A man stands in front of a store counter, holding his wallet and a dollar bill. A purse is on display, and coins are on the counter. A clerk with a box in his hand smiles at the man., Text: A fool and his money is soon parted you know; / And when once it is started, it's bound for to go; / Then beware my young man, take a hint in good time, / Or before very long you'll have nary a dime., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A tailor rides on a goose, has a head of cabbage on his back, and holds a bat that reads "The Ninth or Lousy." "Goose" refers to a tailor's iron, and "cabbage" refers to the fabric leftover from making a garment, which tailors were often accused of stealing. "Ninth part of man" is a derogatory term for tailors, referencing the saying that nine tailors equal one man., Text: O! ninth of man, straighten up if you can, / And go get astride of your goose; / Your cabbaging art has lost you my heart, / I find all your habits are loose., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
An ugly woman holds a mask of a beautiful face., Text: So so, here we have you unmasked, I declare, / And Satan himself you would certainly scare; / The mask, keep it on, till he sendeth for you-- / Come for you himself, is a thing he'll ne'er do-- / O brimstone and bitterness, how it he'd rue!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man carrying a fan wears a hat, eyeglasses, and a large coat . Another man stands in the background., Text: Your curious and mysterious ways have made / Your conduct and employment a charade / Which time alone can solve, and I've no doubt / They'll find a rascal when they find you out., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands next to a small dog and smokes a cigarette. The sender implies that the recipient misrepresents his background., Text: Oh my! what airs aristocratic! / "First Fam."--ahem! -- a noble scion! / You date your birth high up (an attic); / Come, come, such game as this don't try on., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a goose's head holds a needle and a piece of fabric. Behind him is a sign that reads "P.G. Goose/ F[as]hion Tailor." "Goose" refers to a tailor's iron., Text: When I look in the glass, / Or I look in my ledger, / I see nothing but "bill"-- / No chink for a pledger; / Sciss, sciss, I will, / Stuff and pad you till / You attend to my long bill; / Confound you, pay your bill -- / P.G. Goose must have a bank bill., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man has two faces. One is smiling, and the other sticks out his tongue. The side that sticks out his tongue makes a gesture with his fist., Text: Monster of wickeness, deceit and crime, / Thou wretch that glories in all that's vile, / Look on this picture, and there thou'lt see / A double featured knave like thee. / You're lying tongue would disgrace even Satan, / So never presume to the hand of a maiden; / But go to your vile clan, and with them revel, / For rather than wed you, I'd wed the devil., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a telegraph board with ticker tape around him. A clock hangs on the wall behind him, and in the background another man reads a ticker tape. The first telegraph message was sent in 1844., Text: O Mighty Operator on the little wire. / A liking I might have for you, / If you were not such a liar.. / But, out of an hundred words, / Of lies there's ninety-nine! / A man with such a [illegible]., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with a cat's head holds a mouse by its tail. She holds up her apron and has a shocked expression on her face. The sender suggests the recipient's gentleness is a facade., Text: Though for your gentleness, / You have gained much applause, / I am afraid if mad, / You'd quickly show your claws., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A jeweler sits at his bench, repairing a watch. On the wall behind him is a sign that says "Jeweler reparing done" and several clocks. The clocks' faces do not all show the same time., Text: A crowbar, or pickaxe, a more fitting tool / Would be in your hands, you ridiculous fool; / Can anyone be so stupidly green, / As to give you his watch, or his clock, to clean? / The chances are great that ‘twill need more repair, / Than before it had been put into your care., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A shopkeeper stands behind a counter with his hands in his pockets. Across the counter a customer observes the scales and says "False, sir." The valentine accuses the recipient of cheating his customers., Text: You call yourself a business man, / But you cheat the public when you can, / In all your goods, short weight you give, / And rob the poor, yourself to live., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man carries a yoke with two buckets. One is labelled chalk and the other water. Milk means to take undue profit and the use of "cream" and "surface" suggest that the milkman is cheating his customers by adulterating his product so that it looks like milk., Text: Bawling about the streets you go, / With noisy cry of milk Be—low, / BE-LOW indeed the MILK must be, / We none upon the SURFACE see, / For it is plain you never