A soldier rides a small horse and holds out his sword. He has white mutton chops and wrinkles. The text suggests that although he can conduct himself in business ("exact a charge"), he is a poor horseman., Text: I see your feet are mighty large, / Your nose is somewhat larger; / And though you can exact a charge / You cannot mind a charger. / Your happy Valentine I ne'er can be, / So from my presence you will please to flee., "512", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The deserter kneels, with a dog in front of him and another dog behind him urinating on him. He holds a tub over his head to protect himself from the poker and the iron which his wife holds., Text: You left the Camp of war and strife, / Expecting quiet with your wife, / But you're assailed, behind, before, / You had better leave for war once more., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A skeleton wears a Union uniform and holds a saw and a bag of surgical tools. A Union soldier bends over behind him., Text: Ho! ho! old saw bones, here you come, / Yes, when the rebels whack us, / You are always ready with your traps, / To mangle, saw, and hack us., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Lieutenant wears a blue Union lieutenant's uniform. His hair is white, and his face is dark with either dirt or facial hair. His mouth is open, his eyes are closed, and he spills gin as he marches. Gin has particularly negative connotations in the nineteenth century as the drink of the poor and unvirtuous., Text: Although you're a Lieutenant bold, / With sprouts upon thy chin; / At home you spent your store of gold / To drink a store of gin. / And, as your eyes with drunken lustre shine, / I ne'er can be your Valentine., "513", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two Zouave Union soldiers run among rifles, pistols, cannons, and cannonballs, one of which is marked rum., Text: Zu-Zu, you made a splendid run, / From Bull-Run fight, to Washington. / By Bully Runners e'er so fleet; / Your feats of legs such wonders/ raised, / That every one has stood amazed. / So, Coward Recreant, Renegade, / Your Valentine I'll not be made., Cf. Valentine 11.49 and Valentine 11.50., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier sleeps with his arm around a barrel of lager and a gun resting on him. "Picket guard" means guard duty. His uniform is red and yellow, but his belt is marked "US" suggesting that he is a Union soldier., Text: Who said my lover fell asleep, / Or boozy was with liquor. / He only shut his darling eyes / To hear the Old Rebs the quicker., Cf. Valentine 11.31., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Union officer stands with his feet crossed and his hand on his hip. He holds one of his mutton chops, which are long and curled., Text: Oh, gallient officer, / With air so complacent, / With whiskers a la mutton chop, / And general [air] so dacent [missing word]-- / I'm sure I could not wed with thee, / For I'd never do my duty; / What could I do the live-long day, / But gaze upon thy beauty?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds a pig, a chicken, and two geese., Text: It's a fact undisputed, you're a soldier boy bold, / And there's no doubt of your kindness of feeling, / We give you our thanks on a cold winter's night, / While we feast on your pickings and stealing., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier rides a horse with his feet are out of the stirrups, his scabbard empty, and his mouth open and frowning., Text: Go it, skedaddler, what a queer sight, / To see a brave (?) soldier run off from a fight; / Whenever you hear there's a sign of a battle, / Your kneepans and toes together do rattle. / The best friends you have they are now getting soured, / On seeing you are such an absolute coward., "518", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Slouching, the raw recruit, wearing a Union uniform, carries a gun and a rucksack., Text: Among the verdant I've e'er seen / I think you are most jolly green / And if in Dixie horesmen [i.e., horsemen] meet you / I think by gum, some horse would eat you., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two soldiers in Union uniforms are shown. One holds a rifle with bayonet and prods the other one over a fence. "Skulker" is slang for a soldier who feigns injury to avoid duty., Text: Boaster of your deeds of glory / When the shot fell far and near, / The only scar to prove your story / Is from a bayonet in the rear., Cf. 2.21., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier in a red jacket and plumed hat wipes his sword with a cloth. At his feet is a dead goose, and behind him a woman rushes forward holding a poker., With envelope., Text: Oh! valiant son of Mars! dress'd out in uniform, / There's not a hen-roost in the land but you might take by storm; / With drums a beating all the way, methinks I see you wonder, / And now you are the laurels crown'd, for killing an old gander!
