"Dr. Bleedems Office" appears on a sign behind the doctor, who stands holding a three-pronged knife in one hand and a saw in the other. The valentine mocks doctors who use unnecessary procedures to make money., Text: With probe, and saw, and lancet, / With plasters, purges and pukes, / You cut your way to favor / With duchesses and dukes; / But, you may saw into a fortune, / And probe into a mine, / Before I'd see in your ugly phiz / Anything worth this Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The woman bookworker holds a bone folder, a polished bone tool for creasing paper. A stack of papers lies near her hand, and a press is visible in the background. A cover sheet is on the table that reads " Elton's Alnanac [i.e., Almanac]." In the text, "calf" refers to a calf-skin binding., Text: No paper token, "lovely dear," / Could please you half so well, / As the signatures and folios / Of some young and brainless swell,-- / And if the wish'd for hour shall come, / I venture to opine, / You'll have a work full bound in calf, / For your dear Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A bride is depicted as a cat, and the groom as a rat. The bride holds an envelope marked "Mr. & Mrs." Both are dressed formally; he wears a top-hat, and she wears a gown with a hoop skirt and a bonnet. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: Pussy, when the rat she catches, / Smooths him down with velvet paw, / Then for change his hide she scratches / With her curved relentless claw. / So it is in wedlock's matches, / Beauty leads us like a straw, / Till she's got us "under hatches" -- / Then look out for Pussy's law!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A simian tailor rides on a goose and holds a pair of scissors. "Goose" refers to a tailor's iron, and "the ninth part of a man" is a derogatory term for tailors, referencing the saying that nine tailors equal one man., Text: I see them coming -- my prophetic muse / Beholds each tailor riding on a goose, / And when in order ranked I see the nine, / I'll thank my stars that I've one Valentine / Romantic Tailor, ninth part of man, / Be all my Valentine a tailor can; / Little than none, is better to endure, / And for a whole one I but want eight more., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with a long, shaded nose looks in the mirror on a bureau. She wears a dress with a bustle. The image in the mirror has less shading and exaggeration, suggesting that the woman's admiration of herself is deluded. Bustles became popular after 1869., Text: There was never a woman old fashion or ugly, / But what thought she possessed every beauty and grace, / And you're no exception, but as none else can see them, / You're compelled to admire yourself in the glass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A singing women stands amid floating bank notes., Text: The silvery notes that from your throat / Flow forth so beautiful and sweet, / Much better are than notes of Banks, / For they cannot be counterfeit., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a table. His eyes are closed, and he holds a woman's hand., Text: Though you claim to converse with spirits above -- / Supernatural, if not divine, / I think that the one you know most about, / Is the one they call "Spirits of Wine.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in a black suit stands next to a tomb stone marked "In Memory," and he looks away. A woman stands in the background., Text: You're old and ugly, and not sincere, / And your actions, sir, are very queer! / Those canting words will never do, / For none will have such a thing as you. / Dressed in black -- yet blacker heart, / You can't make me your 'better part;' / And although you cast a longing eye, / All your advances I defy., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman has devil-like horns, tail, and a blackened face. The sender criticizes the recipient for critcal speech., Text: Once women, I thought, were angels bright, / But that was when I was so very young; / Your actions have given me a clearer sight, / I find a she devil with blistering tongue., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a gown that reveals her long feet and ankles. She holds a fan., Text: What though in silks and lace you shine, / And though with care are painted! / I never wish'd to make you mine, / Since first we were acquainted!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman's very long tongue encircles her body. It reads: "You ought to hear all I've got to say! You'd open your eyes!" The valentine satirizes women who gossip., Text: Of all the evils flesh is heir to, / A long tongued woman is the worst to swear to; / What with scandal and story, and malice and wrong, / She keeps the lie moving all the year long. / Never so happy as when her words wound-- / Never so unhappy as when the truth is found: / May my fate ne'er be cursed by such a tongue as thine! / I'd rather have a blast furnace to be my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The thin schoolmaster sharpens his quill and looks away from the classroom of children. The valentine mocks him for targeting younger and smaller children because he is afraid of the older, larger ones., Text: Oh! Mighty Framer of the youthful mind! Great among the Small ones! / You spank the little ones behind, Afraid to touch the tall ones; / A sour Curmudgeon, like yourself, You'd better seek in time; / If you don't, you ugly Elf, You'll have have no Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The book-keeper stands in front of a large desk. He holds a large quill poised before the book. He resembles a horse, and he wears a patterned jacket, tie, and striped pants, which suggests that he is a dandy. The sender accuses the recipient of dishonesty., Text: How easily one can tell