fail / To milk the cow with the iron tail. / Of all the MILKMEN I have seen, / Of roguery you are the CREAM., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A tailor sits cross-legged, sewing a button onto a pair of pants. The tailor is smoking a pipe and a half-empty mug of beer sits next to him. On the wall behind him, "Old Misfit" and "Shoddy Suits Made to Order" suggest that the quality of his work is poor., Text: You cross-legged sinner, you botchy old beat, / All that you care for's to cozen and cheat, / Your cloth is all shoddy, and your sewing is such / That the clothes comes to pieces almost at a touch ; / The buttons fall off, the colors all fade, / And only fools, more than once, with you would trade., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman has devil horns and a tail, and her face and hair are blackened. She points to a fire., Text: Faces may be fair and round, / Tongues may be soft and clear; / But hearts when black, unmask'd are found / As I have pictur'd here., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The woman has a snake's body and a pointed tongue., Text: Deceitful reptile! vain thy every art-- / To captivate my eye, or charm my heart; / For even change your skin, you'd be, at last, / Nought but what now you are-- a snake in the grass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two men stand in front of a staircase. Above it are signs that read "Saloon/ Wines" and "Clam Soup." One man has his hand on the other's back., Text: Where're you are met, in tavern or street, / You're waiting to see if some one will treat; / You'll ask friends to drink, and then walk away, / And leave them behind for the liquor to pay., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man has a snake's tongue and body., Text: Your portrait see without the glass, / A perfect snake within the grass, / A scaly, crawling, slimy thing, / Your forked tongue is deceit's vile sting, / Smile in one's face, bites at one's back, / And leave your poison in your track. / Go and 'mong fellow serpents shine, / A venom-spitting Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A tailor sews a jacket, and he has shears and his "goose," or iron, near him. Behind him is a sign that reads " 190/ J. Cabbage/ Tailor." "Cabbage" refers to fabric leftover from making a garment., Text: Pray, good Knight of the shears, my good Mister Cabbage, / Do you look for a wife, in spite of the adage, / That it takes nine full tailors to make one good man; / Well, I wish you good luck, catch one if you can., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man holding a trowel lays bricks. The valentine urges the recipient to amend his behavior so that he will not be considered "shabby," or someone who plays mean tricks., Text: If you aint the best of good fellows, / Or constantly up to your tricks, / I think you'll be put down as shabby, / Though you're daily surrounded with Bricks., "31", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The short book-keeper stands at a large desk. He holds a quill in front of a book. He resembles a horse and wears a patterned jacket, tie, and striped pants, which suggests that he is a dandy. The sender accuses the recipient of dishonesty., Text: You do not cast your figures right, / And false entries, 'tis said you make; / Some day your sins will come to light, / And another man your place will take., Cf. 2.5., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in a black suit stands next to a tomb stone marked "In Memory," and he looks away. A woman stands in the background., Text: You're old and ugly, and not sincere, / And your actions, sir, are very queer! / Those canting words will never do, / For none will have such a thing as you. / Dressed in black -- yet blacker heart, / You can't make me your 'better part;' / And although you cast a longing eye, / All your advances I defy., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The book-keeper stands in front of a large desk. He holds a large quill poised before the book. He resembles a horse, and he wears a patterned jacket, tie, and striped pants, which suggests that he is a dandy. The sender accuses the recipient of dishonesty., Text: How easily one can tell by your looks, / You are a blotter of ink, and a writer on books, / 'Tis very strange, though your wages are small, / You oft visit Burton's, to a trot, or a ball, / But money you'll have, no matter how ill, / If not by fair means you must rob the till., Cf. 2.4., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The dry-goods dealer stands behind a counter and shows a garment to two women., Text: MR. DRY GOODSMAN, your lying tongue doth ever run / Like the color of your goods when exposed to the sun: / You warrant all things "not to fade," which you show / Yet when they are washed they become white as snow. / Now don't you fear, that, while thus lying and cheating / Your partner, "Old Nick," will give you his greeting., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman's figure has two heads. One is smiling and says "My love to you, dear ," while the other has a forked tongue and says "Bad luck to the wretch." The text translates roughly to: "Cheers, Sir. Oh, how polite, to