A man holds his hands out defensively. His hair forms devil horns, and he stands in front of a sign that reads "Theatre / The Scornful Man.", Text: You're always turning up your nose, / As if you thought yourself above me, / And all your conduct plainly shows / That you, as you scorn, you could not love me., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman's very long tongue encircles her body. It reads: "You ought to hear all I've got to say! You'd open your eyes!" The valentine satirizes women who gossip., Text: Of all the evils flesh is heir to, / A long tongued woman is the worst to swear to; / What with scandal and story, and malice and wrong, / She keeps the lie moving all the year long. / Never so happy as when her words wound-- / Never so unhappy as when the truth is found: / May my fate ne'er be cursed by such a tongue as thine! / I'd rather have a blast furnace to be my Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The soldier stands in front of a cannon and wears a gray Confederate uniform. Vanity and inaction effeminize him. L. Prang & Co. first appeared in the Boston city directory for 1863., Text: As you stand there so quietly, in repose, / No doubt you think that you are very fine. / You'd rather slaughter ladies' hearts than foes. / I'd hate to love so vain a Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a tiered skirt of ruffles of decreasing size that tapers at the ankles. The style of skirt caused women to lean forward in a Grecian Bend; the Grecian Bend style of bustle became popular after 1869., Text: Dear, simpering, fascinating Miss, / It struck me that you looked like this / When last I met you on the street, / In skirt with Grecian Bend replete; / The sight which you present / Would throw the warmest lover off the scent., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A soldier runs. His jacket is red, but his belt buckle, marked "US," suggests that he is a Union soldier., Text: The man who would desert his country in her need, / Is so much lost to honor, honesty, and shame, / That after death his corpse should ravens feed -- / That all the world should e'en forget his name., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man holds a drink and stands in front of a bar with gin on the shelves. The bartender leans on the bar. The valentine mocks the recipient's aspirations for office and excessive drinking., Text: Blowing 'round the rumholes -- gas, gas, gas-- / Drinking poison whisky -- Oh, what an ass! / Thinking you can wheedle the mass, mass, mass: / Very good-looking, sir, but you can't pass., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a woman walking. The text suggests that the sender will "read" the recipient now that he has read all the books in libraries and bookstores., Text: I have read every Library / And book-store through; / And, since fate decrees it, / I'll read only you., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a bonnet, shawl, and a dress mended with patches. She holds a small parasol., Text: 'Tis not very handy -- of that I am sure-- / To feel what you want -- to know you are poor; / But when poverty aims airs of pride to attempt, / It only can merit our deepest contempt., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The thin schoolmaster sharpens his quill and looks away from the classroom of children. The valentine mocks him for targeting younger and smaller children because he is afraid of the older, larger ones., Text: Oh! Mighty Framer of the youthful mind! Great among the Small ones! / You spank the little ones behind, Afraid to touch the tall ones; / A sour Curmudgeon, like yourself, You'd better seek in time; / If you don't, you ugly Elf, You'll have have no Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The ship carpenter has a spike-shaped nose and an anchor tattoo on his hand. He hold an axe stands on a piece of wood, and a ship frame is behind him., Text: Spike nosed beauty, man of brads/ Drive the nails and fly the adze: / Big head, wide mouthed, lanky hips, / With legs just like your own spare chips, / For me in vain you thump and chop, / You'll never do for me old block., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The book-keeper stands in front of a large desk. He holds a large quill poised before the book. He resembles a horse, and he wears a patterned jacket, tie, and striped pants, which suggests that he is a dandy. The sender accuses the recipient of dishonesty., Text: How easily one can tell by your looks, / You are a blotter of ink, and a writer on books, / 'Tis very strange, though your wages are small, / You oft visit Burton's, to a trot, or a ball, / But money you'll have, no matter how ill, / If