by your looks, / You are a blotter of ink, and a writer on books, / 'Tis very strange, though your wages are small, / You oft visit Burton's, to a trot, or a ball, / But money you'll have, no matter how ill, / If not by fair means you must rob the till., Cf. 2.4., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows the head and shoulders of a woman in a pink, green, and yellow gown., Text: My widow you're like an old shoe, / That in its short life has ill fared; / And like it now when left all alone, / To be useful you must be re-paired., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The dry-goods dealer stands behind a counter and shows a garment to two women., Text: MR. DRY GOODSMAN, your lying tongue doth ever run / Like the color of your goods when exposed to the sun: / You warrant all things "not to fade," which you show / Yet when they are washed they become white as snow. / Now don't you fear, that, while thus lying and cheating / Your partner, "Old Nick," will give you his greeting., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Irish woman holds a broom, smokes a pipe, and stands by a pig. She wears a pink and yellow dress. Cutty refers to a short clay pipe, and "broth of a boy" is an Irish colloquialism for a good young man., Text: Arrah, Bridget, Och! hone! bonny Ireland's joy. / Is it you wud be wanting 'A broth of a boy;' / Jist take my advice, stay at home, tend your pigs, / Lilt your songs, smoke yer cutty, and dance yer gay jigs., Variant of 5.22., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The grandmother wears a poke-bonnet and shawl. The valentine mocks older women who pursue younger men., Text: I'm a lonely Grandmother, / And want a young beau, / To nurse and caress me / As older I grow., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The rake wears fashionable clothes and carries a walking stick. He smirks and holds his hand to his mouth., Text: Your ruffled shirt bosom and gay flashy vest, / The tip of the mode in which you are dressed, / Your heaps of flash jewels, the strut that you take, / All prove you to be a most licentious rake., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A wrinkled woman wearing a bonnet sits in a chair. "Caudle" refers to a popular "Punch" magazine character serialized in 1845. The valentine suggests her husband's desire to be absent from his wife is warranted and that he will face violence when he returns., Text: Poor Mr. Caudle has gone to his club -- / A club waits for Caudle at home: / How can he such a dear creature snub? / How wish from her arms e'er to roam?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Punch (London, England).
A man in sleeping clothes stands in front of his baby in a chair. His wife sleeps in the bed behind him., You poor molly-coddling spooney fool, / This is a picture true to life, / Showing you in your shirt, so cool / With your baby, while calmly sleeps your wife. / But you are just served right in that, / The only one we pity, is the blessed baby: / And if I was your wife, -- I tell you, flat, -- / You would get something worse, you stupid gaby., Cf. Valentine 8.31., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young man looks at a poster of an elephant. Behind him is a sign that reads "NOTICE GENTLEMEN FROM THE COUNTRY TAKEN IN," suggesting that the recipient is from the country and will be exploited in the city., Text: My tender sprout of cabbage head, / I would your young heart deceive; / So seek some more congenial bed / To flourish in, -- and now leave., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young, fashionably dressed woman stands in front of a sign that reads "Lisping grammar" and "Geography of dancing." Her hair is curled, and she curtsies, revealing her crossed feet, crinoline, and petticoat hem. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches." The valentine associates the girl with France and mocks her impractical education., Text: In the language of France, / And its dress, and its dance, / I presume you are quite proficient; / But I doubt that, my dear, / You the oven could clear / When the time came for putting a dish in 't., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sews a cap. She has an enlarged nose and a moustache and sits at a table with men's caps on it. The caps' blue color may indicate that they are for Union soldiers., Text: Dainty damsel, time ne'er lingers, / On those very active fingers, / Other females, you make charming! / Make yourself, then, less alarming! / As it is, -- I don't incline, / To pick you for a Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A store keeper stands behind the counter. He has a red nose and pencil tucked behind his ear. Behind the counter are a large number of labeled goods, showing the variety of odds and ends in his stock. The valentine suggests that his customers would be less inclined to be attracted to him than to buy some of the junk he sells., Text: In your shop folks can find every goods, and more too-- / Grass, grogs and grocery; fruits, old and new; / Wood-ware and all wares, temperance gin, / Brooms, bristles and bed-clothes, to draw in the tin; / All things you can sell by the large or the small, / And you are the very worst sell of them all., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An older woman sits reading to three small children. The text suggests that she vents her frustrations at being unmarried on the children., Text: Deserted old damsel, so prim and demure, / You have lost all your hopes for a husband at last; / When you refused, and you now must endure, / Your old maidish thoughts and regrets for the past. / Sour tempered old dame whose only delight, / Is to tease the poor children who are put in your care; / On them vent your spleen if they are not quite right, / And to vex and annoy them as much as you dare., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A maid polishes a pair of boots. The valentine plays on the words work and play to suggest that the maid is promiscuous., Text: Dirty, ugly, vulgar, pert, / So begrimed with grease and dirt, / I vow that I should be afraid of, / Seeing what that maid is made of, / Tho’ call’d maid of all work! They / Say you’re often made of play, / And when with sweethearts you’ve your swing / The maid is quite a different thing!