An older woman sits at a table, eating a large piece of meat. A monkey is sitting on the back of her chair., Text: Dear mam you’re ugly cross and old, / An errant vixen and a scold, / So that betwixt us I’m afraid: / You’re doomed to live and die a maid, / For since your age is sixty-nine, / You cannot be my Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An elaborately dressed man stands by a tree. Two women in bonnets and shawls are facing away from him., Text: Dear sir, having considered your suit, / When to know the result you’re inclined, / You will learn from my dear brothers boot / The final resolve of my mind., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man sits at a desk in front of a window. He is using a lamp and a loupe to see the object he is engraving. A moon with a face is visible in the window behind him., Text: Dost think to win some fair enslaver / With that grave face and tool that's GRAVER, / I'll teach your skill another trick / Instead of WOOD to cut your STICK, / A lover never shall be mine / Who might EN-GRAVE his Valentine., "No. 57", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman's figure has two heads. One is smiling and says "My love to you, dear ," while the other has a forked tongue and says "Bad luck to the wretch." The text translates roughly to: "Cheers, Sir. Oh, how polite, to indulge us with the privilege of your presence, if I see the man I'd like to stick a pincer in his guts." The valentine suggests the recipient's words mask malicious intentions., Translation: "Cheers, Sir. Oh, how polite, to indulge us with the privilege of your presence, if I see the man I'd like to stick a pincer in his guts.", Text: Wohl bekomm’s mein Herr / Ach, wie artig, uns die Ehre / Ihres Besuches zu gönnen, / Wenn ich den Menschen sehe / Möcht icht eine glückende Zange / In seine Eingeweiden umkehren., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A maid wearing an apron is holding a bed-warmer. The word "empty" is written over her head. The valentine suggests that her lack of brains means she is condemned to a life a menial tasks., Text: The reason why you don’t get on in life-- / Is the Sending of the Valentine to you a hollow mockery?, Cf. Valentine 14.42., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A farmer stands in a field holding a scythe. The sender considers farmwork dirty., Text: You pigheaded, grinning, ugly brute, / Go look after the pigs and the sheep; / For they are the only companions you’ll suit -- / No girl would your company keep. / You smell too much of horse and swine, / For any maiden to be thine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with glasses and a bun is sewing bonnets. The valentine suggests she is unattractive to suitors and will be an old maid, so she should focus on her millinery., Text: Miss bonnet-builder, such a guy I never saw before, / Your bonny hair is a knob behind, your nose a knob before, / That your head’s a bonnet-block that of it maybe said, / Who would ever have a Valentine that is a blockhead, / So drop the thoughts of Valentines and attends to bonnet shapes, / For you are built for an old maid, in future to lead apes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A cook wearing a bonnet holds a pot on a stove. She has a long pointed nose. The Valentine suggests she is too ugly to find love., Text: Goddess of the fries and stews, / To court the male sex ‘tis no use; / Your nose I’m sure is only fit / To make a kitchen roasting spit; / Then cut your foolish ways, pray do, / I’ll ne’er have a Valentine like you., Signed: Pickering., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman sits at a table with cards. A cat sits on the stool beside her. "Huffle" can mean long-winded talking. The cat's words suggest that the woman is wasting her time by trying to read her future in the cards., Text: “Hearts! At once, I plainly see, / It is hearts-ease meant for me; / Shall I gain my wish at last, / Ere my summer sun is past?” / Thus the dark one then replied, / Hovering by the lady’s side; / “Deal, my good lady, as you will, / You shuffle! And will huffle still.”, "182", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman smiles at a boy playing with a hoop and stick. The valentine chides her for flirting inappropriately at and advanced age., Text: I do not wish your feelings, ma’ma to hurt, / But for one old and ugly still to flirt, / And leer and giggle on each man you meet, / To say the least is not at all discreet., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a crocdile head holds a handkerchief to his teary eye. Two women are looking at him, one has her hands on her hips. The sender accuses the recipient of being insincere and deceitful., Text: I love a man that is sincere in all he’ll say and do, / But not a sniveling Crocodile, deceitful wretch like you / Who for any paltry end can always whine and cry, / You ugly, paltry, sniveling brute, deceit is in your eye. / You may whine and do your best at which we only laugh, / But let us tell you love’s too old to be thus caught by chaff., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A Bricklayer wearing a smock and paper hat stands beside a wall and holds a trowel., Text: I vow to me it would be torture / To wed with one besmear’d with mortar; / In blessed singleness I’ll pine, / Rather than be your Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An older woman stands with her hands over her heart. The bottom of her dress is shaped like an upside down heart and