The fop observes a woman walking past him and says "Dem Fine Gal." He holds a walking stick and a monocle., Text: Poor dandy headed empty ass, / Prying about with quizzing glass. / Lisping and drawing out each word, / In manner that is too absurd., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a man in profile smiling. His beak-like nose and jacket with tails make him resemble a bird., Text: You don't look so very unruly; / In fact, you're as tame as a goose: / You're all you're cracked up to be, truly, / And your wits are lying 'round loose., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits in a chair with his feet on a table. He smokes a cigar. The valentine criticizes the office holder's lack of action since he has been elected., Text: You'll bow and simper, rant and shout, / To cozzen fools when you are out; / But once you're in, don't care a jot, -- / All other outs may go to pot., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man hammers a cabinet. "Mizzle" means to depart suddenly., Text: Next to a beastly undertaker, / Oh! how I hate a cabinet maker; / His punch-like nose-- his shaving lips, / His little sixpenny brads and chips / If ere I married such a chizzle, / I'd surely mallet him, and mizzle., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The railway worker stands in front of the furnace holding a piece of firewood., Text: If it is true that when we die / We will our earthly trades still ply, / It sure must be, my little joker, / That you will be the Devil's poker., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a man with a heart-shaped torso. He wears a green cap, and he points to a sign on his chest that reads " 'Not a Red' Besides!" The text is a parody of Sheridan's "The Duenna." The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: No heart is mine "for falsehood framed," / But honest, large, and true, / And ready, (when the day is named,) / For transfer unto you. / The red, red blood that doth imbue / Its palpitating tides / Is all I have to offer you-- / I've "nary red" besides!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The painter stands on a ladder with a paint brush in hand to paint a wall. A bucket hangs from his ladder., Text: Nasty Painter, your paper cap so very thin / Reminds me of your brains within; / Paint thy own likeness, filthy elf, / And be thy Valentine thyself.
A man sits at a desk in front of a window. He is using a lamp and a loupe to see the object he is engraving. A moon with a face is visible in the window behind him., Text: Dost think to win some fair enslaver / With that grave face and tool that's GRAVER, / I'll teach your skill another trick / Instead of WOOD to cut your STICK, / A lover never shall be mine / Who might EN-GRAVE his Valentine., "No. 57", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A lamplighter mounts a ladder to light a street lamp. A hand tugs on his shirt, which is protruding from the seat of his pants."To get one's shirt out" means to get angry., Text: Like the Lamp you tend, ‘tis said, / You’re rather LIGHT about the HEAD, / One thing certain is that most / Don’t know which is the greatest Post, / Now don’t be angry that I flout, / For I see your SHIRT IS GETTING OUT., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A waiting maid carries a full platter. A speech bubble says "I declare I am quite the slave of the ring.", Tetx: Who meets you in your blundering way, / Will wish the “Deuce” was in your “Tray,’ / And as a waiting maid you be, / Why you are “made” to “wait” for me., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with long hair is seated and playing the violin., Text: A crochet from a quaver you scarcely know, / And yet eternally you are drawing your bow; / Next to a trombone a fiddle I despise, / Why you try either I cannot well surmise., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A peddler stands between a fence and a wooden stand. Over his ahoulder is a strap carrying mugs, which are also hanging from the fence and stand., Text: Awkward, clumsy, bawling brute, / How well you with your CALLING suit, / For as about the streets you shout, / Each servant girl on looking out / Exclaims "just hear that fellow, : / To bring the Pot unto his call; / Why what a cheek the fellow's got, / He's only fit to go to Pot., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
Copyright 1863 by Benjamin Hyde., Printed area, including ornamental border, measures 24.1 x 8.7 cm., Originally part of a McAllister scrapbook., Digitized by Alexander Street Press for Images of the American Civil War.
