The ugly hatter stands at a table ironing top hats. "Gossamer" refers to the shellacked muslin pieces that shaped silk hats. "Swipes" is slang for copious drinking, and "logwood" is a type of dye. "Judy" is slang for a ridiculous woman, and the sender suggests that the recipient could only marry such a woman., Text: Ah! now I well know what it was that I smelt, / It was the bottle-nosed, rabbit-mouthed dealer in felt. / Mother Judy might marry such a fellow, but I-- / Detest such a dabbler in logwood and dye, / Though your head is so big-- 'tis of gossamer rig-- / All bloated and puffed, like a measly pig, / Beastly swiller of swipes-- what a picture is thine-- / Bad luck to the girl who is your Valentine., See similar print, A Hatter, Comic Valentines, 4.40, Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A jockey stands at a bar drinking from a beer tankard with a dog standing attentively at his side. In the background, a bartender stands behind the bar across from a woman who grins and holds a glass., Text: Alas, poor man, thy suit of plush, / Has fairly turned thy brain I ween, / But if thou art a man, Oh! blush, / To be a thing so very mean, / Oh! Jockey of the spotless clothes, / Oh! Jockey of the gundy plush, / Oh! Jockey with the turn up nose, / I pity thee and for thee blush., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A baker in a paper hat is putting a pie into an oven. His shoe has split open and his red nose, combined with the word "sodden," imply that he is drunk while on the job., Text: What! Buy of you! Your senseless grin / Would sour all your pies, / And not a loaf, poor, sodden oaf, / But would smatter of your lies. / Heavy as lead, your lightest bread, / Cakes, buns, and buscuits, all; / Smash your paper cap on your grinning head, / And into your oven crawl!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An unkempt woman leans against a post and drinks from a bottle of liquor., Text: Begone, you dirty drunken jade, / And feed along with swine, / For none but a pig would have you / To be his Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A portly woman smiles vacantly and holds a bottle of liquor. The valentine suggests that her consumption of alcohol has permanently rendered her unattractive., Text: O! Whisky is your souls delight / Your only Valentine. / Go steep your brains in alcohol. / You never shall be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A driver who has falled from his cart sits on the ground. His hat has fallen off, he has dropped his whip, and his clothes are torn at the knees and elbows. His horse is running away with the cart int he distance and the boxes of cargo have fallen off. The text indicates that he is careless because he drinks too much., Text: You stupid old donkey, just from the bogs, / You’re only fit to drive, a drove of western hogs, / You always are loaded, and so much more of late, / That your tongue seems a brick and you cannot see straight, / Your horses get scared – for their blinders don’t blind them, / When they see such a sot, on the truck-load behind them., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A store keeper stands behind the counter. He has a red nose and pencil tucked behind his ear. Behind the counter are a large number of labeled goods, showing the variety of odds and ends in his stock. The valentine suggests that his customers would be less inclined to be attracted to him than to buy some of the junk he sells., Text: In your shop folks can find every goods, and more too-- / Grass, grogs and grocery; fruits, old and new; / Wood-ware and all wares, temperance gin, / Brooms, bristles and bed-clothes, to draw in the tin; / All things you can sell by the large or the small, / And you are the very worst sell of them all., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The valentine shows a fireman straddling a firehose. He smokes a cigar. The sender mocks the recipient's womanizing, drinking, and fixation on fire fighting, and urges him to settle down. "Mose" is the name of the fireman in Benjamin Baker's play New York as it is., Text: Mose loves nothing so well as a fire, / Except it be women and wine; / If I love Mose it is with a desire / To make Mose open his eyes and eye her / Who loves nothing so well as a VALENTINE., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Baker, Benjamin A., 1818-1890. New york as it is.
