The crusty fellow of the valentine stands facing a flight of stairs. He holds an umbrella and wears a hat. He grimaces and has large, pointed features., Text: You're always full of dumps and vapors, / And playing off your crabbed capers; / I'd die a maiden old and fusty, / Ere I would wed a man so crusty., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows two men. One reclines with his mouth open, and the other stands above him about to pull a tooth out. Both men have disheveled hair and pained expressions., Text: A Dentist here makes teeth of bone / For those whom Fate has left without; / And finds provision for his own / By pulling other people's out., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows two fashionable women holding hands. They wear gowns and have upturned noses. The valentine condemns the women for their slander, gossip, and spleen [i.e., their ill temper]., Text: Envenomed, tattling, mischievous souls, / Whose breath with slander onward rolls, / Your tongues keep going like a bell, / But never knew the truth to tell. / The purer the mark, the bolder your attack, / And always deceitful behind one's back; / On all you vent your spleen and ire, / Your home should be "the place of fire.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A thin man has a crane's head. He wears a blue jacket and cravat. He carries a large red syringe and has a medicine bottle in his pocket., Text: Mr. Pill with a very long Bill, / If my soldier laddie gets hurt, / If you don't cure him quick, I will tell you right slick, / You are brother-in-law to your Squirt., Variant of 2.39., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A sailor stands on deck next to a cannon. He smokes a pipe and wears a sailor's uniform. He has gray hair and wrinkles., Text: Oh, sailor boy, dost e'er feel blue, / When thou art left without a chew? / When angrily billows 'round thee play, / And you eat salt junk every day, / And when you spit your juice about, / Does't ever strick thee thou'rt "played out?", "528", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows an image of a small child in a pink frock with a yellow collar crying with its hands clenched., Text: Pray dry your eyes my pretty child, / Be cheerful and then maybe, / Next time I pass this way I'll bring, / Some candy for the Baby., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The woman has a snake's body and a pointed tongue., Text: Deceitful reptile! vain thy every art-- / To captivate my eye, or charm my heart; / For even change your skin, you'd be, at last, / Nought but what now you are-- a snake in the grass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a fireman running. He wears a large hat and blows a fire trumpet. The valentine mocks the recipient's inability to get a Valentine., Text: There you go --- now aint it fine/ To halloo after our ENGINE? / How can you, my boy, be steady, / When to run to fires--- so ready? / You think you cut a mighty shine, / And yet can't get --- a Valentine!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in sleeping clothes stands next to a child seated in a chair. His wife sleeps in the bed behind them. "Gaby" means "simpleton.", Text: You, poor molly-coddling spooney fool, / This is a picture true to life: / Showing you in your shirt, so cool / With your baby, while calmly sleeps / your wife. / But you are just served right in that; / The only one we pity, is the blessed baby; / And if I was your wife, -- I tell you flat: / You would get something worse, you / stupid gaby., Cf. Valentine 13.43., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A simian nurse sits in a chair next to a baby in a craddle. A bottle marked "laudinum" [i.e. laudanum] is on the shelf above her, and she threads a needle. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Hush-a-by, baby! / Your slumbers be light, / With laudanum, maybe, / You're not on a "tight.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The snob, or shoemaker, sews the leather upper to the sole of the shoe. The valentine mocks his appearance, drinking, and courtship of unobtainable women., Text: Now, Mr. Snobby, when next you're at work, / At hammering a sole on your lap, / For the sake of the woman who'd ever have you, / Just commit suicide with your strap. / Oh! wax'd ends and leather! tho' what do I see, / Getting toddy'd wherever you can; / Both stupid and lazy, and shabbily dress'd, / I believe that he thinks he's a man., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man wears rustic attire and a wide-brimmed hat. He holds a long walking stick and stands next to a fence. The figure's posture, expression, and facial features are androgynous, and the valentine associates being "lovesick" with effeminancy., Text: Cease your sighing day and night, / Moping like a lovesick dove, / Go 'list, and serve the Right, / And prove yourself worthy of my love., Signed: Green., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Green.