Date
[1863]
Location
Library Company of Philadelphia | Books & Other Texts | Rare sm # Am 1863 Supposed 5755.F.21b (McAllister)
The singer holds a sheet of music and his hand to his heart. Jullien refers to French conductor Louis Antoine Jullien. The sender mocks the recipient's poor singing., Text: No one would take you for a Jullien, Sir, / For such croaking never was heard, / Whenever I hear you it reminds me of---/ A carpenter sawing a board., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The stonecutter holds a mallet and chisel and stands in front of a large slab of stone which the text suggests is a sarcophagus. He sticks out his tongue and has sharp teeth., Text: What a sweet face is here display'd -- / To charm a young girl, a widow or maid, / Oh! St. Valentine, run away quick, / From this beauteous visage, that makes one sick. / Hammer away! my cutter of stones, / Be they for living or dead men's bones; / Ply the mallet and chisel-- look grim, / What will it matter for her or for him., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in an ornate gown walks her small black dog., Text: You are my darling; don't I know / Why you are ogling ev'ry beau; / But all in vain, for who would be / Led like a puppy tied to thee., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The "contemptible man" wears a blue coat, red waistcoat, yellow trousers, and a black top hat, all of which appear too large for him. His fingers and eyebrows are sharply pointed. He stands by a table where yellow items are for sale (butter?). The text mocks him for his penny-pinching nature., Text: You're really so mean in all you attempt, / That failing, you meet with nought but contempt; / I really believe 'tis your constant endeavor / To make yourself small and meet scorn forever., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The tinker holds tools and stands by a work bench. "Soft sawder" [i.e. solder ] is a slang term for manipulative flattery and originates from a cheap, easy, and less-durable form of joining metal., Text: RAGGEd wretch! of base-born metal-- / Filthy maker of the kettle, / You I can very plainly see / Can't come soft sawder over me. / Pipe-smoking, filthy, dirty sot, / Black as the kettle or the pot; / Most noisy slave, most tinkering brute, / My taste you surely ne'er will suit. / Go, go, you beast, and howl and whin[e]/ You ne'er will be my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a man with a duck bill [?] wearing a large hat. He rings a bell, perhaps like a town crier. The text suggests that he is trying to sell himself., Text: My fair lady I've just come out / With noisy sound of bell, / To try to find a purchaser / To whom myself to sell., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman has a bell for a head and a long bell-clapper for a tongue. The sender criticizes the recipient for talking excessively., Text: Ding, dong, all the day long, / Your tongue is not quiet a minute; / No wonder it is that it rings like a gong, / For we know that your head has nought in it., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The "daughter of the D---" holds a broom in one hand and a set of large tongs in the other. Her hair is wiry, and her face is pointed with lizard-like tongue and sharp teeth., Text: If all God e'er made was good, / Some things like you we find most evil; / And we must think, at least we should, / That you're the offspring of the D----., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts the bust of a man with rounded features and curly hair. He wears a green coat and necktie. His forehead is labeled "impudence", and he sucks air out of a yellow bag labeled "bag of wind.", Text: Some are pinched the wind to raise, / But you've enough to blow your praise, / While such a bag of wind you share, / You cannot die for want of air., Cf. 1.28., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman holds a tea pot over her head to throw it., Text: In Hymen's noose to hang myself, / My earnest only wish is, / But I'd ne'er wed one who when mad, / Would break my head and dishes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman holds a whip and stands over a fallen man. Her hair forms horns., Text: You ugly, cross and wrinkled shrew, / You advocate of woman's rights, / No man on earth would live you, / For fear of endless fights., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands in front of a store counter, holding his wallet and a dollar bill. A purse is on display, and coins are on the counter. A clerk with a box in his hand smiles at the man., Text: A fool and his money is soon parted you know; / And when once it is started, it's bound for to go; / Then beware my young man, take a hint in good time, / Or before very long you'll have nary a dime., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sits in a chair and holds a handkerchief., Text: Pray clear thy brow of clouds and care, / And banish Melancholy, / Or you will find when 'tis too late, / That all of it was folly., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands next to a cat with a visible ribcage. He holds an egg and a knife in one hand and a pouch in the other., Text: You nasty, stingy, saving cur, / You'd shave an egg to get its fur; / I'll surely have small taste to abide / A man who'd skin a flea to get its hide., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A washerwoman stands next to a bucket of "bleeding hearts" and pins hearts onto a clothes-line. Her dress billows up in the back. Behind her is a tub labeled "cold water" and a container labeled "soft soap." The valentine references the water cure movement. