thing human, / I found the worst -- a slovenly woman., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a woman pulling a sheet over a bed. She smiles and wears a dress and apron. There is a bucket by her foot. The text quotes an old proverb to suggest a literal meaning for the figurative expression., Text: What pleases you so? you have caught a new beau, / I know by the glance of your eye! / I hope you'll not rue it, but you know it is true, / "As you make your bed so you must lie.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The machinist holds a hammer and pushes against a brace., Text: In the shop there's none so smart as you / At mending a boiler or making a screw. / Where is your means of supporting a wife, / And supplying her wants throughout her life? / Your wages are small, every one knows / The principal part to the port-house goes! / Faint hope to gain a woman's heart, / By one so well known as thou art., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a man looking through a key hole. The text threatens the recipient with violence if he continues spying on and meddling in his neighbors' matters., Text: Poking in your nose where ere you can, / You are a mischievous meddling stupid man; / Who minds his neighbours business not his own / May one day have a broken head to moan., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in ragged clothes frowns and points her finger., Text: If you keep on, you vile old wretch, you, / 'T'is certain that old nick will catch you; / But if he does, how much the winner / Will he be by so great a sinner., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a gown and a green shawl that resembles butterfly wings. She holds a fan and wears a bonnet. The valentine mocks women of fashion as artificial., Text: If you had a husband, giddy one, / He soon would in the gutter lie; / With you for a mate, he'd be undone; / You're but a painted Butterfly., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The deserter kneels, with a dog in front of him and another dog behind him urinating on him. He holds a tub over his head to protect himself from the poker and the iron which his wife holds., Text: You left the Camp of war and strife, / Expecting quiet with your wife, / But you're assailed, behind, before, / You had better leave for war once more., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