not by fair means you must rob the till., Cf. 2.4., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sits with her hands on her lap. She has a carrot in her hair, perhaps suggesting that she's died it red., Text: UGLIEST of the fair creation, / With carrots for fashion on your head; / Face devoid of animation, / Your lips are blue, instead of red. / Dried and wilted are your features, / They're charmless for this heart of mine; / And if I'd wed you I would be sure / To have no rival Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The man leans forwards and grins. He wears a blue coat and yellow plaid trousers. His hair and mutton chops are curly. Copperhead refers to northern sympathizers with Secession., Text: When, leaving the ranks of honest men, / 'Mid men of politics to snake it, / 'Twas well you chose a Copperhead, / For fear some loyal man should break it., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits on a chair with an infant on his lap. A bowl marked "pap" [i.e., mashed baby food] is on the table next to him, and the infant reaches for it. The man appears to be changing the baby's diaper., Text: To rock the cradle, make the pap, / Or change the baby's linen, / I plainly see e'er long you'll be, / Much better than the women., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The soldier carries a rifle with a bayonet and wears a Union uniform with a blue coat with tails and epaulets, top hat, and scarf. Behind him, a small dog barks., Text: Bravest of soldiers in fine weather, / A monkey with a cap and feather, / You'd hardly dare to shoot a hog, / And scamper from a little dog., "114", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier rests on crutches, has his left arm in a sling, and is missing his right hand and left leg. His rucksack is on the crutches. Chickahominy is a Virginia river near where the Battle of Gaines' Mill took place. The border features matches, a heart-shaped beet, and cherubs playing tennis and tug o' war. The label on the matchbox reads "Red-headed matches go off easy," and the beet is marked "D.B." [i.e. "dead beat" or "dead beet"]., Text: Come up to the bar, old boy-- / Come up to the bar and drink: / Did you leave your leg and arms / On Chickahominy's brink? / There's lots of your sort around-- / Young heroes in a war grown old-- / And out on the niggardly hound / Who'd leave them "out in the cold.", Variant of Valentine 12.29 and Valentine 12.31., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The dry-goods dealer stands behind a counter and shows a garment to two women., Text: MR. DRY GOODSMAN, your lying tongue doth ever run / Like the color of your goods when exposed to the sun: / You warrant all things "not to fade," which you show / Yet when they are washed they become white as snow. / Now don't you fear, that, while thus lying and cheating / Your partner, "Old Nick," will give you his greeting., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union foot soldier has very large feet., Text: When in action you are brought, / And the use of bayonets taught; / Then your feet sir, you will prize, / On account of their great size. / For with a pair of feet so large, / You could stand sir, any charge; / Except, perhaps, a cobbler's bill, / And then you'd run with a good will., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The grocer stands at a counter and holds a knife in his right hand and extends his left hand. A wheel of cheese is on the counter, and there are containers marked "tea," and "gun" behind him. Another barrel is marked "yhyson" [i.e. "physon" or "physan"], and a barrel marked "gin" is on the floor., Text: Grocer, cheese, and butter dealer, / Sausage seller, and corn mealer-- / Liquor mixer, sugar sander; / In Sunday clothes-- great Alexander / Never thought himself so fine, / As you-- ass-headed, VALENTINE!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldiers stands with his chest puffed out and his hand on his hip., Text: Say! Song of Mars, / With lofty figure, / Did you ever pull a trigger? / I know you didn't invent powder, / Although you talk a great deal louder. / Shun men who're really brave-- / You couldn't fight your soul to save; / Go keep your tale of love untold, / For my affection's for the bold., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The woman with the "corkscrew tongue" is shown wearing a yellow and red gown, bonnet., Text: Beware of woman, both old and young; / I once had a wife with a corkscrew tongue. / Whenever we disagreed, you see, / she run the 'unruly member' through me, / Cutting me up, stomach and heart -- / 'Twas an awful BORE, and we had to part. / 'Twas an ex-screw-tiating divorce, / But the corkscrew