A seated woman has a padlock through her mouth. The valentine suggests that the recipient's quietness will disappear when she marries. The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another thimble cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: A rare and commendable thing / Is well-affected silence, / Among the maids their wiles who bring / Our dulness to beguile hence. / Yet Paddock no control assumes, / (Experience teaches this bird), / When Wedlock or the future looms / And "Yes" has to be whispered., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two soldiers in Union uniforms are shown. One holds a rifle with bayonet and prods the other one over a fence. "Skulker" is slang for a soldier who feigns injury to avoid duty., Text: Boaster of your deeds of glory / When the shot fell far and near, / The only scar to prove your story / Is from a bayonet in the rear., Cf. 2.21., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
"Long shanks" is slang for "long legs," and the valentine mocks the recipient for his tall stature. "Barnum" refers to P.T. Barnum, the circus founder., Text: Your little bullet head, and legs so very long / Remind me very strongly of a pair of tongs; / Your shape's so very odd, you really make me laugh; / I think if Barnum had you, he would call you the Giraffe., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The woman depicted is thin, gaunt, tall, and has a pinched face. Her arms are raised. She wears a poke-bonnet and a dress with a high neckline and thin skirt., Text: "A Ball, a Ball --- an abomination!" / It's a scandal to all creation : / Now no one would take you; you groan and bawl, / And say that the Dev-l will take us all., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands next to a coffin and pulls a coin out of it and holds another behind his back., Text: You sneaking, mean, soulless knave, / You'd rob your father's new-made grave, / You'd steal an apple from a girl or boy, / Or rob a baby of its only toy. / Of all men the wide world through, / The most despicable, such as you; / You'd stoop to petty pelf, or lies, / You'd steal the cents from a dead man's eyes., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits and bounces a baby on his foot. The sender criticizes the recipient for not fighting in the Civil War and implies that his wife will cheat on him. The verse has the same meter and rhyme scheme as the nursery rhyme "Rock-a-bye baby.", Text: Rock-a-horse baby, and don't make a noise, / Your daddy belongs to the stay-at-home boys; / Kid gloves on his fingers, new boots o'er his toes, / He has fine music wherever he goes. / So rock-a-horse, baby, your mother may roam, / But you'll find that your daddy is always at home., "525", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sits at a table and drinks from a bowl. A pile of kitchen utensils stands behind her, and a cat eats at her feet. The valentine condemns uncleaniness in women., Text: A nasty woman, let me fly, / She is a pest to ev'ry eye; / At least a female can be clean, / For sluttishness is most obscene., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man ice skates. He has a monocle around his neck and holds a walking stick, suggesting that he is a dandy., Text: You lightly glide in sportive mood, / And to the backward outer-edge; / While flowing now a sea of blood, / To keep a nation's sacred pledge. / Squirm on, poor fool! knock-knees! turn out, / And while distorted shapes you twine; / Hear loud the jeering chorus shout-- / A coward finds no Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier in a red jacket and plumed hat wipes his sword with a cloth. At his feet is a dead goose, and behind him a woman rushes forward holding a poker., With envelope., Text: Oh! valiant son of Mars! dress'd out in uniform, / There's not a hen-roost in the land but you might take by storm; / With drums a beating all the way, methinks I see you wonder, / And now you are the laurels crown'd, for killing an old gander!
