A man stands inside a room with a heart-shaped padlock over the fly of his pants. His wife is peering around the door. The valentine suggests that his wife locks him up to prevent him from seeing other women., Text: Soft headed self loving rake, / This the precaution I would take, / To bind you fast, and keep you true, / If I were wedded unto you. / For if you’d follow every bonnet, / Your TRUNK must have a lock upon it. / So know your fate if you’d be mine, / To padlock’d be, my Valentine., "No. 3", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A stablehand wears patched trousers and smokes a pipe. He carries a broom and is sweeping up after a horse. A pitchfork leans against the wall behind him., Text: Ugliest of the ostler crew, / Why do you make so much ado, / About the stable as you rush / Armed with curry-comb and brush? / The horses tremble with affright / When you approach them, day or night., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A poulterer stands behind a counter with a fowl in his hand and smiles. The valentine suggests that although he can be ingratiating, he is not trustworthy., Text: Stands the Poulterer pert and sly, / Madam, pray step in and buy; / Ah! Buy indeed, to buy and rue, / Would be to buy a goose like you; / Never, by cock and hen, I swear, / Shall you be mine, unpolished bear., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man is holding a large barrel. His half closed eyes, unsteady posture, and broad grin suggest he may be drunk. A woman stands behind the counter, which has a pawnbroker's symbol on it., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with an oversized head leans over a smaller man with her index finger raised in the air. Her mouth is open and her tongue is out. The man has a papers labeled "Tracts" in his pocket and a book labeled "Bible" has fallen on the floor. The valentine criticizes her for exhausting others and monopolizing the preacher's attention., Text: ‘Tis said you loved a Parson, / And he was short of breath; / You cornered him so well one day / You talked him right to death. / Now, when they hear you’re coming, / It makes them wince and frown; / The seek the nearest depot, / And take the train from town. / I pray thee stop, and have some pity, / Or we won’t have a preacher in the city., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A teamster is seated on his box and holds the reins and a whip. He is smoking a pipe. The valentine accuses him of being overly reckless., Text: As a teamster you’re putting yourself on such a high air, / You are a team in yourself, and a donkey to spare; / Like a show-man’s vain monkey you sit on the seat, / And run smash and bang ‘gainst all things on the street; / A team of blind horses could better go through / And come off more safe from a smash-up than you., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands behind a counter wearing an apron, with his hands in his pockets. On the other side of the conter another man holds upa set of balances and says "False, Sir.", Text: Tho’ in butter cheese, and such as these / You deal, your CONDUCT’s not the CHEESE / They say the buyer never fail / To find ‘gainst him you turn the scale. / By such tricks you rob the poor, / Untill the jury at your door, / Finds you out and prove too late, / We cannot trust a man of WEIGHT. / Measures not men’s a motto fine, / Then an honest! Thief shall ne’er be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
portly man is sleeping in a chair. A woman observes him from a window and says "I wish the lazy beast would wake.", Text: Tho’ you are PORTER, clumsy calf, / You shall not make me half and half / And fond of sleeping as you be, / No SLEEPING PARTNER find in me; / Short-winded, bloated, lazy elf / With care for no one but yourself; / Ne’er think to mate in wedlock sweet, / For you could not make BOTH ENDS MEET., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A young woman in a gown holds a bouquet of flowers., Text: Thou languishing young lady bird, / Thou angel quite untainted, / With ruby lips and well formed hips, / Pray tell me – are you painted! / You’re uglier than the Gorgon, / That hightoned folks to stone, / I little thought my darling, / Such a beauty you’d have grown., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two tailor's dummies have bustles, wigs and other accessories attached to them. The valentine suggests that these accessories will not help the recipient find love., Text: ‘Tis all in vain your simpering looks, / You never can incline, / With all your bustles, stays, and curls, / To find a Valentine., Text: Lloyd, 17, Bellebury Square, Fleet street, 415, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a frock coat plays the violin., Text: ‘Tis by your Music, you’re anxious to try / With dulcet like notes, my poor heart to decoy / But Sir you’ve quite fail’d that object to gain / Your chords are all discord, I listen with pain, / As for your looks too, be candid I must / When I see you I turn from the sight with disgust., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A bartender wears an apron and rolled-up shirtsleeves. He pours a beer from a tap and appears to be dancing. The sender rejects him because she does not consider him cultivated enough for her., Text: Oh! Mr. Barman, / you never will be, / The cultivated kind of man / to marry me., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The literary woman sits at a table. She writes with a quill, and with her other hand she cradles her head, her elbow resting on a book. The trashcan is filled with yellow pieces of paper. "Blue stocking" is a term for women intellectuals that was often derogatory. The valentines criticizes women writers for lacking sufficient maternal desires and characterizes them as frightening and unattractive. Cf. Diogenes, hys lantern, v. 2 (1852), p. 128., Text: If there e'er was a woman that frightened me quite, / A Blue-stocking 'twould be, who had talent to write, / Who'd much rather spend her time writing a yarn, / Than teaching her children, their stockings to darn., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a man standing in profile; his shadow resembles a goose., Text: Oh! pray great Good, and silly elf, / Go from my sight, and hide yourself. / 'Mongst christains [i.e., christians], surely is no place / For a thing, with such a face. / A goose like you must live alone, / No Duck will ever be your own., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with a large nose and oversized tongue gossips with a neighbor over a wall., Text: You ugly, low, and artful wretch, / With lies upon your tongue, / I wish that you and all your tribe / Were in a kennel flung., Lloyd, 12, Salisbury –square, Fleet-street. 268, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A naked baby sits on pillow. He holds a piece of cloth and his mouth and has large eyes., Text: Pick him up and walk the floor, / Twenty times a night or more ; / If he was mine, I’ll tell you what, / I’d pitch him out into the lot. / He’s got his mamma’s ogling eyes -- / He’s got his papa’s yellow tint -- / He hasn’t got a nose at all -- / And jingo! How the brat does squint. / Swing your leg, and give him a lift, / I wouldn’t have him for a gift., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A worker wearing a hat and apron hold a piece fo cloth on a stick above a dyeing vat. The sender rejects the recipient because of his lowly occupation., Text: Your person reminds me of some ugly Cub / Therefore I advise you to stick to your tub/ If by Dying you live pray sir don’t die for me, / For my heart’s not engaged yet nor likely to be., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man has a stringed instrument for a body. The valentine compares him to a broken fiddle., Text: Your soul is in a fiddle-case, / Yourself a half-cracked fiddle; / To find your beauty, sense, or wit, / Would be a monstrous riddle., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man wearing a top hat, frock coat and gloves carries a cane. The valentine suggests that his attention to dress does not succeed in making him attractive., Text: You’re a gentleman true, but you never will do. / Such a long and lean foundry old poker as you; / By the impudent stare, I can vow and declare, / You look like a Smike, and VAGABOND TOO., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing bloomers rides a bicycle. She has a wide grin and several missing teeth. The valentine mocks her good humor and compares her to monkeys and donkeys and plays on the word "asinine.", Text: Oh, dear, what a sweet little creature! / Who can deny that you shine? / There’s not face in the cage of the monkeys, / At the Zoo, can compare with thine; / And so bright you are! And so witty! / To list’ to your merry “tee-hee,”/ Makes one think of some happy young donkey / Indulging in asinine glee., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with glasses and a bun is sewing bonnets. The valentine suggests she is unattractive to suitors and will be an old maid, so she should focus on her millinery., Text: Miss bonnet-builder, such a guy I never saw before, / Your bonny hair is a knob behind, your nose a knob before, / That your head’s a bonnet-block that of it maybe said, / Who would ever have a Valentine that is a blockhead, / So drop the thoughts of Valentines and attends to bonnet shapes, / For you are built for an old maid, in future to lead apes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wearing a cloak and bonnet holds at lamppost for support. Her mouth is open and she appears drunk. A sign on the wall behind her says "Gin." The Valentine faults her for her drunkenness., Text: