A fashionably dressed man holds a cane and smokes a cigar. His bulging midsection and puffy face underscore the text's suggestion that as a "Bloat" and "Wind-bag" he lacks substance., Text: You swagger round, you Wind-bag, / As if you owned the Earth, / But your would-be lordly bearing / Awakens only mirth. / No man who comes across you / Ever fails at once to note, / That in spite of all your blather, / You are just a great big Bloat., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A blacksmith stands at his anvil, using a hammer and tongs. His face is dirty and he is smoking a pipe. The valentine suggests that the smith's trade will prepare him for Hell in the afterlife., Text: A sketch of your visage, so ugly and cross, / Here behold, Mr. Blacksmith, of botches the Boss. / It can’t be disputed a wise choice you made, / When you took for a calling your black, sooty trade ; / For ‘tis well ere you die to get used to things hot, / In view of what surely will then be your lot., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A portly woman smiles vacantly and holds a bottle of liquor. The valentine suggests that her consumption of alcohol has permanently rendered her unattractive., Text: O! Whisky is your souls delight / Your only Valentine. / Go steep your brains in alcohol. / You never shall be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in his night clothes carries a musket and a candle. He holds the candle up to shed light on a man who is hiding in the fireplace. In the background, his wife looks out from behind the door. The text suggests that if the lover continues his behavior, another husband will shoot him., Text: You are an ill conditioned sneak, / U[pon] every amourous freak, / For you have spent your wretched life / In seeking some one else's wife; / Behold what perhap may be your fate, / Carrying on at this sad rate; / Some angry husband may discover, / And blow out your brains my general lover., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two moustached men are shown with identical top hats, canes, and cigars. The man on the left is how he sees himself, the man on the right is how others see him. The text suggests that by drawing attention to himself with fine clothes, he seems even more ridiculous., Text: Upon the left we here portry / The way you think you look, you jay, / While there is shown upon the right / Your aspect in the public's sight. / You see the difference is not small / And if you'd any sense at all, / You would be careful not to wear / So pompous and absurd an air., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The ugly hatter stands at a table ironing top hats. "Gossamer" refers to the shellacked muslin pieces that shaped silk hats. "Swipes" is slang for copious drinking, and "logwood" is a type of dye. "Judy" is slang for a ridiculous woman, and the sender suggests that the recipient could only marry such a woman., Text: Ah! now I well know what it was that I smelt, / It was the bottle-nosed, rabbit-mouthed dealer in felt. / Mother Judy might marry such a fellow, but I-- / Detest such a dabbler in logwood and dye, / Though your head is so big-- 'tis of gossamer rig-- / All bloated and puffed, like a measly pig, / Beastly swiller of swipes-- what a picture is thine-- / Bad luck to the girl who is your Valentine., See similar print, A Hatter, Comic Valentines, 4.40, Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A jockey stands at a bar drinking from a beer tankard with a dog standing attentively at his side. In the background, a bartender stands behind the bar across from a woman who grins and holds a glass., Text: Alas, poor man, thy suit of plush, / Has fairly turned thy brain I ween, / But if thou art a man, Oh! blush, / To be a thing so very mean, / Oh! Jockey of the spotless clothes, / Oh! Jockey of the gundy plush, / Oh! Jockey with the turn up nose, / I pity thee and for thee blush., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
The carriage driver has a large nose, a beard and curly hair. He holds a horse whip and a woman watches him from a window in the background. "Shoful" is slang for questionable., Text: Although you drive a Hansom, a handsome driver you are not, / For your looks are very "shoful," and your's is a shabby lot; / So drive away dear Cabby, and don't cast sheep's eyes at me, For I like a smarter chap than you -- your "fair" I'll never be, Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A peddler stands between a fence and a wooden stand. Over his ahoulder is a strap carrying mugs, which are also hanging from the fence and stand., Text: Awkward, clumsy, bawling brute, / How well you with your CALLING suit, / For as about the streets you shout, / Each servant girl on looking out / Exclaims "just hear that fellow, : / To bring the Pot unto his call; / Why what a cheek the fellow's got, / He's only fit to go to Pot., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A baker stands in front of his oven. He is smoking a pipe and his