A Union military drummer carries a rucksack and a large snare drum on his side. The valentine criticizes the soldier's bad behavior before the war., Text: Folks do say, my little drummer, / That once you were a perfect bummer; / Made your living gathering junk, / And spent your money getting drunk. / If this be so, young friend of mine, / You'll never make a Valentine., "509", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man plays a large fiddle. "Catgut" means a thick cord made from sheep intestines used for violin strings. The valentine criticizes the fiddler for disrespecting women., Text: I'm a single Musician, / I fiddle with glee, / And think all the fair sex / Mere fiddle-de-dee., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a table and drinks rum through a straw. A bartender stands at a bar in the background. "Sucker" refers to both an excessive drinker and an easily cheated person., Text: A sucker, when you were young, / A sucker, when older you've grown; / And thus, in good sooth, is plain for to see / No matter, how old, a sucker you'll be., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a man crouching down with his hand near his face. His shadow resembles a monkey. The text references the theory of evolution presented by Charles Darwin in his On the origin of species (1859)., Text: It is believed some men among, / That all us folks from monkey sprung, / But until first I saw your face, / I did not think such was the case, / Yet then I thought it might be true-- / That is, my friend, regarding you., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Magnus, Charles.
A soldier smokes a pipe. He holds a gun and rucksack. The valentine mocks his appearance and unwarrented vanity. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You don't look handsome in your regimentals, / Although your doubtless think you're very fine. / You'll ne'er belong unto the sentimentals, / And ne'er can hope to be my valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The nincompoop smiles, holds a ball, and plays a whistle. His eyes are crossed, his knees turn in, and his ears are elfin., Text: Now, really, my kind sir, d'ye think I'd stoop / To have a man who's such a nincompoop? / 'Twere better far if single I'd remain, / Than wed a man who had so little brain., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds a sword in his hand. His hat is decorated with two figures. Behind him is a dead body with detached legs., Text: O thou, man of fame and slaughter, You cannot have my mother's daughter; / You are the man, I most could bet, That went away from poor Jeanette. / What's the use of that long sword to you? Void of courage to run an enemy through, / Or even a bull-frog to attack a rush, Thou art no soldier, but a man of mush., Cf. Valentine 10.15., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows the head and neck of a woman. "Pizen" is dialect for poison and, by extension, cheap liquor., Text: Sooner than marry you my dear / I'd drink "Pizen" by the bowlful / Because I'd always have the blues / If I'd a wife so Doleful., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man kneels holding a shoe, and a woman's foot is on a stool, with skirt thrown back revealing her leg. The man says "How high would you like it Miss." The valentine criticizes the inappropriate physical contact between shoe dealers and their female customers., Text: Let me teach you, foolish gaby, / When you wait upon a Lady, / Not to foolish jokes intrude, / Such conduct to a Lady's rude., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young man wears a stove-pipe hat, red jacket, and boots, marking him as a Bowery B'hoy, or young working class man from the Five Points neighborhood in New York City. He stands in front of another male figure who smokes a pipe and wears a stove-pipe hat. "Get the bag" means to be fired., Text: Each swollen eye, each dirty rag, / Of brawls and battles tell us; / You seek my heart -- you'll get the bag, / And won't get nothing else., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman cries and sits with her elbows on a table. The final line of the text is a popular saying., Text: Why so pensive, dear? wipe those tears from thy eyes, / Throw care to the winds, and look gay, as you ought; / Remember this motto, that there is, my dear, / "As good fish in the sea, as ever was caught.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier kneeling next to a cooking pot eats from a bowl., Text: Oh! How I love the volunteer, / Who eats his soup with conscience clear; / Who never runs-- except for meals; / who ne'er the pangs of hunger feels-- /And believes in fighting there's no good, / Unless his belly's full of food. / See him; beside that iron pot; / He longs for me to shar his let, / And I, alas, can not go., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A frowning woman casts a shadow that resembles the Devil., Text: No meek exterior shall hide / The Pharisaic soul of pride: / Hypocrite -- turn thine eyes within, / Nor longer look abroad for sin., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union officer stands at a bar and holds a large tankard of beer. The valentine criticizes military recruiters who get men drunk so that they will enlist., Text: You're not a fascinating creature, / Either in manners, form or feature, / Neither your own mug, quaint and queer, / Nor that o'erflowing mug of beer, / Would tempt me, sir, were I a gent, / To join your rowdy regiment. / Don't try with drink to catch recruits, / Our army needs good men, not brutes-- / Men who love order and the laws, / Whose hearts are in their country's cause, / Whose nerves are strong, whose heads are clear, / Whose courage is not born of beer., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier reads a copy of "Hardee's Tactics," a manual popular during the Civil War. His uniform is patched, and he has sideburns and facial hair stubble. "Burnside" refers to Union General Ambrose Burnside, whose style of facial hair came to be known as sideburns., Text: Be dad, and I'm after an officer's place, / And I think I am just the bold boy, / That can show old Burnside the way to advance, / And give the whole country much joy., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Burnside, Ambrose Everett, 1824-1881., Provenance: Hardee, William Joseph, 1815-1873. Rifle and light infantry tactics