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Ho! all ye lovers pale and wan, / Who of your bleeding hearts complain, / For you my trade I carry on / And from soiled hearts remove each stain. / Come one, come all!-- hearts smoothed and pressed / And safely folded in the Chest., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A frowning man wears a red waistcoat and a green frock coat. The valentine mocks the recipient for being large and deficient., Text: Believe me when I say I've always thought / That you were simply nothing -- a big naught; / I'd like to know what 't'is you want a wife for, / For she would nothing gain except a cypher., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman stands next to her bed and holds up a blanket. Her low-cut gown reveals part of her breasts, and her crinoline tilts back to reveal her petticoats. The sender rejects the recipient, and the valentine connects lazy women with immodesty., Text: Crawling out at ten o'clock, / Hurry girl, put on your frock / You're a sleepy head I see, / So you'll never do for me., Cf. Valentine 3.39., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman points her nose up and holds a small parasol. The valentine mocks the recipient for being a social climber., Text: Just as a mushroom from a bed / Of marshy vileness rears its head, / Distilling poison to the touch, / So you appear, and worth as much., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman has a large, heart-shaped torso labelled "Poor man's plaster," "fly blister," and "mustard." She holds a bottle marked "Soothing syrup." The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a thimble cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: Ever crying, dying, sighing, / O'er affections trifled with, / Here's a nostrum worth your trying, / It is one containing pith. / Pour a pint of Bourbon whisky / O'rr your lacerated heart, / If it doesn't make you frisky / Certainly 't will make you Smart!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a dry goods clerk standing behind a counter. A much smaller woman faces him. A pair of gloves and bolt of fabric are on the counter. "Tin" is slang for money, and the sender mocks the recipient's financial status, suggesting that he would have to steal from the till to have enough money for a proper Valentine offering., Text: Just brains enough to measure tape, / And base enough to lie; / You're born to measure calico, / And leer in Woman's eye. / But when I want a Valentine, / I'll call and let you know, / That you may steal enough of "tin," / To make a proper show., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The crusty fellow of the valentine stands facing a flight of stairs. He holds an umbrella and wears a hat. He grimaces and has large, pointed features., Text: You're always full of dumps and vapors, / And playing off your crabbed capers; / I'd die a maiden old and fusty, / Ere I would wed a man so crusty., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows two fashionable women holding hands. They wear gowns and have upturned noses. The valentine condemns the women for their slander, gossip, and spleen [i.e., their ill temper]., Text: Envenomed, tattling, mischievous souls, / Whose breath with slander onward rolls, / Your tongues keep going like a bell, / But never knew the truth to tell. / The purer the mark, the bolder your attack, / And always deceitful behind one's back; / On all you vent your spleen and ire, / Your home should be "the place of fire.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows an image of a small child in a pink frock with a yellow collar crying with its hands clenched., Text: Pray dry your eyes my pretty child, / Be cheerful and then maybe, / Next time I pass this way I'll bring, / Some candy for the Baby., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a fireman running. He wears a large hat and blows a fire trumpet. The valentine mocks the recipient's inability to get a Valentine., Text: There you go --- now aint it fine/ To halloo after our ENGINE? / How can you, my boy, be steady, / When to run to fires--- so ready? / You think you cut a mighty shine, / And yet can't get --- a Valentine!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A simian nurse sits in a chair next to a baby in a craddle. A bottle marked "laudinum" [i.e. laudanum] is on the shelf above her, and she threads a needle. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Hush-a-by, baby! / Your slumbers be light, / With laudanum, maybe, / You're not on a "tight.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man plays a large fiddle. "Catgut" means a thick cord made from sheep intestines used for violin strings. The valentine criticizes the fiddler for disrespecting women., Text: I'm a single Musician, / I fiddle with glee, / And think all the fair sex / Mere fiddle-de-dee., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a man crouching down with his hand near his face. His shadow resembles a monkey. The text references the theory of evolution presented by Charles Darwin in his On the origin of species (1859)., Text: It is believed some men among, / That all us folks from monkey sprung, / But until first I saw your face, / I did not think such was the case, / Yet then I thought it might be true-- / That is, my friend, regarding you., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Magnus, Charles.