indulge us with the privilege of your presence, if I see the man I'd like to stick a pincer in his guts." The valentine suggests the recipient's words mask malicious intentions., Translation: "Cheers, Sir. Oh, how polite, to indulge us with the privilege of your presence, if I see the man I'd like to stick a pincer in his guts.", Text: Wohl bekomm’s mein Herr / Ach, wie artig, uns die Ehre / Ihres Besuches zu gönnen, / Wenn ich den Menschen sehe / Möcht icht eine glückende Zange / In seine Eingeweiden umkehren., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A sailor sits cross-legged and holds scissors. A large cabbage is visible under his seat. "Cabbage" refers to the cloth leftover after making a garment. "Goose" is a name for an iron, whose name comes from its goose-neck handle. "Nine mean agianst one" references the saying that nine tailors equal one man., Text: Hurra! For the Races, I’m off on my steed. / I’ll lift all the Sweepstakes when put to my speed. / Nine men against One, who would hope to eclipse / A Tailor who’s armed with tapes, yard stick & snips. / I’m sharp as my needle, and not to be done / Of my Cabbage which follows where ever I run. / Tho’ the thimble-rig fellows, may try to humbug, / I’ll shoulder my lap-board, and sit on my rug. / In defiance of all whether light laced or loose / Who objects to a Tailor for riding his Goose., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a crocdile head holds a handkerchief to his teary eye. Two women are looking at him, one has her hands on her hips. The sender accuses the recipient of being insincere and deceitful., Text: I love a man that is sincere in all he’ll say and do, / But not a sniveling Crocodile, deceitful wretch like you / Who for any paltry end can always whine and cry, / You ugly, paltry, sniveling brute, deceit is in your eye. / You may whine and do your best at which we only laugh, / But let us tell you love’s too old to be thus caught by chaff., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands behind a counter and measures leaves in a set of scales. He is wearing an apron and pointed shoes. Beneath the counter is a box marked sloe-leaves. The sender implies that the shopkeeper substitutes sloe leaves for tea., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdigris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a gap-toothed grin weighs leaves in a set of scales. The packet he holds in his hand is labelled "Imitation tea" and several other containers behind the counter are labeled "Dutch pink", "Tea Dust", and "Verdigrease". The valentine suggests the clerk cheats his customers., Text: Original, should be the word, / Genuine, is quite absurd, / For Ash and Sloe leaves sure must be, / At least a new invented Tea; / So Verdegris, I don’t incline, / To take you for a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing ice skates has multiple pairs of legs, which indicate that they are moving quickly. Four men observe him. "Monkey shines" means monkey-like antics., Text: Brisk as a flea, as lightning flashes, / Quickly you make grasshopper dashes-- / Hic, presto, change! Now here, now there; / We cannot find you anywhere-- / But know a fool is in the middle, / And thus I solve your icy riddle. / From those that cut up monkey shines, / We do not choose our Valentines., Cf. Valentine 8.36, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A boy lies on his stomach with his heels in the air underneath a tree. The sun is high in the sky and a hoe is lying on the ground next to the boy, suggesting he is neglecting farming duties., Text: You are the biggest fraud on earth, / A lazy, loafing lout, / A big mistake was at your birth-- / Oh! That your ma was out! / Such shirks as you should be caught up, / And sent around the horn, / Or an inquest held on all of you, / Before you e’er were born-- / Oh! How we hope that some fine day, / You may dry up and blow away., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands behind a counter with a fowl in his hand and smiles. The valentine suggests that although he can be ingratiating, he is not trustworthy., Text: Stands the Poulterer pert and sly, / Madam, pray step in and buy; / Ah! Buy indeed, to buy and rue, / Would be to buy a goose like you; / Never, by cock and hen, I swear, / Shall you be mine, unpolished bear., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands behind a counter wearing an apron, with his hands in his pockets. On the other side of the conter another man holds upa set of balances and says "False, Sir.", Text: Tho’ in butter cheese, and such as these / You deal, your CONDUCT’s not the CHEESE / They say the buyer never fail / To find ‘gainst him you turn the scale. / By such tricks you rob the poor, / Untill the jury at your door, / Finds you out and prove too late, / We cannot trust a man of WEIGHT. / Measures not men’s a motto fine, / Then an honest! Thief shall ne’er be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A policeman in uniform holds a lantern in his hand. The valentine suggests that he takes advantage of the benefits of his position and shies away from the responsibilities., Text: If the right one’s a strong ‘un, / You collar the wrong ‘un, / It’s