The trooper [i.e., cavalry soldier] kneels before a young woman who is crying. He wears a blue Union uniform, and his hat and gloves lie on the ground before him. Sitting on his spurs, the trooper appears pained. The text and image suggest that the trooper has no interest in the woman's feelings, and is concerned only with his immediate physical discomfort., Text: Ah! what is the matter, my trooper so gay, / While to this young lass you are kneeling? / Your head, it is soft-- as for heart you have none, / Your butt alone seems to have feeling., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Confederate soldier kneels before a Union soldier and begs for mercy by saying "Qua-rrter." Two swords lie near him. The "neck-tie made of hemp" means a rope for hanging and suggests that recipient deserves death instead of a sentimental token., Text: To trample on "our dear Old Flag", / You rashly did attempt; / The Valentine most met for you, / Is a Neck-tie made of Hemp., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two men stand in front of a staircase. Above it are signs that read "Saloon/ Wines" and "Clam Soup." One man has his hand on the other's back., Text: Where're you are met, in tavern or street, / You're waiting to see if some one will treat; / You'll ask friends to drink, and then walk away, / And leave them behind for the liquor to pay., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The disagreeable man frowns and has a creased face., Text: A proverb that I often hear, / Most truthfully to you applies; / Let's whisper it into your ear -- / 'Tis, "Vineagar never catches flies.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman walks her small black dog. She wears an ornate gown, a flowered bonnet, and eyeglasses., Text: With the most ugly of all faces, Go on, and mimic all the graces: / How can you think, when in the street, The laughing, giggling men you meet, / That every laugh is but a smile, And that they love you all the while? / Good-bye, old maid-- without a clog, Go through the mud-heaps with your dog; / I don't know which I like the least, You or your dirty little beast., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier stands behind a tree while other soldiers fight in the background. The valentine mocks the cowardice of soldiers who buy their commissions., Text: Charge boys, charge, while I stand behind a tree; / The fighting is for you, and it's left for me to see. / I suppose you will ask me how I got my position, / I hauled out my money and paid for my commission., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man is seated in a cart pulled by a running horse. Two ships are in the background, one with a steam engine, and one with masts and sails. The valentine implies that the recipient presses the sender to engage in premarital sex. The sender rejects him because she does not believe he will marry her., Text: G'lang ole hoss -- high up, my spunky one! / Show 'em you'll do it -- can't you, though -- get on! / Allow me, sir, to interrupt you, -- do: / And, as you are, I will be EXPRESS, too; / I can't be pressed to favor your address, / And trust you'll make your pressing suit EX-PRESS., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The merchant sits on a counter with knees twisted over his arms. A sign behind him reads "LINEN DIAPER." The sender mocks the recipient's misguided assumption that women find him attractive., Text: You pert Counter-jumper, with sick'ning grimace / You smile, smirk, and simper your meaningless face / You think yourself killing-- perhaps it is true, man, / For you'd be the death of a sensible woman. / Oh, yes! you're a Cupid, or think yourself so, / The counter your fortress, the yardstick your bow; / But I'd have you know, my impertinent spark, / You have shot all your arrows quite wide of the mark., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
An unwashed woman stands amongst animals, including a nursing dog and a cat who has killed a chicken. In the text, "slut" means "messy.", Text: One animal there is, always in disgrace, / Who cannot look you squarely in the face. / One class of women. too, ought to be cut, / And you are one of them I mean, a slut. / In this there's truth in every line, / And more than that, I'll find another. / Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in a gown smiles. The valentine mocks her brazeness and suggests that she unsuccessfully uses it to hide her lack of intelligence and feeling., Text: Your knowing wink and brazen stare, / Are just the signs that do declare, / (Howe'er you think conceal'd by art,) / An empty head and callous heart., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sits at a work bench with sheers and a bolt of blue fabric on