The nincompoop smiles, holds a ball, and plays a whistle. His eyes are crossed, his knees turn in, and his ears are elfin., Text: Now, really, my kind sir, d'ye think I'd stoop / To have a man who's such a nincompoop? / 'Twere better far if single I'd remain, / Than wed a man who had so little brain., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man kneels holding a shoe, and a woman's foot is on a stool, with skirt thrown back revealing her leg. The man says "How high would you like it Miss." The valentine criticizes the inappropriate physical contact between shoe dealers and their female customers., Text: Let me teach you, foolish gaby, / When you wait upon a Lady, / Not to foolish jokes intrude, / Such conduct to a Lady's rude., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman cries and sits with her elbows on a table. The final line of the text is a popular saying., Text: Why so pensive, dear? wipe those tears from thy eyes, / Throw care to the winds, and look gay, as you ought; / Remember this motto, that there is, my dear, / "As good fish in the sea, as ever was caught.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The disagreeable man frowns and has a creased face., Text: A proverb that I often hear, / Most truthfully to you applies; / Let's whisper it into your ear -- / 'Tis, "Vineagar never catches flies.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The merchant sits on a counter with knees twisted over his arms. A sign behind him reads "LINEN DIAPER." The sender mocks the recipient's misguided assumption that women find him attractive., Text: You pert Counter-jumper, with sick'ning grimace / You smile, smirk, and simper your meaningless face / You think yourself killing-- perhaps it is true, man, / For you'd be the death of a sensible woman. / Oh, yes! you're a Cupid, or think yourself so, / The counter your fortress, the yardstick your bow; / But I'd have you know, my impertinent spark, / You have shot all your arrows quite wide of the mark., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
An unwashed woman stands amongst animals, including a nursing dog and a cat who has killed a chicken. In the text, "slut" means "messy.", Text: One animal there is, always in disgrace, / Who cannot look you squarely in the face. / One class of women. too, ought to be cut, / And you are one of them I mean, a slut. / In this there's truth in every line, / And more than that, I'll find another. / Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in a gown smiles. The valentine mocks her brazeness and suggests that she unsuccessfully uses it to hide her lack of intelligence and feeling., Text: Your knowing wink and brazen stare, / Are just the signs that do declare, / (Howe'er you think conceal'd by art,) / An empty head and callous heart., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sits at a work bench with sheers and a bolt of blue fabric on it. Vests hang on a clothes line behind her., Text: Put away your sheep-face, wench, / You're only suited for the bench; / The ill-shap'd form resembles thee, / Such nondescripts don't do for me. / Such vests as you pretend to make. / What gent would wear, for Heaven's sake? / Go, go, you remnant, mend you ways, / And think no more of brighter days., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The rum seller stands at a bar and holds a decanter and a glass. He smiles, and a man smiles in the background. "Tin" is slang for "money.", Text: With a gay smiling face, or, with a sly wink. / Always ready to deal out something to drink; / Smashes, cocktails, and juleps, rum, brandy or gin; / It's no matter what, you want only the tin., Cf. Valentine 9.16, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a washboard with a bar of soap and suggests that the pianist foresakes hygiene to play. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: Do you think this is vulgar? / Ah! no, / Ah! no, / Do you think this is vulgar? / Ah! no. / 'T were harder, I hope, / To go without soap, / Than to dispense with the jingling piano, / Yano, / Than dispense with the jingling piano., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