left me no other course. / I send you this, as a warning, in time / To unscrew your long tongue, if you'd have a Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine depicts a woman with two faces. One smiles, has regular features, and holds out her hand. The other rages, has pointed features, and shakes her fist., Text: So, so, here we have you unmasked, / The truth is too plain to be asked; / Full of scandal, and always lying, / Constantly your tongue is flying; / You backbite the very best of friends, / And injure all to make your ends., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Irish woman holds a broom, smokes a pipe, and stands by a pig. She wears a pink and yellow dress. Cutty refers to a short clay pipe, and "broth of a boy" is an Irish colloquialism for a good young man., Text: Arrah, Bridget, Och! hone! bonny Ireland's joy. / Is it you wud be wanting 'A broth of a boy;' / Jist take my advice, stay at home, tend your pigs, / Lilt your songs, smoke yer cutty, and dance yer gay jigs., Variant of 5.22., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier wears baggy, short red pants, a cap with a red crest, and box-like shoes. The valentine mocks the Chasseur's drinking, flirting, and cowardice., Text: Farewell, my bold Chasseur-- / In every lass sir, / A flame, I've no doubt you inspire; / But when in the line / Of the skirmishers fine, / At the show of a flame you'll expire-- / Then take off each trunk. / And make you a bunk, / To lay your head in / When with glory you're drunk., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
An Irish woman wears a cap and has bucked yellow teeth. She holds a toaster rack as if it were a harp. Above her is written "Harp of Erin," which is a symbol for Ireland. The text suggests that after she sings, the rack/harp will take on new symbolism as a body, and she'll grill meat on its "buzzum" [i.e., bosom]., Text: Sweet harp of me counthry, in sadness I touch thee, / To strains that are plainitive, though ould as the hills, / And bime by when me song is sung out, I will clutch thee, / And brile on thy buzzum some beautiful grills!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The valentine shows a woman (possibly a landlady) holding a large key and looking through a large keyhole. A sign behind her reads: "Lodgings Cheap & nasty." The valentine criticizes those who invade privacy through spying and associates this behavior with proprietors and lodgers at cheap lodgings., Text: The key to many a tale profound / Of strange intrigues and artful dodgings, / Is in the Keyhole to be found -- / As all should know who live in lodgings., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A grocer stands at a counter and holds a piece of food. Behind him is a pile with rounds marked "cheese", "live", and "oil." On the other side of the counter stands a small child and a container marked "sour milk." The valentine accuses the recipient of selling rotten foods., Text: You doubly green old grocer, go, / With teeth blue as your indigo; / Your milk's as sour as your face, / Your cheeks hang down in mouldy grace, / Where pimple worms sport round with ease, / Just like the maggots in your cheese; / Your foul meats, like your green eyes, shine, / You carrion of a Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Union sentinel holds a gun and wears a uniform that is too big for his frame, making him appear childish. The sender mocks the recipient and suggests that he will never marry., Ill. signed: B., Text: Say! Lonely Sentinel; when on thy beat, / Do'st ever long the one thou lovest to meet? / Do'st ever wish when though demand'st the pass, / That she that gave the countersign might be thy lass? / Oh! vain is thy hope, and grey will be thy hair, / Before she gives the watchword to "Who goes there?", Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The Union recruit stands with his musket over his shoulder. His jacket is too large for him and makes him look childish., Text: A raw recruit my taste don't suit, / Althought he should make me a queen-- / And I see from your face, / And your unnatural grace, / That you are too awfully green., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A wrinkled woman wearing a bonnet sits in a chair. "Caudle" refers to a popular "Punch" magazine character serialized in 1845. The valentine suggests her husband's desire to be absent from his wife is warranted and that he will face violence when he returns., Text: Poor Mr. Caudle has gone to his club -- / A club waits for Caudle at home: / How can he such a dear creature snub? / How wish from her arms e'er to roam?, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Punch (London, England).