has the words "To Let" on it. Next to her is a sign that says "A heart wanted." A Hoosier is a resident of the state of Indiana., Text: You’re forty, if you are a day, / And yet no husband comes your way. / It is too bad that such a face / Should live alone in such a place. /Take in your sign, and get thee West,-- / There aged maidens thrive the best. / For Hoosiers, when they seek a pal, / Are all content if she’s a gal., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachman in an elaborate uniform sits on the box of a carriage and holds a whip. "Spooney" means foolish or sentimental., Text: Old Coachee, mounted on your box, / You look as stupid as an ox; / The coach of Wedlock, do not strive, / With me old boy you ne’er shall drive / So all your views at once resign, / You spooney looking Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands in a door in his shop wearing an apron. In one hand he holds a bird a knife in the other. Several dead birds are hanging up, while several live birds are in a cage, and a chest is filled with eggs., Text: The Poulterer surely is the man; / To please the fair if any can, / He tries as far as he is able, / To suit their taste and grace their table. / But tho’ good-will formed all he’s gained, / There’s One whose smile could he obtain, / He’d ever anxious be to prove, / His wish to please as well as Love., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a sheep's head kneels and clasps his hands together. He has a basket full of flowers over one arm. "Pap" is a food for small children., Text: Pray don’t kneel to me with flowers sweet and rare, / With basket on your arm, Sheep-face that you are- / How can you think a maiden like myself, / Could have one thought of thee, simple love-sick elf! / Go home unto your mammy, sit upon her lap, / She will feed her baby on soda-bisuit pap., Cf. Comic Valentine, 9.41, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands behind a counter with a fowl in his hand and smiles. The valentine suggests that although he can be ingratiating, he is not trustworthy., Text: Stands the Poulterer pert and sly, / Madam, pray step in and buy; / Ah! Buy indeed, to buy and rue, / Would be to buy a goose like you; / Never, by cock and hen, I swear, / Shall you be mine, unpolished bear., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
portly man is sleeping in a chair. A woman observes him from a window and says "I wish the lazy beast would wake.", Text: Tho’ you are PORTER, clumsy calf, / You shall not make me half and half / And fond of sleeping as you be, / No SLEEPING PARTNER find in me; / Short-winded, bloated, lazy elf / With care for no one but yourself; / Ne’er think to mate in wedlock sweet, / For you could not make BOTH ENDS MEET., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A young woman in a gown holds a bouquet of flowers., Text: Thou languishing young lady bird, / Thou angel quite untainted, / With ruby lips and well formed hips, / Pray tell me – are you painted! / You’re uglier than the Gorgon, / That hightoned folks to stone, / I little thought my darling, / Such a beauty you’d have grown., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two tailor's dummies have bustles, wigs and other accessories attached to them. The valentine suggests that these accessories will not help the recipient find love., Text: ‘Tis all in vain your simpering looks, / You never can incline, / With all your bustles, stays, and curls, / To find a Valentine., Text: Lloyd, 17, Bellebury Square, Fleet street, 415, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a frock coat plays the violin., Text: ‘Tis by your Music, you’re anxious to try / With dulcet like notes, my poor heart to decoy / But Sir you’ve quite fail’d that object to gain / Your chords are all discord, I listen with pain, / As for your looks too, be candid I must / When I see you I turn from the sight with disgust., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A bartender wears an apron and rolled-up shirtsleeves. He pours a beer from a tap and appears to be dancing. The sender rejects him because she does not consider him cultivated enough for her., Text: Oh! Mr. Barman, / you never will be, / The cultivated kind of man / to marry me., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A worker wearing a hat and apron hold a piece fo cloth on a stick above a dyeing vat. The sender rejects the recipient because of his lowly occupation., Text: Your person reminds me of some ugly Cub / Therefore I advise you to stick to your tub/ If by Dying you live pray sir don’t die for me, / For my heart’s not engaged yet nor likely to be., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with glasses and a bun is sewing bonnets. The valentine suggests she is unattractive to suitors and will be an old maid, so she should focus on her millinery., Text: Miss bonnet-builder, such a guy I never saw before, / Your bonny hair is a knob behind, your nose a knob before, / That your head’s a bonnet-block that of it maybe said, / Who would ever have a Valentine that is a blockhead, / So drop the thoughts of Valentines and attends to bonnet shapes, / For you are built for an old maid, in future to lead apes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wearing a cloak and bonnet holds at lamppost for support. Her mouth is open and she appears drunk. A sign on the wall behind her says "Gin." The Valentine faults her for her drunkenness., Text: Hic, -- hic, --hic, --drink is your soul's delight, / And your only