shovel leans on the wall next to him., Text: The bread that you bake is not fit for a dog, / Your pies and your cake would sicken a hog; / Sawdust-flour you use, rancid butter and lard, / For such practice you ought to be feathered and tarred, / Or else to be taken and baked in your oven -- / You dirty old cheat, and rascal, and sloven., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A baker in a paper hat is putting a pie into an oven. His shoe has split open and his red nose, combined with the word "sodden," imply that he is drunk while on the job., Text: What! Buy of you! Your senseless grin / Would sour all your pies, / And not a loaf, poor, sodden oaf, / But would smatter of your lies. / Heavy as lead, your lightest bread, / Cakes, buns, and buscuits, all; / Smash your paper cap on your grinning head, / And into your oven crawl!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: Blundering little hussy, who can never move about, / But furniture and tea trays are all put to the rout ; / It's all your foolish vanity because you wil be seen, / When about your work, dressed in a crinoline : / Pray leave off your hoops and gain a little sense, / And then to gain a husband you may make some pretence., "No. 186", Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man is painting a sign with a large brush. The sign is untidily painted and the man is spilling paint from the pan he holds. This, combined with the pipe he is smoking and the patches on his pants, suggest his work is generally slipshod., Text: You wretched, worthless bungler, to see you try to paint, / I'm sure would spoil the temper of even a first-class saint, / For you cannot lay a color, and the letters you design, / Look like a lot of scare-crows drawn up in a line ; / You're a dirty, mussy dauber, without a bit of taste, / And a building with a sign of yours is thoroughly defaced., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A tailor sits cross-legged, sewing a button onto a pair of pants. The tailor is smoking a pipe and a half-empty mug of beer sits next to him. On the wall behind him, "Old Misfit" and "Shoddy Suits Made to Order" suggest that the quality of his work is poor., Text: You cross-legged sinner, you botchy old beat, / All that you care for's to cozen and cheat, / Your cloth is all shoddy, and your sewing is such / That the clothes comes to pieces almost at a touch ; / The buttons fall off, the colors all fade, / And only fools, more than once, with you would trade., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with an oversized bald head smiles broadly. The text indicates that his baldness is an outward sign of his inner deficiencies., Text: You have got a great big head, but it’s only filled with air. / It hasn’t enough of substance to produce a growth of hair. / You’ve got a smile upon your face, but we have heard before, / You get it from a bottle when you sneak behind the door. / You’re only an old milk sop, and of either sense or wit, / No one will e’er accuse you of having the smallest bit., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A butcher with a moustache stands with cleaver in hand. Two cats hang from hooks under the words "Cats wanted.", Text: Go! slaughterer of stolen cats, / And shave the moustache from thy lip -- / Thy sausages are made from rats, / Thy cutlets worse than any chip, / Thy steaks defy the strongest jaws, / Thy mutton comes from aged rams, / Thy pork defies the sharpest saws, / And tainted are thy sugared hams. / Repent, ere yet it is too late, / Or you may butcher for the State., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A driver who has falled from his cart sits on the ground. His hat has fallen off, he has dropped his whip, and his clothes are torn at the knees and elbows. His horse is running away with the cart int he distance and the boxes of cargo have fallen off. The text indicates that he is careless because he drinks too much., Text: You stupid old donkey, just from the bogs, / You’re only fit to drive, a drove of western hogs, / You always are loaded, and so much more of late, / That your tongue seems a brick and you cannot see straight, / Your horses get scared – for their blinders don’t blind them, / When they see such a sot, on the truck-load behind them., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A chambermaid holds a candle and shows a room to a man. The text suggests that she is promiscuous., Text: A chambermaid! Pray what’s the use, / Of such a giggling, silly goose? / Whose chief employment, so ‘tis said, / Is showing folks the way to bed!