The bar-keeper reaches for coins on the bar, presumably payment for the beer a customer is holding. In the background, two women carrying plates and beverages look on. A clock on the wall indicates that the time is shortly before seven o'clock. The text suggests that bar-keepers steal from their employers., Text: I know a Bar-Keeper for a long time, / And to his honor I shall write this rhyme. / We all know that he does well understand / To make long fingers and a crooked hand; / And so, they say : this is the way the money goes: / A shilling always for myself and six cents for my Boss!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A baby with a scrunched face and large ears is held aloft, by an unseen woman with lace cuffs on her sleeves. The valentine states that the soldier will be greeted by the child he fathered as he was going off to war., Text: Here's the boy, my soldier brave, / You left behind you in the dark; / When you victoriously return, / He'll chirp your "welcome" like a lark., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman wears a dress with a high neckline; her corsage and handkerchief suggest that she may be at a social function.. She slouches against a wall between and door and a picture frame, and her nearly closed eyes and open mouth suggest that lack of intelligence accompany her manners and money., Text: Politeness and dress, in this gay world of ours, / Are considered the tests of gentility; / But we commonly find a great lack mind, / Where the're found with so much amiability., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
"The Army Contractor" shows a bearded man in a fur hat and coat, with his hands in his pocket. He stands near a chest with drawers. The valentine criticizes contractors for their dishonest practices. Camphene is a mixture of oils used for lamp fuel and explosives., Text: For whiskyy [i.e. whiskey] ou [i.e. you] sell bad camphene toddy,/ And clothe poor soldiers with flimsy shoddy;/ Its not after glory you pant,/ Its only after dollars and cents you want., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The mason holds a trowel and a bottle marked "brick." The text refers to his putting a brick in his hat on Saturday night (slang for getting drunk). The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches.", Text: Among the brick the mason revels. / With his trowel and line, his levels and bevels, / He bricks up this, and he bricks up that, / And, on Saturday night, puts a brick in his hat., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The druggist holds a pestle above a mortar. Medicine bottles, books, and a skull on are the shelves behind him., Text: Thou Esculapian, half-starved wretch, / Thou nostrum vender of the pill, / The Sexton's friend -- thou shar'st his fees / With victims that thy physic kill. / Unfit to tend an ailing cat, / Or to a jackass give relief: / Thou'll' ne'er suit me, you nauseous spook, / Of human lives a legal thief., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man sits at a telegraph board with ticker tape around him. A clock hangs on the wall behind him, and in the background another man reads a ticker tape. The first telegraph message was sent in 1844., Text: O Mighty Operator on the little wire. / A liking I might have for you, / If you were not such a liar.. / But, out of an hundred words, / Of lies there's ninety-nine! / A man with such a [illegible]., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
"Bridget" looks at herself in the mirror glass. She wears a bonnet and large skirt with the crinoline visible. A broom stands rests on the dresser in front of her. Honiton refers to an expensive English lace company. Brass here means brazenness or impudence, and the valentine condemns her pretensions., Text: Bridget, sometimes, at the glass, / Tries Miss Julia's bonnet on;/ Making, thus, a face of brass, / Edged with lace of Honiton., Cf. 5.7., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man in sleeping clothes stands in front of his baby in a chair. His wife sleeps in the bed behind him., You poor molly-coddling spooney fool, / This is a picture true to life, / Showing you in your shirt, so cool / With your baby, while calmly sleeps your wife. / But you are just served right in that, / The only one we pity, is the blessed baby: / And if I was your wife, -- I tell you, flat, -- / You would get something worse, you stupid gaby., Cf. Valentine 8.31., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young man smokes a cigar as he leans against a water pump platform. His attire and posture mark him as one of the Bowery B'hoys from the Five Points area of New York City. "De machine" refers to the b'hoys involvement with city politics. "Mussy" means drunk, and "Gone into the lemons" may mean passed out after drinking alcoholic punch., Text: You know that you're one of the bo'hoys, / And bound to run with de machine; / You take up half of the walk, / And think every one must be green: / You always keep blowing 'bout something, / When you're mussy, you make such a noise, / There's no peace in the crib till you're gone / Into the lemons-- with some of the bo'-hoys., Cf. Valentine 8.10., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The first line is an allusion to "Hamlet." A Union soldier holds up his sword and stands next to a cannon. Another soldier lies on a hill and thumbs his nose. A skull and cross bones flag flies above them., Text: "Treason most foul as in the best it is" / But, who could think of treason worse than this; / From its proud staff to tear our Starey flag, / And in its place to hoist that traitor rag., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector., Provenance: Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616, Hamlet.
