A woman has a large, heart-shaped torso labelled "Poor man's plaster," "fly blister," and "mustard." She holds a bottle marked "Soothing syrup." The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a thimble cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: Ever crying, dying, sighing, / O'er affections trifled with, / Here's a nostrum worth your trying, / It is one containing pith. / Pour a pint of Bourbon whisky / O'rr your lacerated heart, / If it doesn't make you frisky / Certainly 't will make you Smart!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man drinks from a wine glass., Text: You vow and protest that you never will love, / Than myself, any other young lass; / But already you love something better than me / You love stronger your every day glass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A drunken man holds a glass, and the valentine suggests that the recipient's drinking and rowdy behavior has damned him., Text: You go in for the largest liberty, / To drink, carouse, and "smash the machine." / Where will you go to when you go hence? / Straight to the Devil for his Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man tilts his head back and smokes a cigar. He holds a glass., Text: Smoker of the filthy weed, / Love of thine can never speed; / Dost thou love me? better far / Brandy punch and vile segar [i.e., cigar]., "78", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A rum-casket has a human face that looks drunk. It reclines and holds a glass of rum. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Permit me this remark to make / To you, old Keg of rum -- / Spirits another flight may take / Than up to "Kingdom come.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a large, pox-marked head holds a bottle of alcohol. He has a scarf tied around his jaw and head. "Pumpkin" is a derogatory term for an important person., Text: How could I even think, to wed / A man who's always drunken; / Who really has so large a head, / It looks like a ripe pumpkin,., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman holds a wine glass and a bottle of wine and frowns. A picture of a man hangs behind her. The valentine critiques women who drink as being dishonorable and possibly unchaste., Text: Good advice to somebody; indeed, I think, / The advice is plain to understand: / Flee at once from a woman who loves to drink, / Her honor is like a rope of sand., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A drunken man leans against a post. He holds a bottle of gin and steps on a piece of paper that reads "Maine Liq[our] Law," an 1851 law which prohibited the sale of liquor in Maine.The valentine mocks opposers of Temperance by showing them as excessive drinkers., Text: You uphold the rum-traders madly, / While you cannot hold up yourself; / You swallow their poison, and gladly / You aid them in robbing your pelf., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A sailor stands with his eyes closed and his hand in his pocket., Text: You're a sweet looking sailor boy, gallant and bold, / But I'm afraid that for rum you do spend all your gold; / So take my advice, and at once change your tack, / Or your own Valentine will soon give you the sack. / Your nose does proclaim you a regular bloat, / And an odor most poisonous comes from your throat., "529", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with pink skin stands in front of a sign that reads "New York 122 Miles." His shadow looks like a pig., Text: When first you came before my eyes, / I really felt a great surprise, / In fact a puzzle 'twas to me / What animal you e'en could be; / Until at least I found it out-- / A drunken Pig with nasty snout., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man smokes a cigar and holds a glass. He wears curled, elfin shoes. The word "refreshments" appears on the wall behind him., Text: I'm thinking e'er the day is o'er, / You will slip up on ale and wine; / Alas! if you should break your head, / You'd break my heart, dear Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man holds a drink and stands in front of a bar with gin on the shelves. The bartender leans on the bar. The valentine mocks the recipient's aspirations for office and excessive drinking., Text: Blowing 'round the rumholes -- gas, gas, gas-- / Drinking poison whisky -- Oh, what an ass! / Thinking you can wheedle the mass, mass, mass: / Very good-looking, sir, but you can't pass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The mason holds a trowel and a bottle marked "brick." The text refers to his putting a brick in his hat on Saturday night (slang for getting drunk). The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Among the brick the mason revels. / With his trowel and line, his levels and bevels, / He bricks up this, and he bricks up that, / And, on Saturday night, puts a brick in his hat., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The ugly hatter stands at a table ironing top hats. "Gossamer" refers to the shellacked muslin pieces that shaped silk hats. "Swipes" is slang for copious drinking, and "logwood" is a type of dye. "Judy" is slang for a ridiculous woman, and the sender suggests that the recipient could only marry such a woman., Text: Ah, now I well know what it was that I smelt-- / 'Twas the bottle-nosed, rabbit-mouth'd dealer in felt. / Mother Judy might marry such fellows, but I / Detest such a dabbler in logwood and dye. / Thought your head is so big, 'tis of gossamer rig-- / All bloated and puff'd, like a measly pig. / Beastly swiller of swipes, what a picture is thine! / Bad luck to the girl who is your Valentine!