The soldier sleeps next to a table on which his sword, a bottle, and cup are visible. His white hair and facial features suggest that he is elderly. He wears blue pants, a blue cap, and a short red jacket, which corresponds with low military rank., Text: Always sleeping at your post, / No wonder battles now are lost; / The folks do wonder how it is, / That with us all things go amiss. / You sleep and snore, cough, blink, and hic! / You're enough to make a damsel sick., "521", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier perched on a picket fence appears to be in pain. He has dropped a piglet. Behind him is a chicken. In addition to a type of fence, "picket" also means dangerous military guard duty. The reference to the hen-house in the text suggests that the soldier has previously been promiscuous., Text: Through many a hen-house you have roved, / And many a pig-stye searched, / At last you've got your just deserts, / Upon a Pick-et perched., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier with a moustache holds a sword and fires a pistol. Cannonballs have severed his forearm and shin from his body. "Fire-eater" refers to Southern advocates of seccession., Text: Bullet and bayonet! grapeshot and shell! / Nothing of that sort to you comes amiss, / By the moustache that becomes you so well, / You are quite worthy an Amazon's kiss. / Say, do you eat all you slaughter, mon brave? / Ogre-ish, methinks, / is your countenance dread; / Doubtless your sword is a "Secesher" would halve, / After a bullet had gone through his head! / When from the war with a wreath on your brow, / Back to the North you come-- then, if you'll shave, / I will be yours as in heart I am now, / And in the interval long may you wave!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Three men in uniform carry guns. The first and last men are the same height, and the middle man is much taller and thinner. "Hard tack" was a hard bread used by sailors and soldiers. "Jeff" refers to Jefferson Davis., Text: No doubt you fare rough on salt beef and hard tack, / But that is much better than a ball in the back; / So march to the conflict o'er valley and hill, / And if you meet Jeff, just give him a pill., Variant of Valentine 1.24., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man wears a bonnet and crinoline over his clothing while he does laundry. The valentine satirizes men who did not fight in the Civil War and characterizes them as cowardly and effeminate., Text: You enlist! not to fight at your dear country's call. / You keep from the field where the brave fight & fall; / A sneak and a coward, and no force or persuasion, / Could make you leave home, but the fact of invasion., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The artillery soldier sits on a large bird with a cannon for its head. He holds his swab in his hand and wears a Union uniform. The sender criticizes the recipient for having killed many people and compares his interest in the cannon to his interest in his pipe., Text: Mister Artillery, how quickly you fly, / How many poor mortals this day have to die; / With your swab in your fist, and your cannon well rammed, / And your pipe with tobacco profusedly crammed. / Just fly from my presence, and that very quickly, / The sight of your face makes a person feel sickly., "526", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The military bummer, clad in a red coat and yellow pants, has the head of a bulldog. Three Union soldiers stand behind him on one side; two hold rifles with bayonets, and one is drumming. On the other side, an officer stands in front of a tent. A United States flag flies from a flag pole, on which is mounted a sign which reads "Drummed out of Camp for being a Bummer." A "bummer" is a person who avoids duties., Text: He who fights and runs away, / May live to fight another day; / But you did run with all your might, / You did not stay to see the fight., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier sits on top of a toy horse. He wears spurs and a sword, and he has a gray beard and hair. "Dead beat" is slang for soldiers who feigned injury to shirk their duties. The phrase "tainted sore with treason" refers to the soldier's pox-marked face, which suggests sexual promiscuity and venereal disease., Text: A pretty Valentine you look, upon that horse of thine, / But know, my sweet-faced Brigadier, you never can be mine; / Better men than you can ever be, are waiting for your seat, / So throw up your commission, you regular "dead beat." / You never can be popular, for this one simple reason, / The best friends you have got, suspect you're tainted sore with treason., "507", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier carries a rifle and a large rucksack with a canteen, bayonet, and case attached., Text: Behold the conquering hero come, / From rations of hard-tack to rations of rum; / While battles raged you stayed in camp-- / A youthful soldier, but "veteran" scamp., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds a musket with a bayonet. His nose is larger than the bayonet, but both have the same shape., Text: When our lines to break, / The enemy tries, / Do let me for once / Your brave spirit advise: / When things look promiscuous, / And are coming to a blows, / Then--away with your musket, / And charge with your nose., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Zouave Union soldier holds a pistol and a sword. Cannon balls fly in the background, suggesting that he is in danger, and foolisth rather than brave., Text: Through leaden rain and iron hail / My Zou-Zou never turns his tail / And though he's often fit and bled / He's sure he's right and goes ahead., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A white man kneels before a racistly depicted African- American man. The African-American man stands on a pedestal and has wings. "Contraband" here means "slave," and the sender rejects the recipient because of his sympathy for slaves. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You love the contrabands too much / To have love left for me, / And therefore you my Valentine / Can never hope to be., "18", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A thin Union soldier in a ragged uniform stands entreating a stout Union soldier in a well-kept uniform., Text: You fat old cuss, give us our grub, / You have our cash to feed us, / You're paid to keep us in good trim, / And not to sponge and bleed us., Variant of 13.20., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man on ice skates has long mutton chops and holds a walking stick, suggesting that he is a dandy. The valentine encourages enlistment in the Union army and mocks the recipient's unmanly interest in dress and ice skating., Text: Faint-hearted youth! you talk of skating, / And call the sport quite animating; / You say there's nothing half so bracing; / There's naught the manly form so gracing, / As through the icy maze to twine. / But hark! your country's voice is calling, / Treason all her hopes is thralling; / 'Tis manlier games men now delight in, / For God and Liberty they're fighting; / From these I'll seek my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds a bouquet of red roses and a sword. In addition to his uniform, he wears a monocle and cap, suggesting that he is a dandy. The sender mocks the recipient's inflated sense of his attractiveness., Text: Swaggering like some great high-grandee, / How d'ye do, my Soldier Dandy; / The girls, you think, no doubt get sweet / On you as you strut through the street. / But they're more apt to think you scamp, / When you're found roaming from your camp., "515", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man wearing a Union uniform cowers in front of a bayonet. The text mocks the recipient's cowardice., Text: I believe you would let a man spit in your face, / Or submit to all insults, put up with disgrace; / Your name has become a byword and jeer, / As a poor silly coward, the pattern of fear., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows three men in uniform carrying guns.The first and last men are the same height, but the middle figure is twice their heights and much thinner., Text: Gaunt and slim and bony baby, / You will be promoted -- maybe; / Than your comrades two foot higher, / For what more can you aspire?, Variant of Valentine 5.9., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A drunken Union soldier holds onto a pole and stands in front of a restaurant., Text: My friend, your picture here you see, / A patriotic warlike Soldier, yes, sir'ee! / You love your country, and are its sworn defender, / But love your cocktails, and glory in a bender. / With an army as you to fight, to slaughter, / Jeff. Davis need not fear on land or water., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The cavalryman sits on a much smaller horse and holds his sword out in front of him. The valentine mocks his gluttony., Text: With sword just like a carving knife / As I'm a living sinner / You look just like a hungry man / A charging on good dinner., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union Zouave soldier holds his rifle on his shoulder. Chicken heads peak out from his pants, suggesting that "hens" means "women" in the text., Text: My Zouave is a pretty bird, / He wears a bushy tail; / He never missed secessia's hens, / When one upon their trail. / But now he's gone to / A long way from the snore [i.e., shore], / Where he can never hook the hens, / He gaily hooked before., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The colonel wears a green jacket and red pants, and his uniform is neither Union nor Confederate. He wears a disproportionally long sword in a scabbard and stands in front of a writing desk. He has long sideburns and a thick moustache., Text: When perched on your charger on dress parade / You look as brave soldier as ever was made / If you look but as brave when bullets fly / You Country will love you and so will I., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier rides a horse without a bridal and clings to its neck. His feet are out of the stirrups, his cap is off, and his sword is in the air., Text:"Bring forth the steed! the steed was brought," / And on his back to mount you thought; / But don't you think for a Dragoon, / That you commenced almost too soon? / Before you bade the ground good bye, / Why did you not a hobby try?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine features a man in uniform with a cannon for his head. A wheel rests behind his back, and he holds a lit cord in this hand. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: Are you primed and loaded / My bold gunner? / If you only "knowed it" / You're a stunner. / Blow a cloud of smoke / From your muzzle-- / Why it don't you choke / Is a puzzle., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man wears battle armor made of household objects. He wears a pot as a helmet, brush bristles for epaulets, a lid for a breast plate, and red cannisters over his arms. He carries a broom and a poker from a fire place. Over his pants, he wears crinoline. The valentine satirizes draft dodgers as ridiculous and effeminate., Text: You boast of valor, pluck and grit, / And strong love of the Union -- / You're just the boy to dodge the draft, / And fir for a sneak's communion. / All decent girls view you with scorn, / And treat you with contempt; / When noble men are called for, / You're just fit to be exempt!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union Zouave soldier holds a rifle with a bayonet., Text: You're a gay Zoovey Zoo, with that big beard of thine, / But I think from the army you'd better resign; / A few think you're brave, but a great many say / You're sheet-ironed behind, and you will run away. / If such be the case, it's a very bad sign, / And you never will make a tip-top Valentine., "506", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A cavalry soldier rides a horse with his feet out of the stirrups. He carries a large sword. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You think yourself both bold and brave, of course, / Whene'er you safely gallop down your line; / Yourself as jaded as your wretched horse, / Who'd have a scarecrow for a Valentine?, "11.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A thin Union soldier in a ragged uniform stands entreating a stout Union soldier in a well-kept uniform. The valentine accuses the recipient, a quartermaster, of theft and misappropriation., Text: You fat old cuss, give us our grub, / You have our cash to feed us, / You're paid to keep us in good trim, / And not to sponge and bleed us., Variant of Valentine 8.47., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A sailor rows past a large ship with many male and female civilians on deck. "Tar" is slang for a sailor., Text: Row away, Red, White, and Blue, / Put the vile seceshers through; / Then row back quick, my gallant tar, / To her who waits thee from afar., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds a gun and sword. Hemp rope was used for hanging, and the sender rejects the recipient by suggesting that he hang himself., Text: You're a gay old Colonel, that's beyond a doubt, / See front your forehead how your eyes bulge out; / With sword and pistol tight within your hand, / You think, no doubt, you look supremely grand; / Around your neck go place thick hempen twine, / And never hope to be my Valentine., "503", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds his sword out of its scabbard, and a cannonball smokes near his feet. "Bobadil" means braggart and refers to Captain Bobadil in Jonson's "Everyman in his humor.", Text: All hail thou most terrific-looking fellow, / If hair and bravery now were always twins, / Or those fought hardest who the loudest bellow, / Thou wert the pluckiest of paladins. / But 'tis not so; vainglorious boast and bluster / Are oft assumed to hide a trembling heart, / The quiet men, where serried squadrons muster, / Enact, mid tired and blood, the manliest part., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Jonson, Ben, 1572-1637. Everyman in his humour.
A Union soldier plays a trumpet., Text: When from that horn sweet music flows, / With full melodious swell; / Then, Trumpeter, upon thy form, / My eyes with rapture dwell. / Thy cheeks so round, thy form so fat, / Thy grand majestic mien; / So fill my heart with rapture, that-- / I'm happy as a queen., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds his hand up and raises his pinky finger. In the background, two women watch him., Text: You are a gallant soldier, / With a splendid figure for parade; / The country is safe in your keeping, / So long as you fight in the shade. / I fancy mysefl your beloved! / Wouldn't you have a jolly good time? / I'd make you stand guard over a cradle, / And do double duty to Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier runs admidst cannon balls. His cap has come off his head., Text: In every army, great and small, / There is a set of patent blowers, / Who of the work make out to shirk all, / And of their valiant deeds are crowers. / But let a battle once commence, / Away they travel for some tree or fence; / You find their brains too soon are addled, / And you've but to see that they've skedaddled., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The "shoddy" military contractor is handed a $50 bill and stands in front of a barrell marked "STINKING PORK FOR U.S. ARMY from SHODDY." He says "I CAN'T SEE THAT THE PORK STINKS A BIT," and there a sign behind him that reads "SHODDY INSPECTOR OFFICE.", Text: You can't see it? No wonder you can't, / With a fifty dollar green back in your eye; / The soldier may starve-- the sailor may want, / What cares Shoddy if even they die? / He's a curse to his kind -- his country's worst bane, / Deserving the noose on the hangman's line; / But, alas, you don't get it, and to publish your shame, / Is left alone for this poor Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier runs. His jacket is red, but his belt buckle, marked "US," suggests that he is a Union soldier., Text: The man who would desert his country in her need, / Is so much lost to honor, honesty, and shame, / That after death his corpse should ravens feed -- / That all the world should e'en forget his name., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The soldier carries a rifle with a bayonet and wears a Union uniform with a blue coat with tails and epaulets, top hat, and scarf. Behind him, a small dog barks., Text: Bravest of soldiers in fine weather, / A monkey with a cap and feather, / You'd hardly dare to shoot a hog, / And scamper from a little dog., "114", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union foot soldier has very large feet., Text: When in action you are brought, / And the use of bayonets taught; / Then your feet sir, you will prize, / On account of their great size. / For with a pair of feet so large, / You could stand sir, any charge; / Except, perhaps, a cobbler's bill, / And then you'd run with a good will., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier wears baggy, short red pants, a cap with a red crest, and box-like shoes. The valentine mocks the Chasseur's drinking, flirting, and cowardice., Text: Farewell, my bold Chasseur-- / In every lass sir, / A flame, I've no doubt you inspire; / But when in the line / Of the skirmishers fine, / At the show of a flame you'll expire-- / Then take off each trunk. / And make you a bunk, / To lay your head in / When with glory you're drunk., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