Valentine, / Go, you drunken wretch, steep your brain in Alcohol, / You never shall be mine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A coachmen wearing a top hat opens the door of a carriage., Text: When I’m stuck behind the Carriage, / With my cockade on my hat, / The servant maids, I hear them / Say, a nice young man is that., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with a long nose holds a bonnet. Other millinery articles sit on a table behind her and a piar of scissors hangs from her waist., Text: Ugliest of the fair creation, / With lips that are not red but blue; / And face devoid of animation, / Take me for your lover true., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wears a large hoop skirt, a cape, and a feathered hat, and carries a parasol and small bag. The sender suggests that such attention to appearances will not make up for the recipient's personal defects., Text: With a fine hat and painted face, / Leading a life of gay disgrace, / Don’t think that wearing such a hat, / Will aid you to catch a flat, / Your false hair is nicely braided, / Your infamy well paraded., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman is looking in a mirror. The reflection shows a cat's face. "What a reflexion!" appears in a speech balloon above her head., Text: With sweet talking, smiling, singing, / A Bean to catch yourself prepare; / Yet no such fool was ever living, / Who cannot see that you ensnare., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A portly woman smiles vacantly and holds a bottle of liquor. The valentine suggests that her consumption of alcohol has permanently rendered her unattractive., Text: O! Whisky is your souls delight / Your only Valentine. / Go steep your brains in alcohol. / You never shall be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in his night clothes carries a musket and a candle. He holds the candle up to shed light on a man who is hiding in the fireplace. In the background, his wife looks out from behind the door. The text suggests that if the lover continues his behavior, another husband will shoot him., Text: You are an ill conditioned sneak, / U[pon] every amourous freak, / For you have spent your wretched life / In seeking some one else's wife; / Behold what perhap may be your fate, / Carrying on at this sad rate; / Some angry husband may discover, / And blow out your brains my general lover., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The carriage driver has a large nose, a beard and curly hair. He holds a horse whip and a woman watches him from a window in the background. "Shoful" is slang for questionable., Text: Although you drive a Hansom, a handsome driver you are not, / For your looks are very "shoful," and your's is a shabby lot; / So drive away dear Cabby, and don't cast sheep's eyes at me, For I like a smarter chap than you -- your "fair" I'll never be, Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A bent-backed carpenter is using a plane. His pants are mended with a patch and his nose is red and dripping. A saw, chisel, hammer and other tools are on the floor of his shop., Text: Come, stand erect and plain away, my beau of sawdust, chips and shavings, / St. Valentine’s, that happy day, is hastening round to ease your ravings; / Then don’t be downcast, see above, a sketch I’ve made of your sweet features / Then come and wed, with love for love, we’ll prove to all, we’re Cupid’s Creatures., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with a grotesquely large nose holds a baby and is accompanied by a small boy. The text suggests that since her large nose and head repel any possible suitors, she must content herself with caring for these children., Text: You looking for a Valentine, whoever would suppose, / You'd ever get a Valentine with such a head and nose, / You'd best stick to the nursery, and the children dandle, / Such a head and nose serves well for a handle; / You've got two kids already, therefore contented be, / I assure you for a Valentine you never will kid me., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a monocle and a whip stands in front of a wall. He has antlers protruding from his head., Text: You queer looking fellow, you ill looking brute, / You never will me for a valentine suit, / And if for a husband I ever should take thee / This is the figure I'd certainly make ye., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a coat and top hat and bear are separated by bars. The man's head is turned away from the bear and the bear is looking at the man. The text characterizes the man as having dangerous animal qualities, and the placement of the two figures poses the question of who is really the beast in a cage., Text: A Bear, what is it but a surly brute? / A pest to women, above dispute, / A surly brute are you, none can deny, / Also a nuisance to society, / Therefore, old Growler, I do decline / To Bruin be a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a coat and top hat and bear are separated by bars. The man's head is turned away from the bear and the bear is looking at the man. The text characterizes the man as having dangerous animal qualities, and the placement of the two figures poses the question of who is really the beast in a cage., Text: A Bear, what is it but a surly brute? / A pestto women, above dispute, / A surly brute are you, none can deny, / Also a nuisance to society, / Therefore, old Growler, I do decline / To Bruin be a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