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman's figure has two heads. One is smiling and says "My love to you, dear ," while the other has a forked tongue and says "Bad luck to the wretch." The text translates roughly to: "Cheers, Sir. Oh, how polite, to indulge us with the privilege of your presence, if I see the man I'd like to stick a pincer in his guts." The valentine suggests the recipient's words mask malicious intentions., Translation: "Cheers, Sir. Oh, how polite, to indulge us with the privilege of your presence, if I see the man I'd like to stick a pincer in his guts.", Text: Wohl bekomm’s mein Herr / Ach, wie artig, uns die Ehre / Ihres Besuches zu gönnen, / Wenn ich den Menschen sehe / Möcht icht eine glückende Zange / In seine Eingeweiden umkehren., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a beard smokes a long pipe. The text mocks the man for his accent and incomplete command of English, and for his dirty, crowded living situation., Text: Smoking your pipe, your likeness is here, / Mine Sour Krout friend, mid der larger bier, / In vone small room, yourself and vrow. / With nine children sleep -- besides a cow-- / And with all these dare’s drouble in de house, / Yaw -- dat is nice -- Nix cum rouse., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A maid wearing an apron is holding a bed-warmer. The word "empty" is written over her head. The valentine suggests that her lack of brains means she is condemned to a life a menial tasks., Text: The reason why you don’t get on in life-- / Is the Sending of the Valentine to you a hollow mockery?, Cf. Valentine 14.42., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands in front of a fence smoking a cigar. He wears a fez and a pocket watch. The valentine suggests he is overly impressed with his physical appearance., Text: Why, here’s your portrait ready done, / Now don’t suppose I’m making fun. / ‘Tis like as like you must admit; / I’m sure you’ll highly value it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A donkey wears a coat. The sender considers the recipient's attention to dress to be ridiculous., Text: Look Dandy, pray look, / Look at your Brother; / Why should not one Ass, / Look at another., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a large heart-shaped head holds a portrait of a woman. His torso is also in the shape of a heart. The valentine suggests he drowns his sorrows in alcohol., Text: Dismal, doleful, in thy tears-- / You have not smiled for twenty years, / Except when gin bars were in sight, / And then you smiled both day and night! / Your face reminds one of a lizard-- / Your heart—you only have a gizzard-- / And as for ears, mankind can see / A donkey’s ears were put on thee! / To show you up, we’ll get some hay, / And let the neighbors hear you bray!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man leans back in his chair and puts his feet up on the table. A bag of money sits on the table behind him and his head is covered with slips of paper. On says "Bond" and another "Pacific RR". The valentine suggests not only that he married his wife for her money, but also that the money has not given him class., Text: You married money, then—at least that fact is stated. / Alas! Your suffering wife, her taste was vitiated. / Oh! The poor maids should wed whoever fate doth show them. / They seldom marry equals, and often those below them. / You needn’t put on airs, and show your shapeless feet, / For if you found your level, you’d be sweeping in the street. / We can always tell a man, no matter how he feels, / And if he is a donkey he always shows his heels., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with glasses and a bun is sewing bonnets. The valentine suggests she is unattractive to suitors and will be an old maid, so she should focus on her millinery., Text: Miss bonnet-builder, such a guy I never saw before, / Your bonny hair is a knob behind, your nose a knob before, / That your head’s a bonnet-block that of it maybe said, / Who would ever have a Valentine that is a blockhead, / So drop the thoughts of Valentines and attends to bonnet shapes, / For you are built for an old maid, in future to lead apes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A sailor stands with one hand in his pocket and the other holds a bottle. A ship is visible in the distance behind him. The sender criticizes the recipient for excessive drinking and laziness., Text: Now my jolly Sailor, / You are an idle, tippling dog, / O really will not wed you, / You are rather fond of Grog., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wears a large crinoline, a cape, gloves and a hat with a snood. "Bean" can mean money., Text: Of Dandizetts you’re sure the Queen, The loveliest creature ever seen, / Your head so small and shape so fine, / Must make each bean your valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman steps out of a door and reveals her petticoats under her crinoline. A sign behind her reads "To the Bank" and a man is standing next to the steps. The valentine suggests that the sight of her legs is embarassing to the people around her., Text: Oh! Daughter of fair mother Eve, / Your brothers all you sorely greive, / And give us each exceeding pain / To witness thus the curse of Cain. / ‘Tis surely not a modest sight / To have the legs thus brought to light., Provenance: Hlefand, William H..