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A female domestic servant peers over a wall and gossips with another servant. A magpie in the background emphasizes the irritating nature of the servants' chatter and suggests that, like the magpie, the servants may also be thieves. Spleen refers to anger or a foul mood. Hecate is a Greek goddess associated with magic and crossroads and is often depicted as a hag or crone., Text: A chattering magpie is a hateful creature, / With spleen and malice marked in every feature, / Forever gossiping with thy hateful crew, / I’d sooner wed old Hecate than love you., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A coachman sits on his box. He wear a feathered top-hat, an elaborate buttoned coat, and mutton-chops. The valentine suggests that no one will take his pretension seriously., Text: What an arrogant air, / What a cockneyfied stare / You try to put on, you comical monkey! / Can it be you expect / Anyone to respect / Such a paltry, contemptible flunkey?, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A bent-backed carpenter is using a plane. His pants are mended with a patch and his nose is red and dripping. A saw, chisel, hammer and other tools are on the floor of his shop., Text: Come, stand erect and plain away, my beau of sawdust, chips and shavings, / St. Valentine’s, that happy day, is hastening round to ease your ravings; / Then don’t be downcast, see above, a sketch I’ve made of your sweet features / Then come and wed, with love for love, we’ll prove to all, we’re Cupid’s Creatures., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A thin man in top hat with a dripping nose drinks from a teapot. On the left, two rows of casks containing liquour are smiling. One of the casks is labeled "Uncle Tom." On the right, a water pump is depicted with a mournful face, since the drunkard prefers liquor to water. The text suggests that no woman would take a proposal from him seriously, since he is unable to provide even for her basic needs., Text: You drink so much that it is plain / You must have water on the brain, / Dost think that any girl would jump / At offer coming from a Pump, / Or that thou ought thou man of water / To have a wife, who can't sup-porter., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with a grotesquely large nose holds a baby and is accompanied by a small boy. The text suggests that since her large nose and head repel any possible suitors, she must content herself with caring for these children., Text: You looking for a Valentine, whoever would suppose, / You'd ever get a Valentine with such a head and nose, / You'd best stick to the nursery, and the children dandle, / Such a head and nose serves well for a handle; / You've got two kids already, therefore contented be, / I assure you for a Valentine you never will kid me., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: You looking for a Valentine, whoever would suppose / You'd ever get a valentine with such a head and nose, / You'd best stick to the nursery, and the children dandle, / Such a head and nose serves well for a handle; / You've got two kids already, therefore contented be, / I assure you for a Valentine you never will kid me., See similar print "You looking for", Comic Valentines, 17.8, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with exaggeratedly large lips sits with a screaming child on her knee. Both she and the child wear large feathered hats., Text: You nasty, drunken, stupid cat, / Likewise your frightful squalling brat, / Are both so ugly that 'tis vain / Your various features to explain! / Your lips are nothing else but good 'uns, / Exactly like two large black puddings; / Nature, you've no cause to thank it / For eyes like burnt holes in a blanket; / In short, devoid of bow or feather, / You are a beauty all together., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman with elaborately done hair stands behind a counter. The counter and the shelf behind her are covered with pastries and other delicacies and she holds a glass in her hand. The text implies that both she and the customers she serves have inflated opinions of themselves, and that she will be unsuccessful in finding a husband through overt flirting with customers., Text: You, no doubt, think you're very fine, / As you hand the swells a glass of wine, / Your hair done in the fashion, with curls hung down your back, / I'm sure you're boldness would not the courage lack, / To ask some one to take you to be their Valentine, / But stick to your refreshment stall for you never will be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman with elaborately done hair stands behind a counter. The counter and the shelf behind her are covered with pastries and other delicacies and she holds a glass in her hand. The text implies that both she and the customers she serves have inflated opinions of themselves, and that she will be unsuccessful in finding a husband through overt flirting with customers., Text: You, no doubt, think you're very fine, / As you hand the swells a glass of wine, / Your hair done in the fashion, with curls hung down your back, / I'm sure you're boldness would not the courage lack, / To ask some one to take you to be their Valentine, / But stick to your refreshment stall for you never will be mine., See similar print, "You, no doubt,", Comic Valentines, 17.11, Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man