Hic, -- hic, --hic, --drink is your soul's delight, / And your only Valentine, / Go, you drunken wretch, steep your brain in Alcohol, / You never shall be mine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A coachmen wearing a top hat opens the door of a carriage., Text: When I’m stuck behind the Carriage, / With my cockade on my hat, / The servant maids, I hear them / Say, a nice young man is that., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with muttonchops looks in a mirror and sees a donkey., Text: Who foolishly regards himself / A handsome man, / Take yonder mirror off the shelf, / And admire your portrait if you can., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man holds a child and a soiled cloth. A woman from behind a curtain asks, "Haven't you changed tha child yet?" The man replies, "Yes my love, and now he wants his chair." The valentine mocks him for being ordered around by his wife and makes use of scatological humor., Text: Why you silly mawkish dandle / Type of henpeck’d Mr. Candle, /Who at spousy’s angry word / Tho’ not dead will be in-terred (turd,) /And like a sailor in a sloop, / Will find a place upon the poop, /Do you think I would incline, / To choose a stinking Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing a large and elaborate skirt sticks her nose in the air and carries a comically small parasol. The valentine chides her for having an inflated opinion of her own beauty and style., Text: You think, no doubt, you walk with grace, / With bustle of the largest space, / Covered with yards of costly lace. / And every time we chance to meet, / At party, theatre, or street, / You look so very sugar-sweet / But one who wears a dress so / Shall never be a wife of mine, / So seek another Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wearing a apron carries a full tray. "I declare I am quite the Slave of the Ring," reads a speech bubble., Text: You think no doubt you’re quite the style / When you put on that silly smile, / But no one likes such affectation / From one in a servant’s situation / You give yourself too many airs / your proper place should be downstairs / To skim the pot and make the gravy / For after all you’re but a slavey. / To your tea and coffee I don’t incline / So goodbye my waiting Valentine., 145, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A policeman in uniform holds a lantern in his hand. The valentine suggests that he takes advantage of the benefits of his position and shies away from the responsibilities., Text: If the right one’s a strong ‘un, / You collar the wrong ‘un, / It’s one of the tricks of the trade. / All the members / Of the force, / Have a watch / and chain, of course. /You’re the biggest fraud in the force, / and with your lantern in your hand, / You frighten all the kids / and rob every costers stand, /You sample the gin at the corners, / till your nose is as red as a beet, / And if they come down with the tanners, / you wink at the rascals who cheat, / You are after all the cookies, / like any love sick chick, / And when there’s a row a brewing / you scamper away mighty quick., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Two women gossip over a wall., Text: Think not, Miss Tittle tattle, to impart / One ray of pure affection to my heart, / A wedding ring from me no one shall handle, / Whose sole delight is gossiping and scandal! / You stupid minx, you mischief-making slut, / Your silly head you in a bag may put, / For as a wife you never sure will shine, -- / You’ll ne’er be chosen for a Valentine., Lloyd, signed by Pickering, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A bricklayer climbs a ladder and carries his hod on his shoulder. The valentine chides him for being slow at his work., Text: Like an ape dressed in breeches / you creep up the wall, / Or like a slow tumble bug / pushing his ball, / If anyone calls you to hurry up quick, / You are down upon them, / ‘like a 1000 of bricks,” / You think you’re a brick, / but you’re but a brick bat, / With mud in your hod / and with bricks in your hat., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A shopkeeper stands behind a counter with his hands in his pockets. Across the counter a customer observes the scales and says "False, sir." The valentine accuses the recipient of cheating his customers., Text: You call yourself a business man, / But you cheat the public when you can, / In all your goods, short weight you give, / And rob the poor, yourself to live., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A waiter carries a large stack of plates. He has a cloth falling out of his pocket. A small dog is in his path., Text: With slomickey shoes upon your feet, / And greasy rag upon your arm, / You slop the hairy hash about, / And spill the gravy to a charm. / And when at noon you sometimes try, / To