A Zouave Union soldier holds out two pistols and has a sword on his back. A cannonball is between his legs, and bullet is near his forehead., Text: Your tales fiery Zou-zou must surely amuse us / Picking up lighted shells to spit on their fuses / Catching balls in your hands and returning them home / I certainly own are marvelously some., Cf. Valentine 11.48., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union Zouave soldier holds his rifle on his shoulder. Chicken heads peak out from his pants, suggesting that "hens" means "women" in the text., Text: My Zouave is a pretty bird, / He wears a bushy tail; / He never missed secessia's hens, / When one upon their trail. / But now he's gone to / A long way from the snore [i.e., shore], / Where he can never hook the hens, / He gaily hooked before., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wearing bloomers rides a bicycle. She has a wide grin and several missing teeth. The valentine mocks her good humor and compares her to monkeys and donkeys and plays on the word "asinine.", Text: Oh, dear, what a sweet little creature! / Who can deny that you shine? / There’s not face in the cage of the monkeys, / At the Zoo, can compare with thine; / And so bright you are! And so witty! / To list’ to your merry “tee-hee,”/ Makes one think of some happy young donkey / Indulging in asinine glee., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing a top hat, frock coat and gloves carries a cane. The valentine suggests that his attention to dress does not succeed in making him attractive., Text: You’re a gentleman true, but you never will do. / Such a long and lean foundry old poker as you; / By the impudent stare, I can vow and declare, / You look like a Smike, and VAGABOND TOO., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A monkey pushes a cart loaded with bags marked "powder." The valentine suggests that the recipient has more in common with monkeys than humans., Text: You're to the soldiers quite a flunkey, / Beauteous little power monkey; / Should you get killed-- oh heaven forbid it-- / The world would want to know who did it; / For when you die, Gorilla's brother, / Where can we pick up such another?, "524", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a dress with a bustle and a hat with a small veil. The woman leans forward in the Grecian Bend, caused by fashionable restrictive, bustled gowns. The Grecian Bend style of bustle became popular after 1869., Text: You're not so bad looking as some I know, / You're not so ill mannered as others I know, / And you generally make a respectable show; / But you're deficient in brains, I'm sorry to say, / Because you dress in such a ridiculous way, / And consider the Bend such a gorgeous array., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman bends forward towards a crowd of women, in the "Grecian Bend" created by wearing fashionable restrictive gowns and bustles. Behind her are signs that read " The Original Grecian Bend for State Millener" and "The Pink of Fashion, Mme. Lecreme." The Grecian Bend style of bustle became popular after 1869. New York city directories for 1867-72 list Fisher and Denison at the same address, noting that Denison lived in Maryland., Text: You're all aflame with woman's right, / And hope thereby to see strange sights; / No place too bold for such a trump-- / You'd even go so far as mount the stump. / If you thus cast all social laws aside, / You'll never be a happy bride., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A sailor stands with his eyes closed and his hand in his pocket., Text: You're a sweet looking sailor boy, gallant and bold, / But I'm afraid that for rum you do spend all your gold; / So take my advice, and at once change your tack, / Or your own Valentine will soon give you the sack. / Your nose does proclaim you a regular bloat, / And an odor most poisonous comes from your throat., "529", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union Zouave soldier holds a rifle with a bayonet., Text: You're a gay Zoovey Zoo, with that big beard of thine, / But I think from the army you'd better resign; / A few think you're brave, but a great many say / You're sheet-ironed behind, and you will run away. / If such be the case, it's a very bad sign, / And you never will make a tip-top Valentine., "506", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds a gun and sword. Hemp rope was used for hanging, and the sender rejects the recipient by suggesting that he hang himself., Text: You're a gay old Colonel, that's beyond a doubt, / See front your forehead how your eyes bulge out; / With sword and pistol tight within your hand, / You think, no doubt, you look supremely grand; / Around your neck go place thick hempen twine, / And never hope to be my Valentine., "503", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in sleeping clothes stands in front of his baby in a chair. His wife sleeps in the bed behind him., You poor molly-coddling spooney fool, / This is a picture true to life, / Showing you in your shirt, so cool / With your baby, while calmly sleeps your wife. / But you are just served right in that, / The only one we pity, is the blessed baby: / And if I was your wife, -- I tell you, flat, -- / You would get something worse, you stupid gaby., Cf. Valentine 8.31., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman screams as the Devil embraces and kisses her cheek., Text: Alas! that love, so gentle in his view, / Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!.. / And gentle maid, when Love shall come to you, / You'll know him by his horns and cloven hoof., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man has a stringed instrument for a body. The valentine compares him to a broken fiddle., Text: Your soul is in a fiddle-case, / Yourself a half-cracked fiddle; / To find your beauty, sense, or wit, / Would be a