sits at a desk, writing with a quill pen. His eyes are closed and his nose has fallen into his inkpot, suggesting his work is exhausting., Text: You poor pen driver, with your inky fingers, / Constant drudgery still o'er you lingers, / The plan of your future I plainly can see, / A slave to your books and bottle you'll be., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man with a monocle and a whip stands in front of a wall. He has antlers protruding from his head., Text: You queer looking fellow, you ill looking brute, / You never will me for a valentine suit, / And if for a husband I ever should take thee / This is the figure I'd certainly make ye., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a coat and top hat and bear are separated by bars. The man's head is turned away from the bear and the bear is looking at the man. The text characterizes the man as having dangerous animal qualities, and the placement of the two figures poses the question of who is really the beast in a cage., Text: A Bear, what is it but a surly brute? / A pest to women, above dispute, / A surly brute are you, none can deny, / Also a nuisance to society, / Therefore, old Growler, I do decline / To Bruin be a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A man in a coat and top hat and bear are separated by bars. The man's head is turned away from the bear and the bear is looking at the man. The text characterizes the man as having dangerous animal qualities, and the placement of the two figures poses the question of who is really the beast in a cage., Text: A Bear, what is it but a surly brute? / A pestto women, above dispute, / A surly brute are you, none can deny, / Also a nuisance to society, / Therefore, old Growler, I do decline / To Bruin be a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
A woman wears an elaborate crinoline, shawl and wide-brimmed hat. The hat partially conceals a sheep's head. The valentine suggests a person who does not dress age-appropriately is deceitful. Hecate is a Greek goddess assocaited with magic and crossroads, and is often represented as a hag or a crone., Text: There we see an old ewe, yet more like a ram, / Though a fifty-year old, she’s dressed like a lamb, / Both toothless and ugly, and snafty and base, / Yet she tries to look sheepish, and soft in the face. / Dress on, Mother Hecate, your stiff crinoline, / Floats flauntingly free, abroad in the wind, / But the looks that you give, and the fashions you wear, / Bids all of good sense and of manners beware., Provenance: Helfand, William H..
The valentine depicts a woman in a booth labeled "Vote the Ladies Union Ticket." The woman inside of the booth reaches out to a hesitant man. The text and image criticize woman's rights advocates for not recognizing their proper places and suggests that such women are not desirable sexually or socially. The woman appears to be wearing a bustle; bustles became popular after 1869., Text: Among the women who in history brightest have shone / Are those who have left the men's affairs alone, / Who in their homes have found their proper places, / And sought not in crowds to show their faces; / We see you seek a different line-- / You are too bold to be my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears plaid breeches, smokes a cigarette, and looks in the mirror., Text: Wearing the breeches, wearing the breeches! / Know that all our experience teaches, / A woman, forgetting what's due her sex, is / Ready for vice and all it annexes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man smokes and wears both men's and women's clothing, including a skirt, a top hat, breeches, and a coat and jacket. His has mutton chops. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches." "Guv," or govenor is slang for "boss.", Text: Some chaps are seen / For crinoline / By Nature's hand adapted; / No woman's love / To such is "guv," / Their hearts are never tapped at., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The fop wears a large, triangular frock coat, top hat, gloves, and thin trousers. His hair is curled, and he carries a switch cane., Text: A shining black hat, and glossy shirt collar, / A coat, pants and vest of cut most divine, / A little switch cane, you really would make for / Your tailor, a beautiful traveling sign., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a large woman sitting in a chair. She holds a cup near a pitcher. Her dress is hiked up to reveal her boots. The valentine condemns swearing women., Text: Horror of horrors, a foul mouth'd woman, / Shows the depth of degradation; / She should be struck from the race call'd human / And rank'd with the brute creation., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The old maid wears a yellow and red ball gown with lace gloves. She holds up her skirt to dance. She has numerous wrinkles., Text: Of all the olds maids that ever I knew, / There never was one half so jolly as you; / A mistake there has been, I am much