carry twenty plates or more; / With what a clatter then you drop, / The knives and forks upon the floor., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A waiting maid carries a full platter. A speech bubble says "I declare I am quite the slave of the ring.", Tetx: Who meets you in your blundering way, / Will wish the “Deuce” was in your “Tray,’ / And as a waiting maid you be, / Why you are “made” to “wait” for me., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man stands in a garden smoking a cigarette or cigar. He wears a top hat, glasses, and patterned trousers. He also has a moustache and muttonchops. The valentine chides him for focusing too much on dress and following fads., Text: To be out of fashion is to be out of the world, ‘tis said, / So you adopt the jacket, smoke, and are by fashion led, / In fashion, if you will waste your thread of life, / No Woman of sense, will ever become your Wife., Cf. Valenitne 16.42, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man walks and smokes a cigar. He carries an umbrella and wears a top hat. The valentine criticizes him for caring too much about following fashions., Text: To be out of fashion is to be out of the world, ‘tis said, / So you adopt the jacket, smoke, and are by fashion led, / In fashion, if you will waste your thread of life, / No Woman of sense, will ever become your Wife., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with a long nose holds a bonnet. Other millinery articles sit on a table behind her and a piar of scissors hangs from her waist., Text: Ugliest of the fair creation, / With lips that are not red but blue; / And face devoid of animation, / Take me for your lover true., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with long hair is seated and playing the violin., Text: A crochet from a quaver you scarcely know, / And yet eternally you are drawing your bow; / Next to a trombone a fiddle I despise, / Why you try either I cannot well surmise., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with simian features kneels in the grass and smokes a cigar., Text: Here your portrait you may see, / Drawn as like as like can be, / Your features coarse, your frightful shape, / You may behold, you ugly ape! / A glance from you, you horrid churl, / The life would frighten from any girl., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
Text: What, my chap about town! I certainly thinks, / That the vulgate, ex-homo, a fellow who stinks, / And the heat that we know, of so filthy a spark, / The nuisance is traced, in the twilight—or dark., Published by A. Park, 47, Leonard Street, Finsbury, London, 171, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: My country chuck, go turn your hay, / And do not put me in a splutter, / By asking me to go away / With you, to make your cheese and butter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a large hoop skirt, a cape, and a feathered hat, and carries a parasol and small bag. The sender suggests that such attention to appearances will not make up for the recipient's personal defects., Text: With a fine hat and painted face, / Leading a life of gay disgrace, / Don’t think that wearing such a hat, / Will aid you to catch a flat, / Your false hair is nicely braided, / Your infamy well paraded., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman is looking in a mirror. The reflection shows a cat's face. "What a reflexion!" appears in a speech balloon above her head., Text: With sweet talking, smiling, singing, / A Bean to catch yourself prepare; / Yet no such fool was ever living, / Who cannot see that you ensnare., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman in mourning clothings hold a handkerchief to her eyes and smiles. She gestures to a sign on the wall behind her thats reads "A Bargain Second Hand to be Disposed of". Another sign on the wall reads "To Let". The valentine suggests she is looking for a new husband immediately after being widowed., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A man carries a yoke with two buckets. One is labelled chalk and the other water. Milk means to take undue profit and the use of "cream" and "surface" suggest that the milkman is cheating his customers by adulterating his product so that it looks like milk., Text: Bawling about the streets you go, / With noisy cry of milk Be—low, / BE-LOW indeed the MILK must be, / We none upon the SURFACE see, / For it is plain you never fail / To milk the cow with the iron tail. / Of all the MILKMEN I have seen, / Of roguery you are the CREAM., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
An unkempt woman leans against a post and drinks from a bottle of liquor., Text: Begone, you dirty drunken jade, / And feed along with swine, / For none but a pig would have you / To be his Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