it. Vests hang on a clothes line behind her., Text: Put away your sheep-face, wench, / You're only suited for the bench; / The ill-shap'd form resembles thee, / Such nondescripts don't do for me. / Such vests as you pretend to make. / What gent would wear, for Heaven's sake? / Go, go, you remnant, mend you ways, / And think no more of brighter days., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier holds a sword in his hand. His hat is decorated with two figures. Behind him is a dead body with detached legs., Text: O thou, man of fame and slaughter, / You cannot have my mother's daughter; / You are the man, I most could bet, / That went away from poor Jeanette. / What's the use of that long sword to you? / Void of courage to run an enemy through, / Or even a bull-frog to attack a rush, / Thou art no soldier, but a man of mush., Cf. Valentine 10.14., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sews a cap. Her face is large, and the shading around her mouth appears to be facial hair. The valentine mocks her for gossiping and trying to appear richer than she is., Text: You nasty thing, think any chap / Would woo the stitcher of a cap? / You walk down town, (and such a caper!) / With dinner tied up in a newspaper? / To make folks believe you've been shopping, / In buying shoes or a pair of stockings, / Your figure's bad and when at your labors, / You talk too much about your neighbors., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier stands at a bar drinking a tankard of beer. A sign behind him reads, "Wanted Recruits for the Army." The valentine mocks the recruiting officer for using alcohol to recruit unfit men., Text: Gentility, neatness and courage / In a warrior I hold to be dear / But uniform don't make the soldier / Nor a coward get courage from Beer., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
An overweight child holds a doll and a stick., Text: Doting parient [i.e. parent] -- I thought that maybe / You'd like a portrait of your baby; / If so, just look above you'll find / A dogrotype, by----- Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The rum seller stands at a bar and holds a decanter and a glass. He smiles, and a man smiles in the background. "Tin" is slang for "money.", Text: With a gay smiling face, or, with a sly wink. / Always ready to deal out something to drink; / Smashes, cocktails, and juleps, rum, brandy or gin; / It's no matter what, you want only the tin., Cf. Valentine 9.16, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The man wears a blue Union coat with tails and a top hat that he tips forward; his clothing matches Union uniforms in color but not style. He holds a large rifle with a bayonet. The sender suggests that the recipient uses false stories of military glory to attract a wife., Text: Ladies, I learned to bow this way / A dodging rebel swells; / I am a soldier brave and gay, / A favorite with the belles, / If you're for Union-- 'to a man.' / Why, we'll enlist, as soon as we can., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier plays cards with another man. The soldier holds up a bandaged finger, and behind him is a bar with a sign that reads "Lager." The text suggests that the soldier's injury is minor and he's using it as an excuse to avoid fighting., Text: Soldier, O Soldier! what brought you home so soon? / Can you spend your time not better than in a gambling saloon? / To Skedaddle for the wound that on your finger you've got, / Is the excuse of a coward, and you may go to pot.. / For sooner than be the Valentine of such a cowardly elf, / I'd go and face the enemy, were I sure to be shot myself., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier stands near a doorway and observes his wife changing his child's diaper. The valentine suggests that the realities of domestic life are shocking after military service., Text: Your time is up and you have come, / With blast of bugle -- roll of drum, / What meets your gaze? your tidy wife, / And the stern realities of life., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The barber attends a seated goat. He holds a large razor that he has positioned to shave the goat's beard., Text: Conceited, chattering, shallow brain, Whose life's all cut and come again,/ Whose razor's keen, whose wit is full, Half breed between ape and fool : / Such a drivelling fop should ne'er Get up my front, or part my hair; / And as to love, I never can Consent to have a BARBER-OUS man., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Confederate soldier runs away from bullets and cannonballs. He has a fearful expression. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory in 1863., Text: You doubtless think that prudence is a virtue, / And therefore dangerous favors you decline. / Run swiftly when you fear that aught will hurt you. / But never hope to be my Valentine., "12", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a fashionably dressed man who grins and holds his hand to his mouth., Text: My innocent young man, My pretty little fellow, / You'll never catch a wife. You are too soft and [mellow?]., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The bricklayer applies mortar to a brick and stands behind a brick wall., Text: You're a very nice fellow, no doubt, / To lay up the wall of a cellar; / If it rained very hard I'd not pout, / Should you offer to hold my umbrella. / But I don't think that mortar could stick / Your heart or your hand unto mine; / 'Twould be laying it on rather thick, / To call you my own Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