afraid, / You ne'er were intended to be an old maid., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a man in a top hat and tails standing at a counter marked "Tailor." The valentine suggests that the dandy should amend his behavior in order to attract women., Text: Little dandy, don't suppose, / Any girl will favor / You, just for your suit of clothes, / Try--suitable behavior., "501", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The cavalry dandy has his face turned upward. His facial hair consists of sideburns and a moustache. He wears large star-shaped spurs and carries a large sword., Text: When mounded [sic] on your blooded steed, / You look both bold and fine indeed; / But when your foremost in the fray, / Be sure you do not run away., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows the Devil holding a pitchfork with a woman on the top over a fire. The devil has hairy legs, cloven feet, and four points on his head. The valentine suggests that the "old maid" is damned for failing to marry and procreate., Text: Oh! what a very sorry sight it is, / To see an aged lady still a Miss, / To know that single she must live and work, / And in the end be toasted on a fork., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in a green and red uniform looks into a tube, possibly a gun or cannon. He holds a monocle over his eye, carries a walking stick, and has long hair, suggesting that he is a dandy. The sender criticizes the recipient for posing as a soldier and suggests that he is effeminate., Text: Your swashing gate and vacant stare, / Pleased fools in times of peace, / But since afraid to go to war, / Put off the duds and cease., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in the form of a pig rides a bicycle. The valentine criticizes him for unmannerly behavior., Text: We never need / To ask your breed, / It shows so plain in word and deed, / And your face so well reveals the story ; / But when we deal / With you on a Wheel / More strongly than ever you make us feel / That here's a HOG in all his glory., Provenance: Helfand, William H.
A woman with the face of an ape hunches forward to use snuff. She has a monkey on her back. The text references the adage that a woman who does not marry leads apes into hell., Text: Snuffy, soiled, a slouchy slattern, / You've become a complete pattern; / Old and ugly, but with care, / And taking apes to ---- you know where., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a crinoline structure, bonnet, and fur cap and muff. "Bombazine" was a fabric used for mourning clothing. The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a thimble cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: Oh! it's well they become you, ma'am, / And it's well they become, ma'am; / You know what I mean, / (It isn't the crinoline, ) / Are they made of bombazine? -- / It's well they become you, ma'am!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with disheveled hair sits at a table with his chin resting on one hand. In the other hand, he holds a handkerchief., Text: O! you sigh for a wife-- how funny / No a girl must be flat indeed, / Unless you had mints of money, / To take up such a broken reed., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A seated man sews a sock by candelight., Text: This picture I send, to show you your end, / The end of not only a few-- / Old Nick I intend as your intimate friend, / For the devil serves thus such fellows as you. / Alas, you poor fool! 'tis plain to be seen / That one thus to live, indeed, 'tis a sin: / There's plenty to have you, if you only knew it, / 'Tis certain, indeed, you never would rue it., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows an old man wearing sleeping clothes and a headscarf. A bowl marked "gruel" is on the table behind him, and he stands near a pile of bedding. The term "granny" mocks the recipient for being both old and effeminate, and the sender ridicules the recipient for thinking he can find a young wife., Text: Gouty and toothless, one foot in the grave, / You would like a young wife to make her a slave; / If you've luck you may get one, and if so, so be it -- / But for me, my dear granny, I can not see it., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The bachelor walks holding a large umbrella under his arm. His nose and chin point towards a statue of a naked woman., Text: Your buttonless shirt, and ragged coat sleeves, / Proclaim you to be an old Bach; / Pray hunt up some young maid, I really believe / If you tried, you would soon make a match., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A wrinkled woman holds a parasol and tilts her head up. The sender criticizes the recipient's fear of marriage and threatens that she will be damned., Text: My wrinkled old maid, who to wed is afraid, / And therefore, unmarried will stick; / At the end of your days if you don't mend your ways, / You're sure to be caught by Old Nick., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