A boy wears a short coat, ruffled collar, and high pants. He carries books and a slate with arithmetic sums written on it., Text: Unlettered dunce, with shining morning face, / Creeping unwillingly to school with snail-like pace -- / Like postage stamps, requiring much licking / Before you to your letters will be sticking., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sits supporting her chin with her hands. She has bare feet, wrinkles, and is missing teeth. A cat sits in front of her, and a canary is behind him., Text: With a nice new wig and a coat of paint, / You're almost just as good as new; / Folks say you're old, but then you ain't-- / What woman's old at sixty-two?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young woman walks holding a stack of school books. The valentine criticizes her fixation on money., Text: While cramming your mind with pounds, shillings, and/ pence, / You must still leave some room for good common sense; / For though to the top of the ladder you mount, / Without sense your great learning will be no account., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The soldier sleeps next to a table on which his sword, a bottle, and cup are visible. His white hair and facial features suggest that he is elderly. He wears blue pants, a blue cap, and a short red jacket, which corresponds with low military rank., Text: Always sleeping at your post, / No wonder battles now are lost; / The folks do wonder how it is, / That with us all things go amiss. / You sleep and snore, cough, blink, and hic! / You're enough to make a damsel sick., "521", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The machinist has a red, porcine nose. He hammers at a piece of metal to make a cog., Text: I'd go without beaus all the days of my life, / And die an old maid, before I'd be the wife / Of such an old hammer as you, you old fool; / You're a piece of pig-iron-- a miserable tool; / For your head's like an anvil with about as much brains, / And you don't know enough to come in when it rains., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows an ape in a top hat, gloves, and plaid suit and waist coast. He smokes a cigarette and holds a thin walking stick. "Baboon" is an invidious epithet., Text: A baboon, in some far-on forest, / May be a model for his race; / But here, among the men and women, / Decidedly he's out of place., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a Union soldier with a long moustache. He wears glasses and holds a pipe that extends to the floor. His chest is puffed up, and his legs are thin. The valentine satirizes his lack of bravery, childishness, and excessive stylishness. "Bully Russell" refers to the journalist William Howard Russell, the correspondent for the London Times., Text: You went to war to see the fun, / Now what the d---l made you run; / You ran so fast from all the bustle / You were only beaten by bully Russell., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The angry woman beats her philandering lover with a broom as he lies across her lap. A speech bubble by her head reads " HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH THE SERVANT?" as he cries, "Oh! Oh!" The positioning suggests both that he is a child, and she is domineering. The man is contorted, and the woman appears larger than him., Text: It's evident, my angry fair, / Whate'er your wrongs, how much you (bare) bear, / Tho' I would rather not be sharing / My lot with on who's so for-bareing: / Such wives as thee who ever's got 'em, / Will find they're very hard at BOTTOM! / So I for my part would decline / Such a very striking Valentine., Cf. 1.20., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier perched on a picket fence appears to be in pain. He has dropped a piglet. Behind him is a chicken. In addition to a type of fence, "picket" also means dangerous military guard duty. The reference to the hen-house in the text suggests that the soldier has previously been promiscuous., Text: Through many a hen-house you have roved, / And many a pig-stye searched, / At last you've got your just deserts, / Upon a Pick-et perched., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a couple kissing. The clock on the wall indicates that it's one o'clock, and a candle burns nearby. His receding hairline and her staid demeanor suggest that they are older than the norm for courtship. Thus, the late courtship is literally late-at-night and possibly an object of ridicule given their ages., Text: As you daintly sip the dews from her lips, / Both time and the hours scorning, / You sit all night in gay delight, / And don't go home 'till morning., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A father stands next to his child, and the mother is in bed behind them., Text: From the breaking of morn to the close of the day, / You delight that bless'd baby in the cradle to rock; / And you grin with delight, when you hear the folks say, / "La! isn't it a perfect chip, off the Old Block.", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a large man skating as he holds two children in his arms. The child facing front resembles a bull-dog. The verse mocks Irish accents., Text: Be aisy now, darlints, be aisy, I say, / There's swate Widdy Connor skathing this way; / I want to present her these jewels of mine, / And wid them, this gay second-hand Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier with a moustache holds a sword and fires a pistol. Cannonballs have severed his forearm and shin from his body. "Fire-eater" refers to Southern advocates of seccession., Text: Bullet and bayonet! grapeshot and shell! / Nothing of that sort to you comes amiss, / By the moustache that becomes you so well, / You are quite worthy an Amazon's kiss. / Say, do you eat all you slaughter, mon brave? / Ogre-ish, methinks, / is your countenance dread; / Doubtless your sword is a "Secesher" would halve, / After a bullet had gone through his head! / When from the war with a wreath on your brow, / Back to the North you come-- then, if you'll shave, / I will be yours as in heart I am now, / And in the interval long may you wave!