A young man looks at a poster of an elephant. Behind him is a sign that reads "NOTICE GENTLEMEN FROM THE COUNTRY TAKEN IN," suggesting that the recipient is from the country and will be exploited in the city., Text: My tender sprout of cabbage head, / I would your young heart deceive; / So seek some more congenial bed / To flourish in, -- and now leave., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
Two Zouave Union soldiers run among rifles, pistols, cannons, and cannonballs, one of which is marked rum., Text: Zu-Zu, you made a splendid run, / From Bull-Run fight, to Washington. / By Bully Runners e'er so fleet; / Your feats of legs such wonders/ raised, / That every one has stood amazed. / So, Coward Recreant, Renegade, / Your Valentine I'll not be made., Cf. Valentine 11.50 and Valentine 12.1., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A young, fashionably dressed woman stands in front of a sign that reads "Lisping grammar" and "Geography of dancing." Her hair is curled, and she curtsies, revealing her crossed feet, crinoline, and petticoat hem. The border features a woman embracing a man; the pair resemble Commedia dell'arte characters. At the bottom is a pack of matches marked "Lucifer's matches." The valentine associates the girl with France and mocks her impractical education., Text: In the language of France, / And its dress, and its dance, / I presume you are quite proficient; / But I doubt that, my dear, / You the oven could clear / When the time came for putting a dish in 't., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
The ugly hatter stands at a table ironing top hats. "Gossamer" refers to the shellacked muslin pieces that shaped silk hats. "Swipes" is slang for copious drinking, and "logwood" is a type of dye. "Judy" is slang for a ridiculous woman, and the sender suggests that the recipient could only marry such a woman., Text: Ah, now I well know what it was that I smelt-- / 'Twas the bottle-nosed, rabbit-mouth'd dealer in felt. / Mother Judy might marry such fellows, but I / Detest such a dabbler in logwood and dye. / Thought your head is so big, 'tis of gossamer rig-- / All bloated and puff'd, like a measly pig. / Beastly swiller of swipes, what a picture is thine! / Bad luck to the girl who is your Valentine!, Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A woman sews a cap. She has an enlarged nose and a moustache and sits at a table with men's caps on it. The caps' blue color may indicate that they are for Union soldiers., Text: Dainty damsel, time ne'er lingers, / On those very active fingers, / Other females, you make charming! / Make yourself, then, less alarming! / As it is, -- I don't incline, / To pick you for a Valentine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A Union soldier wearing a rucksack holds a large musket and smokes while he adjusts his glove., Text: Head up, eyes right, every inch a soldier, / Pity that your uniform did not make you bolder; / In the rank of soldier boys, then you'd proudly shine / Terror of your Secesh foes, lord of this heart of mine., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
A man applies paste to wallpaper. A tub marked paste is behind him, and scrolls of wallpaper surround him., Text: You look so well with brush and paste, / And pipe stuck in your jaw! / The lady has a shabby taste, / Who could refuse your paw, / A man like thee who quickly can / Clothe in fair beauty's dress / Her mansion walls, and stately halls / In robes of loveliness., Provenance: McAllister, John A. (John Allister), 1822-1896, collector.