A Union military drummer carries a rucksack and a large snare drum on his side. The valentine criticizes the soldier's bad behavior before the war., Text: Folks do say, my little drummer, / That once you were a perfect bummer; / Made your living gathering junk, / And spent your money getting drunk. / If this be so, young friend of mine, / You'll never make a Valentine., "509", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits in a chair. He wears fashionable clothing, smokes a pipe, and holds a drink., Text: You're a nice man to think of a wife, / With a phiz that we laugh at round town; / We girls know how you're spending your life, / With your drink and tobacco done brown., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man's head is attached to a barrel of gin. He is smoking an oversized cigar. The valentine criticizes the recipient's overconsumption of alcohol and tobacco and their poor effects on his health., Text: You pasty-faced unwholesome lout, / You’re always soaked with rotten gin, / And smell so rank of vile cigars, / To strangle you would be no sin. / You’ve drank and smoked until you’ve grown / A dried-up mummy lank and thin, / A sample of the dire effects / Of bad tobacco mixt with gin., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman holds a wine glass and a bottle of wine and frowns. A picture of a man hangs behind her. The valentine critiques women who drink as being dishonorable and possibly unchaste., Text: Good advice to somebody; indeed, I think, / The advice is plain to understand: / Flee at once from a woman who loves to drink, / Her honor is like a rope of sand., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A harness maker is seated in his workshop. "Harness repared' is written on the wall behind him and a crate marked "Beer" is filled with bottles., Text: You wretched old chap! You’re not worth a rap / You can’t sew a strap, so that it won’t snap: / You steal every scrap you can, but, mayhap / The Devil will clap you ‘fore long in his trap, / Old Chap!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The ugly hatter stands at a table ironing top hats. "Gossamer" refers to the shellacked muslin pieces that shaped silk hats. "Swipes" is slang for copious drinking, and "logwood" is a type of dye. "Judy" is slang for a ridiculous woman, and the sender suggests that the recipient could only marry such a woman., Text: Ah, now I well know what it was that I smelt-- / 'Twas the bottle-nosed, rabbit-mouth'd dealer in felt. / Mother Judy might marry such fellows, but I / Detest such a dabbler in logwood and dye. / Thought your head is so big, 'tis of gossamer rig-- / All bloated and puff'd, like a measly pig. / Beastly swiller of swipes, what a picture is thine! / Bad luck to the girl who is your Valentine!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wearing a cloak and bonnet holds at lamppost for support. Her mouth is open and she appears drunk. A sign on the wall behind her says "Gin." The Valentine faults her for her drunkenness., Text: Hic, -- hic, --hic, --drink is your soul's delight, / And your only Valentine, / Go, you drunken wretch, steep your brain in Alcohol, / You never shall be mine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The doctor holds a cane in one hand and an umbrella under his other arm. Dangling from his waist is a syringe and a bottle sticks out of his back pocket. He stands before two tombstones, and a skeleton holding a pill bottle dances next to him. Calling him "old Lotion" could refer to the cleansing before medical procedures or to drinking alcoholic beverages. The doctor's cane resembles an enormous pill bottle, and his umbrella resembles an enormous syringe., Text: I very much mistrust, old Lotion, / You're in league with traitor men; / The reason why I've got the notion, / Is -- you more Patriots kill than them., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man smokes a cigar and holds a glass. He wears curled, elfin shoes. The word "refreshments" appears on the wall behind him., Text: I'm thinking e'er the day is o'er, / You will slip up on ale and wine; / Alas! if you should break your head, / You'd break my heart, dear Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Irishman has copious facial hair, smokes a pipe, and wears knee-breeches. He stands in front of another man and a ship. The "Know Nothings" were an anti-Catholic and anti-immigrant group, and the valentine mocks the Irishman for knowing so little that he would join a group that opposes him., Text: It's Paddy from Cork I am; sure you'll be knowin' me; / And I'm jist over, good manners to tache: / Faith, I'm a know-nothing, and soon I'll be showin' ye / How to git into office, and stick like a lache., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a man in a sailor's uniform holding a glass in one hand and a "greenback," or a paper dollar bill, in the other. The sender rejects the recipient because of his promiscuity and drinking, which it connects with his love of money, specifically paper currency., Text: Loves nothing as well as a good greenback / Except it be his grog: / And the first he'll waste on the sauciest back, / On the second get drunk as a hog / Alack, Jolly