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a blacksmith at his forge. His cheeks are red, and his hair is black. He has defined arm muscles and puffed sleeves., Text: Was ever such a dingy devil seen? / A perfect antidote to love, I ween. / Black as your forge, eyes like your furnace red; / When you appear, folks start back with dread. / The fire at your forge may continue to shine, / But I will never wed such a black Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man skates with his back faced toward the viewer. The seat of his pants is torn., Text: Oh! don't you think yourself a smarty, / Making fun of everybody; / But could you see your own profile, / You scarce would risk another smile. / Ha! ha! -- you cut a pretty shine, / With streamer floating from behind, / You are, indeed, a dandy fellow, / With colors hoisted --white and yellow., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman bends forward towards a crowd of women, in the "Grecian Bend" created by wearing fashionable restrictive gowns and bustles. Behind her are signs that read " The Original Grecian Bend for State Millener" and "The Pink of Fashion, Mme. Lecreme." The Grecian Bend style of bustle became popular after 1869. New York city directories for 1867-72 list Fisher and Denison at the same address, noting that Denison lived in Maryland., Text: You're all aflame with woman's right, / And hope thereby to see strange sights; / No place too bold for such a trump-- / You'd even go so far as mount the stump. / If you thus cast all social laws aside, / You'll never be a happy bride., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A large woman stands at a washing tub, and her dress is low-cut. There is a container marked "soft soap" behind her, and "soft soap" is slang for flattery or sugar-coating, suggesting that the recipient is too idealistic., Text: Scrubbing Judy, Oh you beauty! / All your curls are steamed to strings -- / Swash and spatter in your duty, / Soft-soap well the pesky things; / Rubbing, scrubbing, Judy sings, / As the soap-suds out she wrings., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
"Admiration" depicts a man observing a woman who is seated on a park bench. He is smoking a cigar, and his jacket is too small for his waist, but his pocket chain, tie, plaid wiastcoat, and hat suggest an interest in fashion. The woman, who is reading a book, is seated in a position that reveals her calves below her pink walking dress; she does not appear to notice the man., Text: I saw her in the garden / A readin' of a book/ I couldn't help admirin' / Well, -- say the maiden's look! / I wondered if she knew it, / And turned again to see; / For, if I thought she did, I vow, / My valentine she should be., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The saloon girl holds a large tray carrying pudding with forks in it. "SALOON" is written behind her. The sender mocks the recipient for her oily hair., Text: Beautiful waiter-girl, are you aware / That the pudding you carry, (all suet), / Is capital dressing to put on the hair? -- / Yes, your head looks as though you well knew it!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands stitching a large piece of cloth. The valentine uses "tailor" as a derogatory term, suggesting that the recipient fails at making himself more attractive by boasting of his connection with sailing., Text: Soon as the early day is dawning, / There you are stitching some old awing [i.e., awning]-- / 'Tis true, you work for the bold sailor, / But you are every inch a tailor! -- / Expect not ever then to be, / More than you are, just now to me., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman holds a wine glass and a bottle of wine and frowns. A picture of a man hangs behind her. The valentine critiques women who drink as being dishonorable and possibly unchaste., Text: Good advice to somebody; indeed, I think, / The advice is plain to understand: / Flee at once from a woman who loves to drink, / Her honor is like a rope of sand., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Clad in a skirt with yellow furbelows and a bonnet, the woman carries a parasol., Text: On the back your head a neat little bonnet, / A great wide speading skirt, with furblows on it; / Your pride is in dress, but, really, you somehow, / Just put me in mind of a doll, on a hay-mow., Cf. 1.9., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a short Union soldier with a large helmet., Text: You say you'd march through thick and thin, / Through fair or stormy weathers, / But I'm inclined to think we'd find / You all fuss and feathers., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The quack doctor has a skull for his head and holds a large sword labeled "bleeder" and a paper marked "BILL 5,00000." An arm bleeds into a bowl, but it is not attached to a body. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", "I do not like you, Doctor Fell," / Is an old line, as you've heard tell, / And sharply, still, the case it touches / Of the foul quack, who says as much as, / "This is my game, let no one block it, / Blood from arm-- and from the pocket!", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Brown, Tom, 1663-1704, I Do Not Love Thee, Dr Fell.