A coachman wearing a hat and coat with epaulets stands by a carriage and holds a stick. "Monkey's share" can refer to the term monkey's money, meaning payment in kind., Text: Oh, dear me, you think yourself grand, / Standing et my lord’s door with stick in hand, / My lot with you I would not fix, / For the sight of you makes me feel sick, / Bowing here, scraping there / Sometimes you get the Monkey’s share., Cf. Valentine 15.42, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachman wearing a hat and coat with epaulets stands by a carriage and holds a stick. "Monkey's share" can refer to the term monkey's money, meaning payment in kind., Text: Oh, dear me, you think yourself grand, / Standing at my lord’s door with stick in hand, / My lot with you I would not fix, / For the sight of you makes me feel sick, / Bowing here, scraping there / Sometimes you get the Monkey’s share., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with a hairy face and gap-toothed smile looks at her reflection in a mirror. The sender's parise is ironic., Text: Oh! Thou art my joy and my pride, / So delicate soft is thy skin: / Those blushes, my fair, never hide, / For fain I’d my Valentine win., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A cook wearing a bonnet holds a pot on a stove. She has a long pointed nose. The Valentine suggests she is too ugly to find love., Text: Goddess of the fries and stews, / To court the male sex ‘tis no use; / Your nose I’m sure is only fit / To make a kitchen roasting spit; / Then cut your foolish ways, pray do, / I’ll ne’er have a Valentine like you., Signed: Pickering., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A group of men are walking in the street. They wear coats and tophats and have elaborately styled facial hair. Several of the men link arms and one lifts his top hat on a cane. A moon in the sky is smiling., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing gloves, a top-hat, spats and a monocle is riding a horse. The bucking horse has caused him to drop his riding crop and his monocle has fallen out of his eye., Text: A holy show you are, indeed, / When mounted on your bony steed; / To see you ride in your queer style / Would almost make a dead man smile. / If you know how gawky you look, and green, / You would never again on a nag be seen., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wears a large crinoline. Two small boys in the background mock her by saying "Hoop de doo den doo" and "Who's your Cooper?" One also places a basket on her skirt., Text: A hundred years ago they say, / Hoops were the fashion of the day, / They now completely stop the way. / Hoop de doo den doo. / As they sail along as fine, /In the day’s most busy time, / The passers by will CRY-NO-LINE! / Hoop de doo den doo. / I’m sure it must be van-i-ty, / That makes you so extrav-a-gant-ly / Dress that all the boys will cry, / Hoop de doo den doo. / “Who’s your Cooper” now they ask, / You roll along just like a Cask, / And getting by you is a task, / (with your) Hoop de doo-den doo., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A sailor sits cross-legged and holds scissors. A large cabbage is visible under his seat. "Cabbage" refers to the cloth leftover after making a garment. "Goose" is a name for an iron, whose name comes from its goose-neck handle. "Nine mean agianst one" references the saying that nine tailors equal one man., Text: Hurra! For the Races, I’m off on my steed. / I’ll lift all the Sweepstakes when put to my speed. / Nine men against One, who would hope to eclipse / A Tailor who’s armed with tapes, yard stick & snips. / I’m sharp as my needle, and not to be done / Of my Cabbage which follows where ever I run. / Tho’ the thimble-rig fellows, may try to humbug, / I’ll shoulder my lap-board, and sit on my rug. / In defiance of all whether light laced or loose / Who objects to a Tailor for riding his Goose., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing a coat decorated with braid carries a small animal. The valentine warns that his fancy attire will not attract a mate., Text: I as soon would wed a monkey, / As a saucy swaggering flunkey, / Who fancies that a gaudy coat, / Would make the ladies on him doat; / And thinks fine feathers fine birds make, / Though there he makes a great mistake, / For let his coat be e’er so fine, / No flunkey shall by my Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a crocdile head holds a handkerchief to his teary eye. Two women are looking at him, one has her hands on her hips. The sender accuses the recipient of being insincere and deceitful., Text: I love a man that is sincere in all he’ll say and do, / But not a sniveling Crocodile, deceitful wretch like you / Who for any paltry end can always whine and cry, / You ugly, paltry, sniveling brute, deceit is in your eye. / You may whine and do your best at which we only laugh, / But let us tell you love’s too old to be thus caught by chaff., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in a bulky coat stands with her hands in her pockets. The sender suggests the sketch presents a a true and less flattering likeness, which ought to correct the recipient's conceited attitude., Text: I send you my dearest a sketch of your Phiz, / Just look in the glass and you’ll find it, / ‘Tis so true you’ll admit ‘tis not meant for a Quiz, / It may cure your conceit, so pray mind it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing a flowered bonnet holds a fold of her dress in her hand. Her shoes, undergarments and crinoline are visible below her dress., Text: If my passion I ever declare, / Your heart I should like to possess; / But alas! You’ve so little to spare, / All being devoted to dress., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