Jack! / Why can't you leave off both women and wine? / Then I'd give you a kiss full of true love's bliss, / And ever call you my own Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A bricklayer with a hod on his shoulder is mounting a ladder. The valentine warns the recipient that his concumption of alcohol is interfering with his job. It plays on the word "drop" as a synonym for liquour, then to refer to the possibility that he might fall from his ladder under the influence of alchohol and finally that his drunken ways may get him into trouble with the law and then be hanged., Text: Leering, drunken, dissipated, / Oft I see you elevated, / Not alone upon the ladder, / But in a way that is much sadder, / Your fondness for a “DROP” is such / That you may get a DROP too much / By falling from the ladder top, / Or at the gallows “take a drop.” / A fate that doubtless will be thine, / So, go, be hanged! my Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The literary man sits at a table. His nose is dark (from drinking?) and he cradles his head with a hand holding a quill. In one corner of the table is a spike with papers through it (i.e., bills?) and on the other corner is a book titled Webster (i.e., Webster's Dictionary?). His trashcan is full, and the valentine suggests that it is difficult for him to write and what he does write is of low quality., Text: With slipshod feet, and coat with elbows out, / You daily sit, and with your scribbling quill, / Indite strange tales and trashy stuff, with which / Poor idle maids their simple minds may fill., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The machinist holds a hammer and pushes against a brace., Text: In the shop there's none so smart as you / At mending a boiler or making a screw. / Where is your means of supporting a wife, / And supplying her wants throughout her life? / Your wages are small, every one knows / The principal part to the port-house goes! / Faint hope to gain a woman's heart, / By one so well known as thou art., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a large heart-shaped head holds a portrait of a woman. His torso is also in the shape of a heart. The valentine suggests he drowns his sorrows in alcohol., Text: Dismal, doleful, in thy tears-- / You have not smiled for twenty years, / Except when gin bars were in sight, / And then you smiled both day and night! / Your face reminds one of a lizard-- / Your heart—you only have a gizzard-- / And as for ears, mankind can see / A donkey’s ears were put on thee! / To show you up, we’ll get some hay, / And let the neighbors hear you bray!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The mason holds a trowel and a bottle marked "brick." The text refers to his putting a brick in his hat on Saturday night (slang for getting drunk). The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Among the brick the mason revels. / With his trowel and line, his levels and bevels, / He bricks up this, and he bricks up that, / And, on Saturday night, puts a brick in his hat., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows the head and neck of a woman. "Pizen" is dialect for poison and, by extension, cheap liquor., Text: Sooner than marry you my dear / I'd drink "Pizen" by the bowlful / Because I'd always have the blues / If I'd a wife so Doleful., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A drunken Union soldier holds onto a pole and stands in front of a restaurant., Text: My friend, your picture here you see, / A patriotic warlike Soldier, yes, sir'ee! / You love your country, and are its sworn defender, / But love your cocktails, and glory in a bender. / With an army as you to fight, to slaughter, / Jeff. Davis need not fear on land or water., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A sailor stands with one hand in his pocket and the other holds a bottle. A ship is visible in the distance behind him. The sender criticizes the recipient for excessive drinking and laziness., Text: Now my jolly Sailor, / You are an idle, tippling dog, / O really will not wed you, / You are rather fond of Grog., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man holds a drink and stands in front of a bar with gin on the shelves. The bartender leans on the bar. The valentine mocks the recipient's aspirations for office and excessive drinking., Text: Blowing 'round the rumholes -- gas, gas, gas-- / Drinking poison whisky -- Oh, what an ass! / Thinking you can wheedle the mass, mass, mass: / Very good-looking, sir, but you can't pass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young man wears boots, a red fireman's shirt, and a stove pipe hat, clothing typical of the Bowery B'hoys, or young men from the Five Points neighborhood in New York City. "De machine" refers to the b'hoys involvement