monstrous riddle., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A worker wearing a hat and apron hold a piece fo cloth on a stick above a dyeing vat. The sender rejects the recipient because of his lowly occupation., Text: Your person reminds me of some ugly Cub / Therefore I advise you to stick to your tub/ If by Dying you live pray sir don’t die for me, / For my heart’s not engaged yet nor likely to be., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman has a large, heart-shaped torso labelled "Poor man's plaster," "fly blister," and "mustard." She holds a bottle marked "Soothing syrup." The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a thimble cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: Ever crying, dying, sighing, / O'er affections trifled with, / Here's a nostrum worth your trying, / It is one containing pith. / Pour a pint of Bourbon whisky / O'rr your lacerated heart, / If it doesn't make you frisky / Certainly 't will make you Smart!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a wide head smiles and puts his hands on his hips., Text: Ha! ha! ha! 'tis just your likeness, / And a sweet one sure is this; / Don't you think your grin inviting / All the maids to snatch a kiss?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman holds out her infant and smiles. The infant holds a knife and a doll., Text: From early dawn, you love to walk, / And play, and prattle baby talk; / You think that never other lady, / Had half so nice a little baby., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman stands between two men. She wears a large-skirted gown that reveals her ankles and blocks the men's path. To have "two strings in one's bow" means to have more than one option., Text: Daily you lose your modesty, / And some new freak of fastness try, / Allow me here then to suggest / The vulgar style that suits you best, / Young Ladies think it is the go / To have two strings unto their bow; / But I'll teach you a faster thing, / To have two beaus unto your string!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with a large nose and oversized tongue gossips with a neighbor over a wall., Text: You ugly, low, and artful wretch, / With lies upon your tongue, / I wish that you and all your tribe / Were in a kennel flung., Lloyd, 12, Salisbury –square, Fleet-street. 268, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman holds a whip and stands over a fallen man. Her hair forms horns., Text: You ugly, cross and wrinkled shrew, / You advocate of woman's rights, / No man on earth would live you, / For fear of endless fights., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A cavalry soldier rides a horse with his feet out of the stirrups. He carries a large sword. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You think yourself both bold and brave, of course, / Whene'er you safely gallop down your line; / Yourself as jaded as your wretched horse, / Who'd have a scarecrow for a Valentine?, "11.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man has very long mutton chops and a moustache., Text: You think your style is just the thing / To raise a great commotion; / Get the ladies on a string, / And use them to your notion; / But ladies cannot stomach now, / Such senseless-headed noodles, / They all with one accord avow, / They find more sense in poodles., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wearing a apron carries a full tray. "I declare I am quite the Slave of the Ring," reads a speech bubble., Text: You think no doubt you’re quite the style / When you put on that silly smile, / But no one likes such affectation / From one in a servant’s situation / You give yourself too many airs / your proper place should be downstairs / To skim the pot and make the gravy / For after all you’re but a slavey. / To your tea and coffee I don’t incline / So goodbye my waiting Valentine., 145, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing a large and elaborate skirt sticks her nose in the air and carries a comically small parasol. The valentine chides her for having an inflated opinion of her own beauty and style., Text: You think, no doubt, you walk with grace, / With bustle of the largest space, / Covered with yards of costly lace. / And every time we chance to meet, / At party, theatre, or street, / You look so very sugar-sweet / But one who wears a dress so / Shall never be a wife of mine, / So seek another Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands between two women who wear restricted skirts that reveal their feet; they do not appear to be wearing bustles. He has a shocked expression as they both press leaflets to his chest. The valentine mocks women's involvement in politics and connects it with immodest and flirtatious behavior. Bustles were not in vogue between 1876 and 1883, as they were before and after those years., Text: You talk so much of what you'll do / When women have their proper show; / That for your country, in your zeal, / You would the men caress and feel; / Excuse me, if I here portray / A female politician's way., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman stands in front of two men sitting at a table with a plate with two small fish on it. The man on the left holds up two fingers. Behind them is a sign that reads "Boarders will settle every week in advance. Mrs. Gutstarve.", Text: You stingy, shrivel'd, wrinkled, close-skin'd skin-flint, / You advertise for boarders in the papers, / But any man who has any sense or wit, / Can't stand your nasty tricks and capers. / One herring for two men, that is our fare, / And what is left of breakfast, for our dinner, / You think you are making money by your snare, / But you will find that you are the winner., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands next to a coffin and pulls a coin out of it and holds another behind his back., Text: You sneaking, mean, soulless knave, / You'd rob your father's new-made grave, / You'd steal an apple from a girl or boy, / Or rob a baby of its only toy. / Of all men the wide world through, / The most despicable, such as you; / You'd stoop to petty pelf, or lies, / You'd steal the cents from a dead man's eyes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with a monocle and a whip stands in front of a wall. He has antlers protruding from his head., Text: You queer looking fellow, you ill looking brute, / You never will me for a valentine suit, / And if for a husband I ever should take thee / This is the figure I'd certainly make ye., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a dog's head stands with straight posture in front of a table with a puppy on it. "Puppy" is slang for "dandy." Steel collars were used to straighten children's posture, and "brass collar" means a partisan with unwavering political allegiance. The valentine mocks the recipient for being more concerned with improving his posture and appearance than with politics and loyalty. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: In this inventive age / Steel collars the rage / For "gents" who are decidedly hard-up; / But it strikes me there's a class / For worn collars made of brass / Would be fitter -- and you're one of them, you Pup!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a desk, writing with a quill pen. His eyes are closed and his nose has fallen into his inkpot, suggesting his work is exhausting., Text: You poor pen driver, with your inky fingers, / Constant drudgery still o'er you lingers, / The plan of your future I plainly can see, / A slave to your books and bottle you'll be., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with elaborately done hair stands behind a counter. The counter and the shelf behind her are covered with pastries and other delicacies and she holds a glass in her hand. The text implies that both she and the customers she serves have inflated opinions of themselves, and that she will be unsuccessful in finding a husband through overt flirting with customers., Text: You, no doubt, think you're very fine, / As you hand the swells a glass of wine, / Your hair done in the fashion, with curls hung down your back, / I'm sure you're boldness would not the courage lack, / To ask some one to take you to be their Valentine, / But stick to your refreshment stall for you never will be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with elaborately done hair stands behind a counter. The counter and the shelf behind her are covered with pastries and other delicacies and she holds a glass in her hand. The text implies that both she and the customers she serves have inflated opinions of themselves, and that she will be unsuccessful in finding a husband through overt flirting with customers., Text: You, no doubt, think you're very fine, / As you hand the swells a glass of wine, / Your hair done in the fashion, with curls hung down your back, / I'm sure you're boldness would not the courage lack, / To ask some one to take you to be their Valentine, / But stick to your refreshment stall for you never will be mine., See similar print, "You, no doubt,", Comic Valentines, 17.11, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with exaggeratedly large lips sits with a screaming child on her knee. Both she and the child wear large feathered hats., Text: You nasty, drunken, stupid cat, / Likewise your frightful squalling brat, / Are both so ugly that 'tis vain / Your various features to explain! / Your lips are nothing else but good 'uns, / Exactly like two large black puddings; / Nature, you've no cause to thank it / For eyes like burnt holes in a blanket; / In short, devoid of bow or feather, / You are a beauty all together., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier stands in front of a bar and spills his drink onto a waiter's tray. The soldier is thin, carries a sword, and has a large head, and the other figures are much smaller., Text: You may swagger and blow, but people all know, / That you're filled up with less war than poor brandy, / that you never would fight in a bar-room or field, / But brandy could swallow quite handy. / And there's many a door that has a long score, / Chalked down to this bar-room commander, / Who never has chink -- but is ready to drink, / With each scaly looking bystander., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man prays in a church pew. A small devil has his arm around the man. Behind him are two women parishioners., Text: You may sing psalms with sanctimonious face, / And lift your eyes with such a virtuous leer / Who trusts in you will only meet disgrace -- / Disgrace that's everlasting too, I fear. / Hypocrites like rotten fish will shine, / The devil only is your Valentine., "118", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A white man kneels before a racistly depicted African- American man. The African-American man stands on a pedestal and has wings. "Contraband" here means "slave," and the sender rejects the recipient because of his sympathy for slaves. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You love the contrabands too much / To have love left for me, / And therefore you my Valentine / Can never hope to be., "18", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with a grotesquely large nose holds a baby and is accompanied by a small boy. The text suggests that since her large nose and head repel any possible suitors, she must content herself with caring for these children., Text: You looking for a Valentine, whoever would suppose, / You'd ever get a Valentine with such a head and nose, / You'd best stick to the nursery, and the children dandle, / Such a head and nose serves well for a handle; / You've got two kids already, therefore contented be, / I assure you for a Valentine you never will kid me., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: You looking for a Valentine, whoever would suppose / You'd ever get a valentine with such a head and nose, / You'd best stick to the nursery, and the children dandle, / Such a head and nose serves well for a handle; / You've got two kids already, therefore contented be, / I assure you for a Valentine you never will kid me., See similar print "You looking for", Comic Valentines, 17.8, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A drunken man holds a glass, and the valentine suggests that the recipient's drinking and rowdy behavior has damned him., Text: You go in for the largest liberty, / To drink, carouse, and "smash the machine." / Where will you go to when you go hence? / Straight to the Devil for his Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A thin Union soldier in a ragged uniform stands entreating a stout Union soldier in a well-kept uniform. The valentine accuses the recipient, a quartermaster, of theft and misappropriation., Text: You fat old cuss, give us our grub, / You have our cash to feed us, / You're paid to keep us in good trim, / And not to sponge and bleed us., Variant of Valentine 8.47., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A thin man in top hat with a dripping nose drinks from a teapot. On the left, two rows of casks containing liquour are smiling. One of the casks is labeled "Uncle Tom." On the right, a water pump is depicted with a mournful face, since the drunkard prefers liquor to water. The text suggests that no woman would take a proposal from him seriously, since he is unable to provide even for her basic needs., Text: You drink so much that it is plain / You must have water on the brain, / Dost think that any girl would jump / At offer coming from a Pump, / Or that thou ought thou man of water / To have a wife, who can't sup-porter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Confederate soldier runs away from bullets and cannonballs. He has a fearful expression. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You doubtless think that prudence is a virtue, / And therefore dangerous favors you decline. / Run swiftly when you fear that aught will hurt you. / But never hope to be my Valentine., "12", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two moustached men are shown with identical top hats, canes, and cigars. The man on the left is how he sees himself, the man on the right is how others see him. The text suggests that by drawing attention to himself with fine clothes, he seems even more ridiculous., Text: Upon the left we here portry / The way you think you look, you jay, / While there is shown upon the right / Your aspect in the public's sight. / You see the difference is not small / And if you'd any sense at all, / You would be careful not to wear / So pompous and absurd an air., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier smokes a pipe. He holds a gun and rucksack. The valentine mocks his appearance and unwarrented vanity. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You don't look handsome in your regimentals, / Although your doubtless think you're very fine. / You'll ne'er belong unto the sentimentals, / And ne'er can hope to be my valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The bar-keeper stands at a bar and pours liquor from one glass into another. Decanters and glasses are on the bar., Text: You dashing, dressy Bar-keerp, for a dandy you would pass, / As with the most exquisite grace you handle well your glass; / But your brains are like your liquors, the more they are display'd / The more they show the frothy stuff of which they are made., Cf. Valentine 11.3., "73", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A naked baby sits on pillow. He holds a piece of cloth and his mouth and has large eyes., Text: Pick him up and walk the floor, / Twenty times a night or more ; / If he was mine, I’ll tell you what, / I’d pitch him out into the lot. / He’s got his mamma’s ogling eyes -- / He’s got his papa’s yellow tint -- / He hasn’t got a nose at all -- / And jingo! How the brat does squint. / Swing your leg, and give him a lift, / I wouldn’t have him for a gift., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A Union soldier holds a pickaxe and wears a helmet. The valentine mocks his occupation as a miner before the war, and the sender rejects the recipient because of his social status., Text: You belong to the Sappers and Miners, 'tis said, / And you work in the trenches with pickaxe and spade; / An old spade and pitchfork you wielded at home, / And with ash-cart and blind horse the city did roam; / On 'taters and cabbage you daily did dine, / And you'll die in despair if you want to be mine., "517", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in a gown smiles., Text: Dear, delicious, your face divine / Inspires my soul. Will you be mine? / O! do say yes-- nor let me pine; / For you are my own Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in an ornate gown walks her small black dog., Text: You are my darling; don't I know / Why you are ogling ev'ry beau; / But all in vain, for who would be / Led like a puppy tied to thee., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in his night clothes carries a musket and a candle. He holds the candle up to shed light on a man who is hiding in the fireplace. In the background, his wife looks out from behind the door. The text suggests that if the lover continues his behavior, another husband will shoot him., Text: You are an ill conditioned sneak, / U[pon] every amourous freak, / For you have spent your wretched life / In seeking some one else's wife; / Behold what perhap may be your fate, / Carrying on at this sad rate; / Some angry husband may discover, / And blow out your brains my general lover., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.