A baker smokes and kneads dough., Text: Dear doughhead, don't be such a fool, / And think that I would favor show / To such a living half-baked pie, / For if you do your cake's all dough. / You're badly bred, with flowery speech, / You strive to knead a heart to thee; / But be assured that none will wed / With such a dough-nut, sir, as thee., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A shoemaker sits joining a leather upper to the sole of a shoe. Awls and other tools lie on the bench next to him. The text suggests that his lapstone (a tool for beating leather) is as large as his heart -- if he has a heart -- and advises him to forego marriage., Text: My jolly old cobbler! with heart, if you've got one, / Which I'm certain you have as large as your lapstone, / Dont think to get married, but still in content, / Try to make your ends meet, and pull out for the rent., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The fireman blows a fire trumpet and wears parade dress. His hand is in a bucket from which a hose extends. The valentine mocks his rowdy behavior., Text: A fuller fledged rowdy, sure, never was seen, / Than you as you dash along with "der masheen;" / You hoot, and you howl, you shout, and you bellow / I'm sure I never saw so horrid a fellow., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A farmer gives grain to a small bird. He has moles and errant facial hairs. The valentine puns on the meanings of green and implies that the recipient is inexperienced and a bad farmer., Text: A farmer's life's the life for me, / A farmer's lad I mean to be; / So sweet to go, at early morn, / And give the little chicks their corn; / To milk the pigs, and shear the cows, / And see the 'punkins' on the boughs; / To gaze on all the lovely scene, / And be, just like the landscape, green., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A shoemaker attaches the leather upper to the sole of a shoe. "Snob" is slang for a shoemaker., Text: Your awl is little; you're near your last: / 'Tis time you try to mend; / Your ends wax close; so work on fast / To save your sole, my friend., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man with sheep's head kneels with his hands folded. His tongue sticks out, and he has roses in his pockets. "Pap" is a food for small children., Text: Pray don't kneel to me with flowers sweet and rare, / With basket on your arm, Sheep-face that you are, -- / How can you think a maiden like myself, / Could have one thought of thee, simple love-sick elf? / Go home unto your mammy, sit upon her lap, / She will feed her baby on soda-biscuit pap!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A crying man holds a handkerchief and a bottle of gin. The valentine mockingly urges the rejected man to drink in order to feel better., Text: Poor lovesick mortal, disappointed! / The gal would not the bargain close; / But you'll gain at the bar appointed / The balm to heal the woes you nose., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a man with "impudence" on a band across his forehead. His cheeks are puffed up, and he holds a bag labeled "gas" to his mouth., Text: You've an impudent brow, / A face full of brass; / No cash in your pocket, / And puff'd up with gas., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man turns up his nose as he changes the diaper of a infant lying on his lap., Text: Child-like spooney, here are you, / To your own vacation true; / With the babe upon thy knee, / Drivelling even like to thee. / Wretched papspoon, sawney driveller, / Beggard, hound, and fireside sniveller, / Take this picture to thy sight, / And hang thyself by morning's light., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Three men in uniform carry guns. The first and last men are the same height, and the middle man is much taller and thinner. "Hard tack" was a hard bread used by sailors and soldiers. "Jeff" refers to Jefferson Davis., Text: No doubt you fare rough on salt beef and hard tack, / But that is much better than a ball in the back; / So march to the conflict o'er valley and hill, / And if you meet Jeff, just give him a pill., Variant of Valentine 1.24., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman in a gown smiles., Text: Dear, delicious, your face divine / Inspires my soul. Will you be mine? / O! do say yes-- nor let me pine; / For you are my own Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier stands in a contorted position with his head between his legs. He wears a Zouave uniform and holds a pistol and rifle with bayonet., Text: Lay low, lay low, my jolly boy, / You're enough for any rebel, / And should they see you in this fix, / They'd surely think you were the devil., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man squats and holds a long-handled pan over a metal mold. "Castings" is written behind him. The man has a large nose and wears a small knit cap. "Moulder" is also slang for "pugilist," and "lam" is slang for to "hit hard.", Text: HERE you are, you Moulder elf, / You see the likeness of yourself, / A nose just like a steam trip-hammer -- / God help your wife, I'm sure you'll 'lam' her., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The back of a woman's skirt is lifted to reveal her crinoline and her legs. A Union soldier bends down to look, unaware that a dog is sniffing his rear., Text: You were sent as a scout to try to discover, / If the enemy's troops were crossing the river, / But your eyes are engaged with the girl on the fence, / While the dog does the duty of reckon-i-scents., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman stands in a dramatic pose and holds a bleeding heart in front of her. The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a thimble cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: "Oh! If us two must part / For ever and for ever, / Take back your bleeding heart, / It is too hard to sever!", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man stands with an ace and a spade card on each shoulder. He holds a case in one hand and a bag of gold in the other. Faro was a popular 19th-century card game. The border shows cupids and hearts; one cupid shoots a heart out of a thimble cannon labeled "Love"; another cupid travels with a heart in a hot-air balloon; and another cupid hammers at a cracked heart below a heart on a fishhook labeled "Caught.", Text: Gay "gambolier," [i.e gambler] what brings you here / With your faro chips and aces? / Crawl back, again, to your smoky den, / Wherein your proper place is. / Half-swell, half-rough, the air you snuff / For simpletons belated, / Who, in the light, would hardly bite / At hooks with tinsel belated., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Boarding House Landlady has pointed teeth, a hooked nose, and grimaces. She holds a long bill marked "Board bill" and points to trunk marked "SAM." Behind her is a sign that reads "Boarding." She wears an apron, bonnet, and red shawl., Text: Behold yourself! Mistress of Starvation Hall, / Whose beds are like boards-- as hard as a wall; / You who stint your poor boarders of what's on the table, / And make your bill as long as ever your able., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