in the city politics. "Mussy" means drunk, and "Gone into the lemons" may mean passed out after drinking alcoholic punch., Text: You know that you're one of the bo'hoys, / And bound to run with de machine; / You take up half of the walk, / And think every one must be green: / You always keep blowing 'bout something, / When you're mussy, you make such a noise, / There's no peace in the crib till you're gone, / Into the lemons--- with some of the bo'hoys., Cf. Valentine 8.9., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young man smokes a cigar as he leans against a water pump platform. His attire and posture mark him as one of the Bowery B'hoys from the Five Points area of New York City. "De machine" refers to the b'hoys involvement with city politics. "Mussy" means drunk, and "Gone into the lemons" may mean passed out after drinking alcoholic punch., Text: You know that you're one of the bo'hoys, / And bound to run with de machine; / You take up half of the walk, / And think every one must be green: / You always keep blowing 'bout something, / When you're mussy, you make such a noise, / There's no peace in the crib till you're gone / Into the lemons-- with some of the bo'-hoys., Cf. Valentine 8.10., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A drunken man leans against a post. He holds a bottle of gin and steps on a piece of paper that reads "Maine Liq[our] Law," an 1851 law which prohibited the sale of liquor in Maine.The valentine mocks opposers of Temperance by showing them as excessive drinkers., Text: You uphold the rum-traders madly, / While you cannot hold up yourself; / You swallow their poison, and gladly / You aid them in robbing your pelf., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier stands at a bar drinking a tankard of beer. A sign behind him reads, "Wanted Recruits for the Army." The valentine mocks the recruiting officer for using alcohol to recruit unfit men., Text: Gentility, neatness and courage / In a warrior I hold to be dear / But uniform don't make the soldier / Nor a coward get courage from Beer., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier carries a rifle and a large rucksack with a canteen, bayonet, and case attached., Text: Behold the conquering hero come, / From rations of hard-tack to rations of rum; / While battles raged you stayed in camp-- / A youthful soldier, but "veteran" scamp., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A rum-casket has a human face that looks drunk. It reclines and holds a glass of rum. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Permit me this remark to make / To you, old Keg of rum -- / Spirits another flight may take / Than up to "Kingdom come.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a table and drinks rum through a straw. A bartender stands at a bar in the background. "Sucker" refers to both an excessive drinker and an easily cheated person., Text: A sucker, when you were young, / A sucker, when older you've grown; / And thus, in good sooth, is plain for to see / No matter, how old, a sucker you'll be., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man tilts his head back and smokes a cigar. He holds a glass., Text: Smoker of the filthy weed, / Love of thine can never speed; / Dost thou love me? better far / Brandy punch and vile segar [i.e., cigar]., "78", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a table. His eyes are closed, and he holds a woman's hand., Text: Though you claim to converse with spirits above -- / Supernatural, if not divine, / I think that the one you know most about, / Is the one they call "Spirits of Wine.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two men stand in front of a staircase. Above it are signs that read "Saloon/ Wines" and "Clam Soup." One man has his hand on the other's back., Text: Where're you are met, in tavern or street, / You're waiting to see if some one will treat; / You'll ask friends to drink, and then walk away, / And leave them behind for the liquor to pay., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a large, pox-marked head holds a bottle of alcohol. He has a scarf tied around his jaw and head. "Pumpkin" is a derogatory term for an important person., Text: How could I even think, to wed / A man who's always drunken; / Who really has so large a head, / It looks like a ripe pumpkin,., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man is holding a large barrel. His half closed eyes, unsteady posture, and broad grin suggest he may be drunk. A woman stands behind the counter, which has a pawnbroker's symbol on it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A Union soldier wears baggy, short red pants, a cap with a red crest, and box-like shoes. The valentine mocks the Chasseur's drinking, flirting, and cowardice., Text: Farewell, my