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A bricklayer with a hod on his shoulder is mounting a ladder. The valentine warns the recipient that his concumption of alcohol is interfering with his job. It plays on the word "drop" as a synonym for liquour, then to refer to the possibility that he might fall from his ladder under the influence of alchohol and finally that his drunken ways may get him into trouble with the law and then be hanged., Text: Leering, drunken, dissipated, / Oft I see you elevated, / Not alone upon the ladder, / But in a way that is much sadder, / Your fondness for a “DROP” is such / That you may get a DROP too much / By falling from the ladder top, / Or at the gallows “take a drop.” / A fate that doubtless will be thine, / So, go, be hanged! my Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man's head is attached to a barrel of gin. He is smoking an oversized cigar. The valentine criticizes the recipient's overconsumption of alcohol and tobacco and their poor effects on his health., Text: You pasty-faced unwholesome lout, / You’re always soaked with rotten gin, / And smell so rank of vile cigars, / To strangle you would be no sin. / You’ve drank and smoked until you’ve grown / A dried-up mummy lank and thin, / A sample of the dire effects / Of bad tobacco mixt with gin., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man is holding a large barrel. His half closed eyes, unsteady posture, and broad grin suggest he may be drunk. A woman stands behind the counter, which has a pawnbroker's symbol on it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The ugly hatter stands at a table ironing top hats. "Gossamer" refers to the shellacked muslin pieces that shaped silk hats. "Swipes" is slang for copious drinking, and "logwood" is a type of dye. "Judy" is slang for a ridiculous woman, and the sender suggests that the recipient could only marry such a woman., Text: Ah! now I well know what it was that I smelt, / It was the bottle-nosed, rabbit-mouthed dealer in felt. / Mother Judy might marry such a fellow, but I-- / Detest such a dabbler in logwood and dye, / Though your head is so big-- 'tis of gossamer rig-- / All bloated and puffed, like a measly pig, / Beastly swiller of swipes-- what a picture is thine-- / Bad luck to the girl who is your Valentine., See similar print, A Hatter, Comic Valentines, 4.40, Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A jockey stands at a bar drinking from a beer tankard with a dog standing attentively at his side. In the background, a bartender stands behind the bar across from a woman who grins and holds a glass., Text: Alas, poor man, thy suit of plush, / Has fairly turned thy brain I ween, / But if thou art a man, Oh! blush, / To be a thing so very mean, / Oh! Jockey of the spotless clothes, / Oh! Jockey of the gundy plush, / Oh! Jockey with the turn up nose, / I pity thee and for thee blush., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A driver who has falled from his cart sits on the ground. His hat has fallen off, he has dropped his whip, and his clothes are torn at the knees and elbows. His horse is running away with the cart int he distance and the boxes of cargo have fallen off. The text indicates that he is careless because he drinks too much., Text: You stupid old donkey, just from the bogs, / You’re only fit to drive, a drove of western hogs, / You always are loaded, and so much more of late, / That your tongue seems a brick and you cannot see straight, / Your horses get scared – for their blinders don’t blind them, / When they see such a sot, on the truck-load behind them., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The valentine shows a deck of cards, dice, dice cup, and a wine goblet with a snake in it., Text: There's mischief in both card and dice, / Or goblet, filled to brim; / The're [i.e. they're] only tricks made by Old Nick, / To draw men down to him., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a table and drinks rum through a straw. A bartender stands at a bar in the background. "Sucker" refers to both an excessive drinker and an easily cheated person., Text: A sucker, when you were young, / A sucker, when older you've grown; / And thus, in good sooth, is plain for to see / No matter, how old, a sucker you'll be., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two men stand in front of a staircase. Above it are signs that read "Saloon/ Wines" and "Clam Soup." One man has his hand on the other's back., Text: Where're you are met, in tavern or street, / You're waiting to see if some one will treat; / You'll ask friends to drink, and then walk away, / And leave them behind for the liquor to pay., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The literary man sits at a table. His nose is dark (from drinking?) and he cradles his head with a hand holding a quill. In one corner of the table is a spike with papers through it (i.e., bills?) and on the other corner is a book titled Webster (i.e., Webster's Dictionary?). His trashcan is full, and the valentine suggests that it is difficult for him to write and what he does write is of low quality., Text: With slipshod feet, and coat with elbows out, / You daily sit, and with your scribbling quill, / Indite strange tales and trashy stuff, with which / Poor idle maids their simple minds may fill., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a table. His eyes are closed, and he holds a woman's hand., Text: Though you claim to converse with spirits above -- / Supernatural, if not divine, / I think that the one you know most about, / Is the one they call "Spirits of Wine.