one of the tricks of the trade. / All the members / Of the force, / Have a watch / and chain, of course. /You’re the biggest fraud in the force, / and with your lantern in your hand, / You frighten all the kids / and rob every costers stand, /You sample the gin at the corners, / till your nose is as red as a beet, / And if they come down with the tanners, / you wink at the rascals who cheat, / You are after all the cookies, / like any love sick chick, / And when there’s a row a brewing / you scamper away mighty quick., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wears a large hoop skirt, a cape, and a feathered hat, and carries a parasol and small bag. The sender suggests that such attention to appearances will not make up for the recipient's personal defects., Text: With a fine hat and painted face, / Leading a life of gay disgrace, / Don’t think that wearing such a hat, / Will aid you to catch a flat, / Your false hair is nicely braided, / Your infamy well paraded., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A butcher with a moustache stands with cleaver in hand. Two cats hang from hooks under the words "Cats wanted.", Text: Go! slaughterer of stolen cats, / And shave the moustache from thy lip -- / Thy sausages are made from rats, / Thy cutlets worse than any chip, / Thy steaks defy the strongest jaws, / Thy mutton comes from aged rams, / Thy pork defies the sharpest saws, / And tainted are thy sugared hams. / Repent, ere yet it is too late, / Or you may butcher for the State., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in black mourning dress stands next to a tombstone marked "In Memory" and holds a handkerchief in her gloved hand. She smirks and looks over her should at a man in the background., Text: Oh! vain desembler, dry your eye, / And quickly throw that onion by; / Your dress and tears we truly know. / Are only traps to catch a beau., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in a black suit smirks and holds a flower over a grave with an unmarked gravestone. Two woman stand behind him., Text: Vain pretender, put off thy badge of woe; / For, well we know, if you were only able / To cach [i.e. catch] a wife, the funeral baked meats / Would coldly furnish forth the marriage table., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two soldiers in Union uniforms are shown. One holds a rifle with bayonet and prods the other one over a fence. "Skulker" is slang for a soldier who feigns injury to avoid duty., Text: Boaster of your deeds of glory / When the shot fell far and near, / The only scar to prove your story / Is from a bayonet in the rear., Cf. 2.21., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The politician hides a bill marked "$100 bribe" behind his back, and he holds a bloodied knife marked "argument" in front of him. He stands at table with a contract on it. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Oh! you're a political rough, rough, / With your bowie-knife, pistol, and bribe. / Now the ballot-box better can stuff, rough, / Than you and your elegant tribe. / And 't is you, who, unless I mistake, take / Proper measures for winning the trick, / And keep your own voters awake, wake, / By touching them with a sharp stick., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman has two faces, both with pox marks. One side smiles and extends a hand, and one frowns and extends a fist. The valentine possibly refers to promiscuity and sexually transmitted diseases., Text: Avaunt! foul tempress! though you show'd a face / As fair as heart of man had ever charmed, / I see another on the other side, / Deceit has wrinkled, passion has deformed., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in a black dress sits at a table. She holds a handkerchief to her eyes and is crying. There is an open bottle and a glass on the table and "Gammon" is written on the wall behind her. Gammon means nonsense and suggests that her grief is insincere., Text: Poor widow wooding for the loss, / Of one you’ll ne’er forget / And yet the thought my mind will cross, / That you are TO BE LET. / But in you no charm I see, / And therefore frankly own, / That all the chance you have with me, / Is to be LET alone., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man leans on a crunch and a walking stick. He wears a hat that says "D.B. Exempt." D.B. stands for "dead beat," a slang term for men who faked injuries or illness to avoid duty., Text: How suddenly, dear sir, you stopped your talk of war and glory, / When you thought a draft was to take place. But it's the same old story; / A dog that's always barking, they say will never bite, / So with one who talks of fighting, he's the last one to go fight. / There's a very apt old saying, and 'twill well apply to you, / That a man can't be a patriot, and be a coward too., "528", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The chaplain stands between two kneeling soldiers and takes currency from their rucksacks., Text: A pretty man of God are you! / You claim to have an eye of faith, / But have a stronger eye for booty, / When soldiers all are at their prayers, / You go on Pick-et duty., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