bold Chasseur-- / In every lass sir, / A flame, I've no doubt you inspire; / But when in the line / Of the skirmishers fine, / At the show of a flame you'll expire-- / Then take off each trunk. / And make you a bunk, / To lay your head in / When with glory you're drunk., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union officer stands at a bar and holds a large tankard of beer. The valentine criticizes military recruiters who get men drunk so that they will enlist., Text: You're not a fascinating creature, / Either in manners, form or feature, / Neither your own mug, quaint and queer, / Nor that o'erflowing mug of beer, / Would tempt me, sir, were I a gent, / To join your rowdy regiment. / Don't try with drink to catch recruits, / Our army needs good men, not brutes-- / Men who love order and the laws, / Whose hearts are in their country's cause, / Whose nerves are strong, whose heads are clear, / Whose courage is not born of beer., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The snob, or shoemaker, sews the leather upper to the sole of the shoe. The valentine mocks his appearance, drinking, and courtship of unobtainable women., Text: Now, Mr. Snobby, when next you're at work, / At hammering a sole on your lap, / For the sake of the woman who'd ever have you, / Just commit suicide with your strap. / Oh! wax'd ends and leather! tho' what do I see, / Getting toddy'd wherever you can; / Both stupid and lazy, and shabbily dress'd, / I believe that he thinks he's a man., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier wears a Zouave uniform and holds two pistols out. He has a pistol tucked into his belt, and his sword scabbard hangs away from his body. A smoking cannonball lies between his feet and a bullet is near his head., Text: Hero! how my fond heart doats / On your trowser petticoats; / On your leggins, tight and trim; / On your cap without a brim; / On your lip of hair prolific, -- / Arab-Yankee-- you're terrific! / There's a wild light in your eye--/ Is it valor? Is it rye? / O! beware of whisky-skin, / Brains go out as that goes in. / Sober keep, and by the Nine! / You shall be my Valentine., Cf. Valentine 13.45., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man drinks from a wine glass., Text: You vow and protest that you never will love, / Than myself, any other young lass; / But already you love something better than me / You love stronger your every day glass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier rests on crutches, has his left arm in a sling, and is missing his right hand and left leg. His rucksack is on the crutches. Chickahominy is a Virginia river near where the Battle of Gaines' Mill took place. The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a thimble cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: Come up to the bar, old boy-- / Come up to the bar and drink: / Did you leave your leg and arms / On Chickahominy's brink? / There's lots of your sort around-- / Young heroes in a war grown old-- / And out on the niggardly hound / Who'd leave them "out in the cold.", Variant of Valentine 12.29 and Valentine 12.30., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier rests on crutches, has his left arm in a sling, and is missing his right hand and left leg. His rucksack is on the crutches. Chickahominy is a Virginia river near where the Battle of Gaines' Mill took place. The valentine has an embossed border., Text: Come up to the bar, old boy-- / Come up to the bar and drink: / Did you leave your leg and arms / On Chickahominy's brink? / There's lots of your sort around-- / Young heroes in a war grown old-- / And out on the niggardly hound / Who'd leave them "out in the cold.", Variant of Valentine 12.30 and Valentine 12.31., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier rests on crutches, has his left arm in a sling, and is missing his right hand and left leg. His rucksack is on the crutches. Chickahominy is a Virginia river near where the Battle of Gaines' Mill took place. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: Come up to the bar, old boy-- / Come up to the bar and drink: / Did you leave your leg and arms / On Chickahominy's brink? / There's lots of your sort around-- / Young heroes in a war grown old-- / And out on the niggardly hound / Who'd leave them "out in the cold.", Variant of Valentine 12.29 and Valentine 12.31., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with pink skin stands in front of a sign that reads "New York 122 Miles." His shadow looks like a pig., Text: When first you came before my eyes, / I really felt a great surprise, / In fact a puzzle 'twas to me / What animal you e'en could be; / Until at least I found it out-- / A drunken Pig with nasty snout., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