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A store keeper stands behind the counter. He has a red nose and pencil tucked behind his ear. Behind the counter are a large number of labeled goods, showing the variety of odds and ends in his stock. The valentine suggests that his customers would be less inclined to be attracted to him than to buy some of the junk he sells., Text: In your shop folks can find every goods, and more too-- / Grass, grogs and grocery; fruits, old and new; / Wood-ware and all wares, temperance gin, / Brooms, bristles and bed-clothes, to draw in the tin; / All things you can sell by the large or the small, / And you are the very worst sell of them all., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a large heart-shaped head holds a portrait of a woman. His torso is also in the shape of a heart. The valentine suggests he drowns his sorrows in alcohol., Text: Dismal, doleful, in thy tears-- / You have not smiled for twenty years, / Except when gin bars were in sight, / And then you smiled both day and night! / Your face reminds one of a lizard-- / Your heart—you only have a gizzard-- / And as for ears, mankind can see / A donkey’s ears were put on thee! / To show you up, we’ll get some hay, / And let the neighbors hear you bray!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A sailor stands with one hand in his pocket and the other holds a bottle. A ship is visible in the distance behind him. The sender criticizes the recipient for excessive drinking and laziness., Text: Now my jolly Sailor, / You are an idle, tippling dog, / O really will not wed you, / You are rather fond of Grog., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing a cloak and bonnet holds at lamppost for support. Her mouth is open and she appears drunk. A sign on the wall behind her says "Gin." The Valentine faults her for her drunkenness., Text: Hic, -- hic, --hic, --drink is your soul's delight, / And your only Valentine, / Go, you drunken wretch, steep your brain in Alcohol, / You never shall be mine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
An unkempt woman leans against a post and drinks from a bottle of liquor., Text: Begone, you dirty drunken jade, / And feed along with swine, / For none but a pig would have you / To be his Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A portly woman smiles vacantly and holds a bottle of liquor. The valentine suggests that her consumption of alcohol has permanently rendered her unattractive., Text: O! Whisky is your souls delight / Your only Valentine. / Go steep your brains in alcohol. / You never shall be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A baker in a paper hat is putting a pie into an oven. His shoe has split open and his red nose, combined with the word "sodden," imply that he is drunk while on the job., Text: What! Buy of you! Your senseless grin / Would sour all your pies, / And not a loaf, poor, sodden oaf, / But would smatter of your lies. / Heavy as lead, your lightest bread, / Cakes, buns, and buscuits, all; / Smash your paper cap on your grinning head, / And into your oven crawl!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A thin man in top hat with a dripping nose drinks from a teapot. On the left, two rows of casks containing liquour are smiling. One of the casks is labeled "Uncle Tom." On the right, a water pump is depicted with a mournful face, since the drunkard prefers liquor to water. The text suggests that no woman would take a proposal from him seriously, since he is unable to provide even for her basic needs., Text: You drink so much that it is plain / You must have water on the brain, / Dost think that any girl would jump / At offer coming from a Pump, / Or that thou ought thou man of water / To have a wife, who can't sup-porter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a man in a sailor's uniform holding a glass in one hand and a "greenback," or a paper dollar bill, in the other. The sender rejects the recipient because of his promiscuity and drinking, which it connects with his love of money, specifically paper currency., Text: Loves nothing as well as a good greenback / Except it be his grog: / And the first he'll waste on the sauciest back, / On the second get drunk as a hog / Alack, Jolly Jack! / Why can't you leave off both women and wine? / Then I'd give you a kiss full of true love's bliss, / And ever call you my own Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The snob, or shoemaker, sews the leather upper to the sole of the shoe. The valentine mocks his appearance, drinking, and courtship of unobtainable women., Text: Now, Mr. Snobby, when next you're at work, / At hammering a sole on your lap, / For the sake of the woman who'd ever have you, / Just commit suicide with your strap. / Oh! wax'd ends and leather! tho' what do I see, / Getting toddy'd wherever you can; / Both stupid and lazy, and shabbily dress'd, / I believe that he thinks he's a man., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows the head and neck of a woman. "Pizen" is dialect for poison and, by extension, cheap liquor., Text: Sooner than marry you my dear / I'd drink "Pizen" by the bowlful / Because I'd always have the blues / If I'd a wife so Doleful., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier stands in front of a bar and spills his drink onto a waiter's tray. The soldier is thin, carries a sword, and has a large head, and the other figures are much smaller., Text: You may swagger and blow, but people all know, / That you're filled up with less war than poor brandy, / that you never would fight in a bar-room or field, / But brandy could swallow quite handy. / And there's many a door that has a long score, / Chalked down to this bar-room commander, / Who never has chink -- but is ready to drink, / With each scaly looking bystander., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The machinist holds a hammer and pushes against a brace., Text: In the shop there's none so smart as you / At mending a boiler or making a screw. / Where is your means of supporting a wife, / And supplying her wants throughout her life? / Your wages are small, every one knows / The principal part to the port-house goes! / Faint hope to gain a woman's heart, / By one so well known as thou art., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a fireman straddling a firehose. He smokes a cigar. The sender mocks the recipient's womanizing, drinking, and fixation on fire fighting, and urges him to settle down. "Mose" is the name of the fireman in Benjamin Baker's play New York as it is., Text: Mose loves nothing so well as a fire, / Except it be women and wine; / If I love Mose it is with a desire / To make Mose open his eyes and eye her / Who loves nothing so well as a VALENTINE., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Baker, Benjamin A., 1818-1890. New york as it is.
A Union soldier carries a rifle and a large rucksack with a canteen, bayonet, and case attached., Text: Behold the conquering hero come, / From rations of hard-tack to rations of rum; / While battles raged you stayed in camp-- / A youthful soldier, but "veteran" scamp., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Irishman has copious facial hair, smokes a pipe, and wears knee-breeches. He stands in front of another man and a ship. The "Know Nothings" were an anti-Catholic and anti-immigrant group, and the valentine mocks the Irishman for knowing so little that he would join a group that opposes him., Text: It's Paddy from Cork I am; sure you'll be knowin' me; / And I'm jist over, good manners to tache: / Faith, I'm a know-nothing, and soon I'll be showin' ye / How to git into office, and stick like a lache., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A drunken Union soldier holds onto a pole and stands in front of a restaurant., Text: My friend, your picture here you see, / A patriotic warlike Soldier, yes, sir'ee! / You love your country, and are its sworn defender, / But love your cocktails, and glory in a bender. / With an army as you to fight, to slaughter, / Jeff. Davis need not fear on land or water., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits in a chair. He wears fashionable clothing, smokes a pipe, and holds a drink., Text: You're a nice man to think of a wife, / With a phiz that we laugh at round town; / We girls know how you're spending your life, / With your drink and tobacco done brown., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier wears baggy, short red pants, a cap with a red crest, and box-like shoes. The valentine mocks the Chasseur's drinking, flirting, and cowardice., Text: Farewell, my bold Chasseur-- / In every lass sir, / A flame, I've no doubt you inspire; / But when in the line / Of the skirmishers fine, / At the show of a flame you'll expire-- / Then take off each trunk. / And make you a bunk, / To lay your head in / When with glory you're drunk., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A harness maker is seated in his workshop. "Harness repared' is written on the wall behind him and a crate marked "Beer" is filled with bottles., Text: You wretched old chap! You’re not worth a rap / You can’t sew a strap, so that it won’t snap: / You steal every scrap you can, but, mayhap / The Devil will clap you ‘fore long in his trap, / Old Chap!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with elaborately done hair stands behind a counter. The counter and the shelf behind her are covered with pastries and other delicacies and she holds a glass in her hand. The text implies that both she and the customers she serves have inflated opinions of themselves, and that she will be unsuccessful in finding a husband through overt flirting with customers., Text: You, no doubt, think you're very fine, / As you hand the swells a glass of wine, / Your hair done in the fashion, with curls hung down your back, / I'm sure you're boldness would not the courage lack, / To ask some one to take you to be their Valentine, / But stick to your refreshment stall for you never will be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with elaborately done hair stands behind a counter. The counter and the shelf behind her are covered with pastries and other delicacies and she holds a glass in her hand. The text implies that both she and the customers she serves have inflated opinions of themselves, and that she will be unsuccessful in finding a husband through overt flirting with customers., Text: You, no doubt, think you're very fine, / As you hand the swells a glass of wine, / Your hair done in the fashion, with curls hung down your back, / I'm sure you're boldness would not the courage lack, / To ask some one to take you to be their Valentine, / But stick to your refreshment stall for you never will be mine., See similar print, "You, no doubt,", Comic Valentines, 17.11, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A Union military drummer carries a rucksack and a large snare drum on his side. The valentine criticizes the soldier's bad behavior before the war., Text: Folks do say, my little drummer, / That once you were a perfect bummer; / Made your living gathering junk, / And spent your money getting drunk. / If this be so, young friend of mine, / You'll never make a Valentine., "509", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union officer stands at a bar and holds a large tankard of beer. The valentine criticizes military recruiters who get men drunk so that they will enlist., Text: You're not a fascinating creature, / Either in manners, form or feature, / Neither your own mug, quaint and queer, / Nor that o'erflowing mug of beer, / Would tempt me, sir, were I a gent, / To join your rowdy regiment. / Don't try with drink to catch recruits, / Our army needs good men, not brutes-- / Men who love order and the laws, / Whose hearts are in their country's cause, / Whose nerves are strong, whose heads are clear, / Whose courage is not born of beer., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
